Consent Order - Is this Good for my Children?

[RainingBows]

Hi, Ive been desperately trying to find advice as I have a deadline to sign a draft Consent Order!
(I can no longer afford legal representation, so I can only go off free advice)

Background:
Long term marriage, XHusband had an affair and left the family shortly after I gave birth (+ toddler) - we had also 'just' moved into our new family home.
I pay the full mortgage, all bills etc.
Single mother, the children are now 3 + 5yrs.

He managed to bypass all mediation - divorced me, then slammed me with a financial order for the family home/lump sum/pension/contents.

Needless to say he is still with this affair partner and they have a rented house. Both are on good money so this is unnecessary when im in such a disadvantaged position. (And to note; this wasnt a bitter break up, I still wanted him back)
He is living his best life and I am struggling.

He then submitted a Without prejudice offer - basically giving me all equity in the house (£35k) and 22% of his pension.
He wants me to remove his name 'now'. (So he can go get a fancy house with the other woman)
Because the house is only 3yrs old, there is still early repayment/fixed fees also.

My previous solicitor fought to state that it would be reasonable to wait at least a year - for when my youngest child 'starts' school and then I can increase my working hours to gain a better mortgage for myself and the children.
He agreed.

But when I recieved the actual Consent Order, I didnt realise the specific deadline would mean that if I haddnt 'completed' a full sale by that date that he would be involved (ie could reduce the asking price).
The date in question really only gives me 4 months to go full time, get a payslip, and attempt to get another mortgage for myself and the kids.

Im worried that this also means my child will be starting school and then potentially moving house straight after.

I basically just want more time, but he refuses. I dont even know what would happen if I loose my job (which is a possibility)
Hes also refusing to make a will to include the children so I worry about that with them being so young and I know I wont be in another relationship.

Basically, I sign to this or its going to court.
My worry re court (other than the stress) is a judge may order a lump sum payment upon sale to my XH if I am to remain in the home longer.
Yet I need every penny I can get, esp as im to pay all sale fees etc and ive maintained the home fully myself all this time.
But I am struggling to work part time due to exhaustion/stress since the affair/abandonment, so increasing to full time has already been refused by my employer on duty of care.

Is there any way I can say: I will sign this, I just need a few more months than this 'deadline' to sell the property?

Thank you

At the time of him hitting me with the Financial order (this time last year) I did get 3 estate agent valuations for the Form E. But obviously the market has changed since then and it will change again by a years time so who knows what we're looking at.
At the point of the 'forced'/'joint conduct' point of the sale I will request the Rics valuations and then hopefully Id have the right to not be pushed around for a sale for any less as that would be deemed reasonable.
Thanks for that pointer!

The unpredictability of it is scary as its like im signing in blood that this will happen no matter what.
I asked his solicitor what if im in hospital or have lost my job - he basically said tough. They wouldnt put any extra clause in the consent order for 'unforeseen' circumstances to put my mind at ease.

Which is why I need to know what actually does happen if a sale isnt completed by the deadline date for a forced sale to begin??
As perhaps that actualy process would save me from any forced push if my circumstances are detrimental at that point in time.
Maybe that itself would buy me some extra time.

Yes @BobLemon he takes me to court stating he is financially struggling, then he puts in an offer to avoid court and give me everything? Confusing.
Im presuming his affair partner wants a house asap or his solicitor isnt happy that he certainly played with the truth on the Form E which will come out in court.

Yes my xHusband appears to now just want off the joint mortgage -

Another aspect im not aware of is - whilst he had to declare on the Form E that hes living with the affair partner and what her salary is, he didnt have to declare if she had savings/money gained from the property she shared with her fiance. He could be financially set with her for their own deposit.

@Rosemaryandlemon I wish we could have utilised mediation! He bypassed mediation, he never even had a conversation with me. He told me he wouldnt take the house from me?
Then he stonewalled me and refuses to discuss anything.

I did send him an email recently explaining my difficulties and that I wasnt being obstinate, I would sell but if he could please just wait until the best time for the childrens benefit.
He ignored it as usual.

We got to this stage with solicitors, but I can no longer afford one so im on my own now.

OP you can go to mediation at any time. The courts encourage it. You can go to mediation as well as start court proceedings. Why not ask him to go?

Does he have solicitors? I presume not if you say you are emailing him.

