Consent Order - Is this Good for my Children?

[RainingBows]

Hi, Ive been desperately trying to find advice as I have a deadline to sign a draft Consent Order!
(I can no longer afford legal representation, so I can only go off free advice)

Background:
Long term marriage, XHusband had an affair and left the family shortly after I gave birth (+ toddler) - we had also 'just' moved into our new family home.
I pay the full mortgage, all bills etc.
Single mother, the children are now 3 + 5yrs.

He managed to bypass all mediation - divorced me, then slammed me with a financial order for the family home/lump sum/pension/contents.

Needless to say he is still with this affair partner and they have a rented house. Both are on good money so this is unnecessary when im in such a disadvantaged position. (And to note; this wasnt a bitter break up, I still wanted him back)
He is living his best life and I am struggling.

He then submitted a Without prejudice offer - basically giving me all equity in the house (£35k) and 22% of his pension.
He wants me to remove his name 'now'. (So he can go get a fancy house with the other woman)
Because the house is only 3yrs old, there is still early repayment/fixed fees also.

My previous solicitor fought to state that it would be reasonable to wait at least a year - for when my youngest child 'starts' school and then I can increase my working hours to gain a better mortgage for myself and the children.
He agreed.

But when I recieved the actual Consent Order, I didnt realise the specific deadline would mean that if I haddnt 'completed' a full sale by that date that he would be involved (ie could reduce the asking price).
The date in question really only gives me 4 months to go full time, get a payslip, and attempt to get another mortgage for myself and the kids.

Im worried that this also means my child will be starting school and then potentially moving house straight after.

I basically just want more time, but he refuses. I dont even know what would happen if I loose my job (which is a possibility)
Hes also refusing to make a will to include the children so I worry about that with them being so young and I know I wont be in another relationship.

Basically, I sign to this or its going to court.
My worry re court (other than the stress) is a judge may order a lump sum payment upon sale to my XH if I am to remain in the home longer.
Yet I need every penny I can get, esp as im to pay all sale fees etc and ive maintained the home fully myself all this time.
But I am struggling to work part time due to exhaustion/stress since the affair/abandonment, so increasing to full time has already been refused by my employer on duty of care.

Is there any way I can say: I will sign this, I just need a few more months than this 'deadline' to sell the property?

Thank you

Is there any way you can pay for a solicitor? I wouldn’t accept this. Not the offer or thd timescale. Do you have parents who could help? You have a lot to lose and he’s designing it for his benefit. The children should always come first. Try and see a solicitor. It’s important for the children that you do.

Well isn't he a piece of work! He's got a nerve..dont be bullied by this slimy toad and give in to his demands. Dont sign anythingI think id be going down the route of an occupation order/meschers order in this case with a view to selling the house when the children are 18.

Judges have to take into account the welfare any children in a home and you could get a letter from your GP re how stressed you are with the situation and a letter from your employer re the problem with going full time. I would also put in a claim with the CMS so he pays would he should for the children ASAP. Can you make an appointment to see citizens advice. They have legally trained advisors. Start standing your ground. Dont give into him. Your priority is you and the children.

Looking back I wish I’d taken out credit card loans anything to have a forwarded to Solicitor to sort my consent order out we are still arguing about it nearly 5 years after it was signed and it’s literally not worth the paper it’s written on because he’s not held his side of the bargain. If it’s possible I do not to force him until you signed the papers for the consent order that was my biggest mistake but I didn’t know because I didn’t have a solicitor

I think from your original comment he has divorced you already. do you have to be extra careful to not sign this without legal advice. And if you feel pressured tell the judge you feel pressured and get it documented said that if you need to come back you can. I would also point out that it is almost as hard to rent a house as it is to buy one at the moment there’s literally nothing on the market likely to me at all and you will be needing three months wage slips for that to.

you can't afford to not pay for a solicitor.

Thanks for your replies!

I had a solicitor up until recently, which my parents had to pay for.
Couldnt afford it any longer.
She was meant to be one of the best in the area...she saw this Consent Order, I kept asking her for more of a Mesher order outcome (just a few years in the house to let them settle in school) and she advised that they are hardly ever awarded now. That courts dont just allow women and children to remain in the home, they want to encourage 'clean breaks'.

Like its been pointed out - she allowed the divorce to be absolute before anything financial was even talked about.

