Consent Order - Is this Good for my Children?

[RainingBows]

Hi, Ive been desperately trying to find advice as I have a deadline to sign a draft Consent Order!
(I can no longer afford legal representation, so I can only go off free advice)

Background:
Long term marriage, XHusband had an affair and left the family shortly after I gave birth (+ toddler) - we had also 'just' moved into our new family home.
I pay the full mortgage, all bills etc.
Single mother, the children are now 3 + 5yrs.

He managed to bypass all mediation - divorced me, then slammed me with a financial order for the family home/lump sum/pension/contents.

Needless to say he is still with this affair partner and they have a rented house. Both are on good money so this is unnecessary when im in such a disadvantaged position. (And to note; this wasnt a bitter break up, I still wanted him back)
He is living his best life and I am struggling.

He then submitted a Without prejudice offer - basically giving me all equity in the house (£35k) and 22% of his pension.
He wants me to remove his name 'now'. (So he can go get a fancy house with the other woman)
Because the house is only 3yrs old, there is still early repayment/fixed fees also.

My previous solicitor fought to state that it would be reasonable to wait at least a year - for when my youngest child 'starts' school and then I can increase my working hours to gain a better mortgage for myself and the children.
He agreed.

But when I recieved the actual Consent Order, I didnt realise the specific deadline would mean that if I haddnt 'completed' a full sale by that date that he would be involved (ie could reduce the asking price).
The date in question really only gives me 4 months to go full time, get a payslip, and attempt to get another mortgage for myself and the kids.

Im worried that this also means my child will be starting school and then potentially moving house straight after.

I basically just want more time, but he refuses. I dont even know what would happen if I loose my job (which is a possibility)
Hes also refusing to make a will to include the children so I worry about that with them being so young and I know I wont be in another relationship.

Basically, I sign to this or its going to court.
My worry re court (other than the stress) is a judge may order a lump sum payment upon sale to my XH if I am to remain in the home longer.
Yet I need every penny I can get, esp as im to pay all sale fees etc and ive maintained the home fully myself all this time.
But I am struggling to work part time due to exhaustion/stress since the affair/abandonment, so increasing to full time has already been refused by my employer on duty of care.

Is there any way I can say: I will sign this, I just need a few more months than this 'deadline' to sell the property?

Thank you

Can anyone help with their opinion on the wording of this? I feel like Alex in the Maid series, its all 'Legal, legal, legal talk' :/
I dont understand & * parts?

I also cant seem to get his solicitors to include the clause @MrsBertBibby suggested re the children; "Not to be enforced without permission of the Court whilst the property is occupied by a child of the family below 18"

Does this order allow me to try sell before the (date) on the C/O as a 'sole' conduct of sale??

This is what his solicitor has said:
There is a little misunderstanding concerning the Financial Remedy Order.
The order as it is now drafted allows you to remain in the property until it is sold.
That the property does not go on the market until (Date). That is the effect of the clause 16 of the order. That if you have not released Mr - from his obligations under the Help to Buy and mortgage by the (Date)
That after the (date) the normal sale process of putting the house on the market for sale by a willing buyer seeking a willing seller occurs, that’s the effect of clause 16a onwards. There is no forced sale.

*If the house goes on the market on the 1st of (Date) and it takes 4 months for example to find a buyer and your related purchase, if there is one, is going to take a little longer that is agreed and provided for in clause 15. It is agreed clause 15 needs re wording to read:
“It is recorded that should the sale of the former matrimonial home be held up because a related purchase is delayed then a short delay of no more than two months is acceptable”.
This does not delay the obligation to put the property on the market on the (date). It also means that you have up until the (date) to arrange for Mr - to be released from the Help to Buy and mortgage.

**Your concerns for every eventuality cannot be incorporated the effect is to negate the clean break clause which underpins our clients offer which we point out has been accepted by you through your solicitors.
-End-

He again hasnt responded to my query as to what happens if I lost my job...

OP the difficulty here is not wording it is principle.

He is saying he wants a clean break. That means whatever happens in the future neither party can go back (so you win the lottery etc). That would also include you lose your job and can’t get a mortgage. The house gets sold.

You want provision that you could go back and vary the order if something happens in the future - that’s not a clean break.