Go to court for the first hearing at least ( this is the one where the judge gives guidance of what they would order in the final court hearing) cheaper than final hearing. Honestly I've just gone through it my solicitor said very little ( they are always conscious of pissing off the judge off by relaying the whole story when the judge has already had all of the paper work to read themselves) you can totally do this!!
My story was pretty much the same I wanted him to pay 50% of the mortgage for the next two years until I could work more hours my ex wanted to stop paying now. I didn't want to give him any equity as he had rental properties ( which be omitted on his form E another story) .
Ending he has to pay 50% of the mortgage for the next two years kept his rentals ( which to me are just hassle) and he get 12% of the equity in two years time which but then hopefully I can remortgage pay the twat off and be done!!! A lot more equity in my house though than what you are talking about so if I can't raise the mortgage or afford it I can downsize and be mortgage free.
Good luck don't be bullied and it's worth going. To the first hearing for guidance. Children are involved they will always come first.

do not sign anything.

You cant afford to not have a solicitor right now, use a credit card if needby. but do not sign anything. he is a cheeky twat

@Rosemaryandlemon Yes he has his solicitors.
However I emailed him personally with a heartfelt plea. (He also signed to have our IVF embryos destroyed, so Id contacted him about that. But he ignores me.)

@ivegotthisyeah OMG it is so frustrating how I go back and forth with what to do!...I am sat here paying everything myself, and I have done for 2 years.
Theres a possibility my employer wont even allow me to increase my hours by the date on this order and then im screwed as to getting any decent mortgage. So I would be skint, unable to save and being forced to get a mortgage with equity from the sale only...this is what I fear.

But if a court doesnt care about retaining some quality of lifestyle then as long as I have equity I can put a deposit on any old place and no one will care?

I cant afford to save, I cant get out of the small debt im in and im here with no bed, wardrobes or curtains in my room because he left us in a shell of a new house.

If the perception is that I have a stronger case and he is trying to get one over on me, then surely his solicitor should be more accepting of my attempt to just negotiate a few more months before a 'forced' joint conduct of sale? As they would want the consent order signing also?

Ive been sat here drafting and redrafting an email to his solicitors.
I dont even know what im asking for anymore...
I know he wont allow anymore time on the order...

But I cannot think of a clause that Id want include - which would ensure any unforeseen variant occuring at the point of the forced sale, would not cause detriment to the children and I's position???

ie what if my employer doesnt agree to increase my hours and I really cant afford a mortgage...
what if we have to rent due to a new property not being ready etc.

Any ideas what I could ask to add to cover this for protection???????

Or Im just going to sign it :/ Ive had enough of it, its been a year already.

OP if he has solicitors they may have advised him not to speak to you directly and to do everything through them.

I would email them and say you’d like to go to mediation before court proceedings are issued.

I would pay for a solicitor to attend with you.

As I say it doesn’t sound like you are that far apart so if you virtually sat round the table you might be able to get this sorted.

@Rosemaryandlemon I will try suggest this then.
Although his solicitor did seem quite snappy with me that we had agreed this in writing and now I was wanting to add things into the draft.

Yet that is what I thought a draft was for!

Which is why I need to know what actually does happen if a sale isnt completed by the deadline date for a forced sale to begin??
As perhaps that actualy process would save me from any forced push if my circumstances are detrimental at that point in time.
Maybe that itself would buy me some extra time.

Yes it took two years for my ex to force the sale but £25,000 each in costs so that was the equity gone.

The court won’t have any qualms about you renting for the rest of your life to set him free from the mortgage for a clean break.

Wow really :/ To set him free, a man who just walked from his vows and family and all responsibiltiies
The court makes no sence to me.

Was it in your consent order that a forced sale would occur by a certain date? And you haddnt sold so he then tried to force the order/sale?

I wouldnt use a solicitor again, id represent myself so Id hope it wouldnt cost to represent myself.

The order said fourthwith which I thought was extremely vague quite frankly so as I say after one year he started pushing and then it took him a further two years to succeed.

And yes they do not give a flying fuck who did what it is all about insuring fairness and you have got to provide for the children in your career is limited so they will account for that but they won’t allow you to have ongoing influence or ties to him going forward beyond child-support which is through the CSM and can’t be bloody enforced anyway.

Thats the thing though isnt it, its not 'fair'. (literally no point in legal marriage vows) My kids lifestyle has totally changed, we cant afford much anymore Vs him just runs off and lives his best life.
Everything we did was for our kids futures and he's just crushed it all. Sorry just offloading here! Being a single parent is tough.

He may be giving me the equity but in the real life situ, that just passed through my hands to get myself and the kids a house. I will still be broke, but we will be in a house less than half the size of this one.

Ive got to email his solicitor today really to let them know what im doing, I just need to think of a clause if they could add to help protect the children.
If I loose my job what happens! If I cant get full time again and cant afford a house for our needs

To be really honest it sounds awful but they don’t care I was literally made homeless when the house sale went through because much as the judge pointed out that I could afford to rent it just wasn’t that easy I wasn’t working at the time so I had some money yes but nobody would touch me with a barge pole my credit was okay but you’re not working.