So I felt like this was a good dead - for him to literally be giving me everytinng (except time)
Although I also appreciate that Ive paid everything, maintained everything and because he left us in an empty shell of a house - I am still sleeping on a mattress on the floor, with no wardrobes or curtains in my room!
Whilst he's on holidays, yet he put in the financial order saying hes struggling so much.
He lied about his address on the divorce papers - my solicitor did nothing about that.
He lied about the reasons in the divorc papers.
He lied about transfering rent money from our joint account to the value of £5k.
He didnt disclose everytning in his Form E.
So I have wondered if him being generous in this Consent order is really to avoid it all being seen by a judge?

But I dont want to risk £ being taken from me from a sale if I stay in the home.
The motgage willl change to variable soon and I dont know what my repayments will be then, if I can continue to afford it or not.

My solicitor said it was a 'big' house (its 4 Bedrooms and I need 3)
which frustrated me as my life has taken a huge hit because my xH didnt want to keep to his marriage vows.
Our family has gone from having £2k a month to 'play' with to £500 and a food budget which is pitiful.
His new woman earns more than me full time and he got a payrise so I know he can replicate our previous lifestyle.

I did go through CMS for CM which he pays, however he wont pay me the back pay of months where there werent any financial contribution for the children and I got into £1k of debt getting through Christmas and their Birthdays.

The Form E was completed a year ago (Covid delays) so the information in it about my income and outgoings arent even accurate anymore.

Im still scared of not really knowing what my future holds because its so unpredictable and so overwhelming for me to try iron out, I have no help at all with the children, ever.
I tried to dedicate yesterday to researching online and got toddler interruptions of 200 a minute (eldest now at school), and then I realise how unfair it is on him that Im sat ignoring him trying to sort out this unnecessary mess.
All from a man that said even after I discovered the affair that he still loved me and always would :(

Ps: his solicitor also tried to state that I have more income than my xH, as;
He deducted CM from his annual income.
But added CM, CB and UC Child related benefits onto 'my' income as though my income wasnt being split by x3 people, nor the fact these monies 'will' end one day when the children are older and all I will be left with is my wage.

Can you arrange a phone call with another solicitor? You’re first one was correct about the mesher order rarely being awarded now because they want a clean break. You need to speak to someone with legal knowledge and give them all the facts without all the emotion. Realistically if this goes before a judge its unlikely you’ll get 100% of the profit from the house, you’ll likely get a higher percentage of his pension but you’ll have to decide which is worth more money. Do you know his pensions worth? Also it will cost you to go to court to defend it. He’s really got you screwed and over a barrel but it may be best for you financially to take this offer. You really need someone with legal knowledge to go through all the figures and see what would be best.

Please don't be fearful of court. I had to represent myself as my ex tried to scree me over. Judge saw right through him.

I would not sign that and let him take you to court. He's pushing and bullying because he knows he's lied and he's going to get caught out. He will not be able to submit a falsified Form E to court and everything he puts in will have to be supported with evidence.

Your solicitor sounds shocking. It's absolutely basic that you do not go for a decree absolute until finances are settled. What was she thinking?

There are loads of excellent resources out there, start with Wikivorce. It will be interesting to see if he backpeddles when he realises he's got a court case to deal with 🤷🏻‍♀️

The view other people have on family solicitors may not be a view formed by your circumstances.

I think judges often want to preserve family life and the children come first. This can mean not kicking them out of the family house. I think you should spend some more money to see another solicitor. Certainly try and evaluate pension/house financial scenario and what is better for the children. Always see them as the priority.

Get on the wikivorce forum op. Helped me out enormously during my divorce and consent order.

@RainingBows

Ps: his solicitor also tried to state that I have more income than my xH, as; He deducted CM from his annual income. But added CM, CB and UC Child related benefits onto 'my' income as though my income wasnt being split by x3 people, nor the fact these monies 'will' end one day when the children are older and all I will be left with is my wage.

This is actually normal.

The only issue will be you can serve an amended Form E if you earned income has gone down.

Get proper legal advice on the current situation.

Yeah this is it, financially the offer is the best option for us, I need every penny I can get and this is every penny... I just need 6 months more max, before a 'forced' sale. Letting my son settle in school, and a relaxed sale process without him involved with spite.

