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Original poster

Will social services get involved again?

92 replies

Beardkfux · 21/10/2021 23:08

I fell pregnant with our daughter 3 months into our relationship. At the time I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety a year prior to this and I was on medication. My GP advised that the medication I was taking posed risk to the development of babies heart and other organs so I stopped taking it immediately. Hormones hit hard after this and I really struggled with my emotions during pregnancy. My partner and I would argue often over the silliest things, and on a couple of occasions I phoned the police when our arguments got too much. This is how social services initially got involved and they would come and do little assessments and check in on us to make sure everything was going ok. Then when our daughter was born, even though both of us completely fell in love with her, the sleepless nights and stress of adjusting to being a new mum and dad took its tole on us. My partner told me to pack mine and our baby’s things and said he wanted us out of the house as soon as he returned from work. I called my mum in tears and I was so angry, there wasn’t enough room for me to move back in with my parents now so I was left with nowhere to go. In an act of spite, I called the social worker and police and told them he had assaulted me which was obviously a lie. The social worker said that she could no longer let me live in this house anyway with the baby and if I chose to stay then she’d have to take her. At the same time the police arrived and took a statement from me. After that my mum and I packed up all our things and I moved into her house again sleeping in the living room with our baby. I quickly regretted and realised what I had done and he and I were texting none stop and talking on the phone just desperately wanting to sort things out. 2 weeks later I’d found a new place for me and my daughter to rent and the same night we moved in he came and met us there. I’d dropped my statement with the police against him too and it was never taken to court! Another couple of weeks later, without social services knowing we’d been in contact, they closed the case. I can’t exactly remember what the letter said but I think he was supposed to have had supervised contact. We’ve been together the full time and now our daughter is now 5 years old and I have fallen pregnant for the second time. I have my booking appointment in two weeks and I’m terrified that when I tell my midwife who the father is she will refer to social services again and they will get back involved and take my daughter away and my baby when it’s born! Please can anyone help me I’m absolutely beside myself. I don’t know where else to turn. I just wish they could see how we are as a family and how happy our little girl is with us and how well she is cared for.

OP posts:

AnotherDelphinium · 22/10/2021 09:58

Social services might well come and have a chat and check on everything (and speak to your DD school), but as long as there are no causes for concern that will be the end of it.

It’s far better they do a quick check and you’re totally open and honest with them, they can get it all done and you’ll not have it hanging over you.

girlmom21 · 22/10/2021 10:25

The midwife won't remember his name but they will ask if you've had previous social services involvement.

If you say it was 5 years ago and the case was closed a few months later she may not pry any further.

Original poster

Beardkfux · 22/10/2021 10:31

Thank you both that eases my mind a little, I’ve been worried sick x

OP posts:

NCforsafety · 22/10/2021 13:21

@Beardkfux

Thank you both that eases my mind a little, I’ve been worried sick x

As you should be. Falsely accusing someone of domestic violence is abhorrent and will follow him for years. You've set it up nicely so when you split up you can accuse him of abuse and limit his access to his children. Nice one.

LaBellina · 22/10/2021 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TashieWoo · 22/10/2021 13:43

Does he know that you accused him of assaulting you?

Makes a mockery of women who endure domestic violence and are too scared to tell anyone, you sound very immature.

ohwhattodowithmylife · 22/10/2021 13:46

I don't really know what to advise, whatever happens just be honest and upfront. If the midwife asks you and you lie you may look
Like you have something to hides and ss will view that badly.
I know in my situation if I were to ever reconcile with my ex my children would be immediately removed from my care but if as you say you can show there have been good years with no problems I'm sure you would be ok, they don't want to remove children from loving safe homes

Jossbow · 22/10/2021 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. We've removed this comment as it quotes a previously deleted post.

RedHelenB · 22/10/2021 13:48

@LaBellina

I wouldn’t tell her that you’ve had involvement with social services. Everything is fine now in your life, the past is none of her business. You’re her patient, you decide what you share with her, not the other way around.

Please don't follow do this advice. Safeguarding mum and baby during pregnancy is crucial. There's no need to hide anything, you have shown that you both are capable of bringing up a healthy happy child.

Alwaysonthegoslow · 22/10/2021 13:49

You need to be honest with the SW. i hope you have both matured over this time and you know how bad it was to make a false statement.

Stevieknicks80 · 22/10/2021 13:51

Sorry, but as someone who fled horrific domestic violence last year with my toddler daughter with literally the shirt off my back, I'm absolutely appalled you did such a disgraceful thing and lied about him assaulting you. I really am.
I absolutely had to say that.
With regards to your query regarding children's services, even if they do get involved it'll be an open and shut formality.