We’ve gone from a beautiful four bedroom detached house to a shitty flat next to the railway line where there isn’t literally room for my cats to walk the chest isn’t home and I had an earful off my brother the other day about how I should get rid of my animals but quite honestly there was a stage last year where I was contemplating suicide and the only thing that stopped me was what would happen to my dog

If you're paying the mortgage now does there need to be a sale at all?

Can you not get a mortgage in your own name for the whole amount?

Don't go by mortgage websites, speak to a mortgage advisor who will be in a better position to help.

My friend was able to take on the mortgage because she could demonstrate she had been paying it for over a year on her own. This was despite having a lower income than would have granted the mortgage typically.

@Jessie75 This is awful. This is literally my position - were in a beautiful detached 4 bedroom home, Ive paid for it for 2 years, on a part time wage, and even when he didnt pay any CM at all.

I had exactly the same situation Barclays were amazingly manage to find me bank statements going back 10 years so that I could prove that I paid for the majority of the house but because he wasn’t asking for any equity out of it they didn’t care. They stitch you up like a kipper.

Sorry haddnt finished!> I dont understand how lifestyle isnt taken into account, esp when a single parent is the primary carer. That childcare you provided the children would ultimately be paid for if it not for that parent and the courts are meant to prioratise children yet dont think about the impact on the single parent that is struggling emotionally to cope in situations like this...I was there aswell, if it wasnt for my children, I would not still be here.

Im sorry to say it but your situation is my worst nightmare, how is that fair on the children in a courts view?

@GoldenBlue Exactly it is very unfair yet again, that I am here proving that I can afford our home on my own entirely and for a long duration. And yet on paper, single woman, part time...mortgage lenders wont transfer it, even when I stated my full time wage.

I have discussed it with a mortgage advisor and I was about £10/15k off, however that works...
I am going to try my best next year, but ultimately it isnt as straight forward as the actual reality that I can afford it.
They suggested getting someone to come onto the mortgage with me.

Im not sure how all that impact other peoples mortgages though.

I also had my solicitor ask my husbands solicitor if he had even attempted to get his own mortgage with his affair partner, as if im expected to get a house for me and two children - why can she not achieve a house in her name if she is earning more than me.
Or why couldnt he transfer to a guarantor until I was in a better position to remove his name.
But no, clean break was all that is uttered.

I generally have a clause in consent orders for deferred sale stating "not to be enforced without permission of the Court whilst the property is occupied by a child of the family below 18".

And Mesher orders are totally still a thing. I get them all the time.

@MrsBertBibby Ah that is exactly what I could ask for, thank you!I emailed his solicitors today explaining that I was concerned for the upredictable outcome for my childrens sakes and if they could agree to include an acceptable clause to oversee that we are not pushed into a detrimental situation simply for the sake of a clean break.

@MrsBertBibby

I generally have a clause in consent orders for deferred sale stating "not to be enforced without permission of the Court whilst the property is occupied by a child of the family below 18".

And Mesher orders are totally still a thing. I get them all the time.

I wish id met you 6 years ago, thats amazing

@RainingBows
I'm not sure if you've tried this, but what about applying for a new mortgage in your own name on the current property - or if it's a good rate transferring it in to your name.
I managed this on quite a low part time salary.
They did it on an affordability basis as like you, I'd been paying everything myself for sometime, had the bank statements to prove it, and there was some equity in the house. I was (and still am) part time - their concern about paying when kids reach 18 and tax credits/CM drop was alleviated by the potential to increase hours.
You could also then extend the term of the mortgage to reduce your monthly payments.
Moving will cost quite a bit, and I felt it was more cost effective in the long run to stay put.
Sorry if you're considered this already.
If not, it must be worth asking your bank.
I was quite persistent and they also took TC / CM into account.

@MovingtoEssex I investigated my options with my mortgage advisor and lender earlier this year based on what I earn when full time etc. But they said I was about £10/15k off. And to write to the underwriter closer to the time as they may be able to consider it as I have been affording it etc?

But they couldnt say 'yeah it looks hopeful' which I hoped they would.
The mortgage advisor basically said Id be looking at selling.
Im in a £300k house and the mortgage id be allowed to get 'full time' was £170k at a push. Hard to grasp.

So by next year I will have been paying it myself for 3years.
I also have to pay grounds costs for this property of £400 a year and ive managed that.

Moving will cost even more if I am forced to rent inbetween house sales etc :/

I will explore every single thing I can to achieve this house in my sole name.
I have a couple of people whom said they would come on the mortgage if they can....I just dont know how that works from their side.