Yes, I initially thought why has he suddenly changed his approach -
Why is he making an offer to 'avoid' court - yet HE took me to court?
Why did he say he was making an order because he was financally struggling yet he was presenting an offer whereby he gives me all the money!
It cant be guilt/kindness as he is still being awful in every other approach.
So this is for his benefit to avoid court, hes tried to call my bluff each time.

The only thing I can think re my solicitor allowing the divorce to go to absolute before anything financial was even raised, was because he ran away - he was still paying his full wage into our joint account (very strange situation im sure) so I was using that as child maintenance and generally like we were still together. I think my solicitor thought lets not poke the bear.
Maybe it was to keep me sweet. But I had hope he was going to return.
But when he filed for divorce out of the blue. I took over all the bills and took my money out of the joint account to support myself.

Ive been on with WikiDivorce today, they were great! (The forum is a bit quiet sadly) But I am still really struggling, especially as the deadline is basically this week.

Its frustrating that a judge isnt involved more in the overseeing of a consent order as its so close to being agreed. I may try to ask again if he can agree to more flexibility in the forced sale date. But I am swaying more toward signing as I feel so worn down.

I've just submitted a request to force the sale of my house which my ex keeps frustrating. I've paid money to maintain the house - under equitable accounting rules you can ask for the sum to come to you from the equity in the house. Also if you've paid the mortgage on your own after separating you can request under equitable accounting rules for a share of that money to come back to you from the house sale. Get some bank statements to show what you've paid re maintenance and the amount you've paid in mortgage payments after separating. I've submitted a part 8 claim to the court which I completed on the advice of a solicitor.

Thanks, thats definately all going in my favour if this goes to court...he only lived in this house for 4 weeks before he left.

But this consent order would see all profit/equity come to me so I dont need to argue any of this if I sign to it. Its just the argument of time for the force of sale im worried about due to my childrens ages.

But looking at it from your point of view, this is what my xHusband is going to be fearing - he wants the house sold asap no matter what.
And I will but I dont want to be pushed if the children and I really end up in detriment due to variable factors which I just cant predict ahead of time.

So what happens if I havent got a sale/completed sale by the consent order date...
Does he just start bossing the estate agent around/arguing for a price reduction etc,
Or does he have to go through his solicitor to corrospond/or apply to court to enforce the 'forced' sale aspect?

As I do not intend to mess him around or delay a sale (even though in my estimation doing this to young children is unfair and unnecessary in his position!) - I just want to make sure I sell for a good price and that I can secure a new property to move into and not have to rent inbetween with such young children etc.

Go and get a Rics valuation done on the property cost you about 250 quid and when you go to court ask for the judge to set a minimum purchase price and then it cannot be sold for penniless

Yes get 3 valuations and the court can stipulate the average of the 3 as an asking price and can stipulate the price that you will not accept offers lower than. Then he will have to wait for you to get a buyer at the correct price which may be months yet and give you the time you need.

No definitely do not get an estate agents one they dont hold water and they can very vastly I had one for 430 and one for 375 they took the middle one £390 and of course now it would be selling for £485.

Rics is fact not opinion. You need a rock solid case. Learn from my mistakes.

@gonnabeok Sorry I didn’t mean to be abrupt but these are the mistakes that I made and pay dearly for

Am I being daft?

He’s going to let you have all the equity in the house.

He doesn’t want any money out of it? Is that right?

Why are you selling it?

@BobLemon

Am I being daft?

He’s going to let you have all the equity in the house.

He doesn’t want any money out of it? Is that right?

Why are you selling it?

The issue is though when they’re not getting anything out of the house they have no skin in the game so they don’t care how little it sells for.

Ah, sorry, I see that your fixed rate appears to be expiring shortly and you’re uncertain if you’ll be able to afford the rate once out of that fix.

Does the OP actually mean that the ExDH wants to be taken off the mortgage?

Which would mean the OP needs to get a new product on her own? And presumably that isn’t going to happen?

No doubt he does if they are divorced! What would you want? It’s about affording a new life with a suitable financial settlement. However trying to get a quart out of a pint pot never works. There isn’t enough money in her pot to pay for what she and the children need.

OP have you done this all through solicitors? Have you been to mediation? It sounds like you aren't actually that far apart on a agreement. I wonder if you could sit round the virtual table you could iron out these issues. If you get a good mediator (I find the ones who are actually family lawyers best) they should help facilitate this.