Resilience · 22/10/2021 14:03

You need to be honest with the MW. It will come back to bite you if you don't. I would be surprised if SS did anything more than a follow-up visit (and possibly no more than a phonecall) given the passage of time unless there's more going on not mentioned on this thread. If you're honest and totally cooperative, it will show you have nothing to hide and reduce concerns.

However, it would be rare for SS to threaten to take your child after just 1 allegation of domestic assault (true or false) unless there are aggravating factors. So all the other arguments you mention where police were involved because it 'got out of hand' were clearly a cause for concern back then.
What did those arguments involve?

While I'm not going to condone a false allegation made by you, which is very wrong, demanding you leave the house the same day, effectively making you homeless with a baby, is definitely abusive behaviour on the part of your baby's father.

Are you sure your perspective on the relationship is now healthy?

Good luck with the pregnancy.

Coronawireless · 22/10/2021 14:08

For all those shocked that OP accused him falsely of assault - he wanted to throw her out knowing she would be homeless.

Coronawireless · 22/10/2021 14:08

With a tiny baby.

TurnUpTurnip · 22/10/2021 14:09

@Coronawireless

For all those shocked that OP accused him falsely of assault - he wanted to throw her out knowing she would be homeless.

Are you seriously saying that makes it ok?! Wow 😳

anon12345678901 · 22/10/2021 14:11

@Coronawireless

For all those shocked that OP accused him falsely of assault - he wanted to throw her out knowing she would be homeless.

That still doesn't excuse lying about being a victim of domestic abuse. It's an absolutely disgraceful thing to lie about.

OverTheRubicon · 22/10/2021 14:13

Honestly how good is your relationship now - can't imagine how it could truly turn around after frequent arguments, you calling the police, him threatening to throw you out, you making a fasle allegation. Usually things get harder not better with a small child, and it will be harder again with another.

You have to tell the truth to your MW or you'll be in far worse trouble once it comes up.

You should also tell the truth to yourself. Are things really ok? What plan B do you have if (or quite likely, when) history repeats itself, but this time with a tiny baby and a toddler?

Etinoxaurus · 22/10/2021 14:16

@LaBellina

Dreadful advice. OP will be asked directly. Failure to disclose is looked on very seriously and would be considered grounds that she’s not putting her children’s interest first. @Resilience has good advice.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/10/2021 14:17

@LaBellina

That's bad advice It will come out along the line and this will look like OP has something to hide

Stevieknicks80 · 22/10/2021 14:17

How can you justify making a mockery out of genuine domestic abuse victims who don't have the courage to report genuine assaults.
How is her reaction mature and responsible to that of an adult.
So yes her partner wanting to throw her out yes is horrible, but it doesn't warrant a false allegation of abuse. It's disgraceful.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/10/2021 14:18

As a social worker I can say that we would screen this referral from the midwives but if there had been zero police contact in the preceding 5 years and the school/health visiting team had no concerns it probably wouldn't go any further. They might phone you to ask you if he has been abusive since that incident.

Shitfuckcommaetc · 22/10/2021 14:21

I suspect it wasn't a lie.
You'd already called the police numerous times after arguing.
They're not going to threaten to take your children away for nothing, were you injured?

LaBellina · 22/10/2021 14:29

Etinoxaurus

LaBellina
I wouldn’t tell her that you’ve had involvement with social services.
Everything is fine now in your life, the past is none of her business. You’re her patient, you decide what you share with her, not the other way around.
Dreadful advice. OP will be asked directly. Failure to disclose is looked on very seriously and would be considered grounds that she’s not putting her children’s interest first.
@Resilience has good advice.
flowers

Genuine question…how could the midwife found out that social services were involved with the OP in the past, unless she would call them and ask? Surely that’s not standard procedure to do.

TurnUpTurnip · 22/10/2021 14:30

They only knew each other 3 months before falling pregnant so couldn’t have been living together for very long so it’s understandable if there are constant arguments to the point where the police are being called repeatedly that the man would ask the op to leave, they barely know each other and an unplanned pregnancy isn’t a reason to move in so quickly with someone you barely knew. I can’t believe someone actually suggested it was a normal reaction for her to make a false allegation

dottiedodah · 22/10/2021 14:31

I think I would explain what had happened to the MW.She may well find out anyway and wonder why you hadnt told her! You have done well for 5 years, and hopefully your problems are behind you now.However having a new baby can be stressful ,and it would be wise to know you have support .You have minimilised your difficulties ,but he had asked you to leave knowing you had nowhere to go at that time .I hope it all works out this time ,just saying its best to know where you stand with SS.I dont think they will take your Baby away ,but some monitoring may be useful to you ,not a threat as such!

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