Not in the future past the deadline date - im concerned about before the 'deadline' of the consent order trigger ie something that would prevent the instruction from being able to happen reasonably.

Ie if two kids of a then age of then 4 and 6yrs old are facing being shunted into a rented house whilst this guy goes on to buy a mansion, id like to think there was some sort of law to say that his needs of wanting a clean break isnt fair on the children.

*protection rather than law

OP if you don’t think a clean break is fair, because your future is uncertain that is an acceptable position to hold. What no one can say here is if the court will agree.

Ultimately though the fact remains you can’t just reword this consent order to get something you both agree to. You are too far apart.

He wants a clean break. That means whatever happens in the future then it does not effect the agreement. So as I say, you win the lottery you keep all the money. You marry a billionaire - you still keep the equity.

It sounds like you don’t want a clean break. You want a provision you can vary the order if circumstances change. Again the court could order such a provision, but again no one can tell you that.

I would really recommend, if you can, seeing if you can just have one more meeting with your sols. No one on the internet can you advise you how to word an order to protect you and your child.

OP it does seem slightly odd you ditched your sols just before the consent order was signed. I understand about money, but if the case is also you didn’t like the advice they were giving then you do have the option to seek new lawyers, but there is always the risk their advice might be the same.

Morally speaking I dont think someone that walks out on their responsibilities should demand a clean break. He walked out and dropped literally everything for me to pick up.
Its a highly traumatic experience.
I understand, not that a court cares.

I was in the process of trying to find a new solicitor, when my sol sent me a £2k bill (all of which my parents have been paying) then his sols agreed to deferr the sale of the property and my solicitor sent me another £2k bill to do the C/O(!)
So I did think it was something I could do on my own and I couldnt keep asking my parents for help with bills in their thousands each time.

Mrs Bert is the absolute bomb at things like this. If that is the clause she recommends, then tattoo it on your forehead and tell them to take you to court.

You clearly don’t want a clean break… so don’t agree to it. What leverage does he actually have over you here to force you to sign his proposal? He doesn’t pay you any more than CM, he’s already left and has his new life… I know you may be feeling that you just want it done, but you may regret that haste in the future.

My OH didn’t have a clean break, he handed over all the equity in the home and remained on the mortgage. His ExW was obliged to use best endeavours to remove him from the mortgage, which she eventually did about 5 years later. During that time was was indeed able to get a mortgage.

Morally speaking I dont think someone that walks out on their responsibilities should demand a clean break. He walked out and dropped literally everything for me to pick up.
Its a highly traumatic experience.
I understand, not that a court cares.

@RainingBows I know this is in legal matters but I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and the unfairness is utterly breathtaking. I think it's when you see the patriarchy in full action. You're left with 2 children and there is no obligation on him to care for or even see those children that he created. Just a paltry amount of maintenance if you can even get it.

You have every right to be mad. I'm not sure about the legal aspects but it would seem to me that if he's trying to bully you into signing then it's not in your interest to do so. What do you have to lose? I'm not being glib but faced with the enormity of the task you have in hand raising your children and trying to put a working life together so that you can fund your retirement then £35k of equity is nothing.

On another note I do have some nice John Lewis curtains looking for a home if you'd like them?

*I meant what do you have to lose by going to court

I honestly thought that the better financial option would be for me to take the £35k equity, to be able to get another house...
Because even if court lets me stay in the house a few years, I probably wouldnt be able to save much.
So as a judge would give him some of the equity in court, itd leave me with less.

It would be lovely to think we could remain here for a few more years and just settle instead of the stress thats ahead.
Its been constant stress for 3yrs.

I think my soliciors lack of support effected me and left me feeling defeated really. She made me feel like an idiot sometimes. I tried to seek a new solicitor but everyone locally said mine was the best!?
"Oh they dont let mothers stay in the house now, the court wants clean breaks. He has a new life he wants to move on"
"Its about division of assets."
"He's giving you everything here."
She even had the grace to tell me my husband had probably cheated on me before.

@TakeMeToKernow Blimey he sounds generous...and I never ever expected my xHusband to act this way, he told me after Id discovered the affair that he wouldnt take the house and he'd look after us.

