Consent Order - Is this Good for my Children?

[RainingBows]

Hi, Ive been desperately trying to find advice as I have a deadline to sign a draft Consent Order!
(I can no longer afford legal representation, so I can only go off free advice)

Background:
Long term marriage, XHusband had an affair and left the family shortly after I gave birth (+ toddler) - we had also 'just' moved into our new family home.
I pay the full mortgage, all bills etc.
Single mother, the children are now 3 + 5yrs.

He managed to bypass all mediation - divorced me, then slammed me with a financial order for the family home/lump sum/pension/contents.

Needless to say he is still with this affair partner and they have a rented house. Both are on good money so this is unnecessary when im in such a disadvantaged position. (And to note; this wasnt a bitter break up, I still wanted him back)
He is living his best life and I am struggling.

He then submitted a Without prejudice offer - basically giving me all equity in the house (£35k) and 22% of his pension.
He wants me to remove his name 'now'. (So he can go get a fancy house with the other woman)
Because the house is only 3yrs old, there is still early repayment/fixed fees also.

My previous solicitor fought to state that it would be reasonable to wait at least a year - for when my youngest child 'starts' school and then I can increase my working hours to gain a better mortgage for myself and the children.
He agreed.

But when I recieved the actual Consent Order, I didnt realise the specific deadline would mean that if I haddnt 'completed' a full sale by that date that he would be involved (ie could reduce the asking price).
The date in question really only gives me 4 months to go full time, get a payslip, and attempt to get another mortgage for myself and the kids.

Im worried that this also means my child will be starting school and then potentially moving house straight after.

I basically just want more time, but he refuses. I dont even know what would happen if I loose my job (which is a possibility)
Hes also refusing to make a will to include the children so I worry about that with them being so young and I know I wont be in another relationship.

Basically, I sign to this or its going to court.
My worry re court (other than the stress) is a judge may order a lump sum payment upon sale to my XH if I am to remain in the home longer.
Yet I need every penny I can get, esp as im to pay all sale fees etc and ive maintained the home fully myself all this time.
But I am struggling to work part time due to exhaustion/stress since the affair/abandonment, so increasing to full time has already been refused by my employer on duty of care.

Is there any way I can say: I will sign this, I just need a few more months than this 'deadline' to sell the property?

Thank you

Apparently mine hasn’t had a pay rise in five years which is quite clearly absolute bollocks given he is a sales manager and will be earning commission, what they do is they put it into the pension.

@Jessie75

Apparently mine hasn’t had a pay rise in five years which is quite clearly absolute bollocks given he is a sales manager and will be earning commission, what they do is they put it into the pension.

Possibly, possibly not. The Brexit referendum in 2016 followed by the pandemic has meant that some people have barely seen a rise or had no rise at all, especially in the public sector.

Equally though, your comment regarding pension is a valid one, especially for commission based employees like your ex. I have to admit it's exactly the same as what I would do to my ex if she either played custody games or didn't pull her weight in generating her own income.

CM is for the children so they only person you'd be punishing is the child.

@FutureExH. Oh you’d do exactly the same would you ? what an absolute see you next Tuesday you are, can’t understand why anybody would’ve let you slip through their fingers …. nobody has ever prevented him from seeing his child and I earn more than he does, Not that that in anyway distracts from what he should be paying towards his child but thanks for your comments.

[quote Jessie75]@FutureExH. Oh you’d do exactly the same would you ? what an absolute see you next Tuesday you are, can’t understand why anybody would’ve let you slip through their fingers …. nobody has ever prevented him from seeing his child and I earn more than he does, Not that that in anyway distracts from what he should be paying towards his child but thanks for your comments.[/quote]
Every case is different. I wasn't saying it was relevant to your case, only that there might be legitimate reasons to reduce payments through higher contributions. Apologies, reading back I can see this wasn't very clear. I mainly pointed this out to avoid being a hypocrite myself; I can't criticise someone else for doing this when I would do the same, albeit only as a "nuclear option" if my STBXW was herself gaming the system in some way.

@FutureExH there are no legitimate reasons for not supporting your children be crystal clear on that. My own father did not pay any child-support at all because apparently it would not of been spent on the children, well he didn’t give her the opportunity to find out did he and just made sure that his kids lived in complete poverty for our whole lives, this is a very sensitive subject as far as I’m concerned but just because An ex might be playing the system doesn’t give you the right to join in without being accountable to your kids at a later date .

[quote Jessie75]@FutureExH there are no legitimate reasons for not supporting your children be crystal clear on that. My own father did not pay any child-support at all because apparently it would not of been spent on the children, well he didn’t give her the opportunity to find out did he and just made sure that his kids lived in complete poverty for our whole lives, this is a very sensitive subject as far as I’m concerned but just because An ex might be playing the system doesn’t give you the right to join in without being accountable to your kids at a later date .[/quote]
Well, yes and no. Both parents are meant to be financially responsible for their children. If like me you were married to a lazy, workshy person who would only get off their backside and get a job and hold onto it under extreme duress then it might be more in your children's interests to use pension saving to clip £100 a month off their child maintenance in order to do so. I appreciate your comments on living in poverty and I don't think it would be a suitable long term measure but if clipping CB by £100 a month forced the recipient to get a part time minimum wage job bringing in around £1k net a month then I'd consider that a victory for the kids.

I think too often the principle that both parents are financially responsible is ignored and in a situation where one parent is refusing to work or playing silly buggers with custody arrangements they are far more guilty of neglecting their children's needs than someone who reduces their CB payment by contributing more to their pension.

Of course, the additional amounts put into a pension will also be there in the future when kids need help with a deposit on a house etc. Better that than wasted funding the lifestyle of a lazy or vindictive parent.

@FutureExH - again I reiterate there is no legitimate reason whatsoever for not paying child support, people like you are the exact reason why the CSM was set up in the first place you don’t get to dictate what your ex does with her life now because she has free will.
If she doesn’t want to work the only person she’ll her in the long term is herself but that’s her decision not yours.

If you deprive your child of £100 to punish your ex the only person that suffers is your child one way or the other. And when the child finds out what you’ve done and they always do you tarnish your relationship with them.

You need to give your head a wobble and think about what’s in your child’s best interest.

[quote Jessie75]@FutureExH - again I reiterate there is no legitimate reason whatsoever for not paying child support, people like you are the exact reason why the CSM was set up in the first place you don’t get to dictate what your ex does with her life now because she has free will.
If she doesn’t want to work the only person she’ll her in the long term is herself but that’s her decision not yours.

If you deprive your child of £100 to punish your ex the only person that suffers is your child one way or the other. And when the child finds out what you’ve done and they always do you tarnish your relationship with them.

You need to give your head a wobble and think about what’s in your child’s best interest.[/quote]
We're going to have to agree to disagree. For some reason you seem to think a parent who sits on their bum all day when they could be working is less responsible for their child living in poverty than a parent who pays an extra 5% or so of their income into a pension to drop the amount paid in maintenance to a "refuse to work" spouse. It's not a position I can agree with.

I also think it's a terrible lesson to teach my daughters, that they are not only allowed to sponge off an ex-partner but even blame that ex-partner if they feel entitled to more money. The real villain is the parent who can work but refuses to do so and sometimes they need to receive a hard shove towards looking for a job, up to and including their ex putting more money aside in a pension in order to reduce their maintenance.

I'm not saying this should be done as normality. It should only be done in exceptional circumstances to send a message to parents who won't work that they need to take responsibility for themselves and their children.