@OhamIreally Thank you. I honestly nievely thought that court was about some sort of justice.
And it does undermine the role of a single parent.
Ive just got a letter from CMS actually, unless his wage goes up by 25% CM payments dont increase? Yet everything in the economy does?

Oh that is so kind re the curtains, amazingingly so. Pls PM me

It was a pretty bitter separation and there was no generosity about it really. He didn’t really want the DCs to have to move out of the area/leave friends and schools, which would have likely happened if the house was sold. And he was able to keep a car that they owned outright AND she didn’t get any of his pension.

His solicitor laid out the going to court costs/alternatives… it was unattractively expensive.

Im not sure of the costs if you attempt to represent yourself in court, which would be my only option.

Ebay ‘s pay your own costs in family court unless one of you has been a complete arse

I signed the order.
My emotions were just heightened and so close to Christmas. The fight felt too much for me.
I will make the best attempts of trying to obtain the mortgage next year.

I noticed he didnt tick that he was 'intending on marrying his affair partner.'
However, what if he is > does that make a difference to the order now its signed?
Ie her finances and savings will be shared with him and she owned a home with her former partner (whom she 'ahem' cheated on) so she presumably will have recieved a chunk of money there, so his housing needs are sorted yet again.

Hes got away with not declaring things on legal forms before and that deciet does worry me - admittedly perhaps moreso emotionally - than what it could mean financially.

But would he just get away with that?

@RainingBows To be honest yes he will my ex had moved in with his now wife before the consent order was even sealed despite taking that he had no intention of living with anybody for six months nobody cared honestly you do have to kind of realise how little anyone cares

Its the worst part....
Yet there I was shaking in my boots to fill in the forms with 100% accuracy.

Honestly you just need to put yourself first now take the best job that you can possibly get and if that means that you get him to step up and do more childcare you get a nanny whatever it takes this needs to be about you establishing your independence now so that you can get that mortgage.

Huge sympathies.
Been in your situation.
But now you can start to move forward, without your ex and have your best life possible.
Best wishes.

Probably not mentioned in this post, but he doesnt see the children, its been 2yrs.
I hope we can just live in peace now, without any stress or upset caused by him...and hopefully the mortgage situation will see us remain in our home or an equally nice home can be ours.

@RainingBows. It sounds like you are doing amazing all things considered.

A few things to think about.

Are you getting child maintenance now? It’s disregarded on UC. Is it being managed through CMS and have an annual review?

Would you consider taking in a lodger? All lodger income disregarded on universal credit and you don’t have to pay tax if in line with Hmrc rent a room out rate. Could look at having exchange students in the summer.

This month your UC will increase. The work allowance has gone up and the amount they then disregard is more generous.

If you are willing to tell us which area you are maybe some MNers know of some charities that can help

Thank you, I dont have many people to tell me that. It definately doesnt feel like im doing amazing though; emotionally.

Yes I went through CMS, although a little dissappointed to find out this year wages need to increase by 25% in order to see a rise? (Strange considering inflation.)

No I wouldnt consider a lodger.
I did considering fostering but that is whilst we have a spare bedroom in this home.

Yes I noticed UC went up this month, however my council tax reduction therefore went up and it ends up being worse when that happens as thats done off %. Ive had to enquire with council tax as its gone up by about £100.

What Lodger would want to live in a house with young children ? seriously this gets trotted out on Mumsnet so often it’s ridiculous though.

And I would give serious consideration as to whether fostering is a great idea as part of the process they will contact your eX to discuss what kind of a mother you are and to basically get a full character reference, also if your children have already been through quite a lot so they want to share them with somebody else ?
Especially a child that’s probably been through quite a rocky start and will be demanding

Fostering was a very future thought, in terms of the fact I cant have anymore children.
But great to know my ex is asked for a reference considering he was only around for 2yrs of my childs life :/

@RainingBows the 25% figure for CMS is if you are requesting an out of band increase. It will be reviewed annually and increased then if his salary has increased.

Ah, thanks. I was surprised it hasnt gone up next year even by a penny = yet wages go up etc. (We work in the same organisation) Obviosly CMS will have validated it, I was just expecing some slight increase each year.