Will social services get involved again?

[Beardkfux]

I fell pregnant with our daughter 3 months into our relationship. At the time I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety a year prior to this and I was on medication. My GP advised that the medication I was taking posed risk to the development of babies heart and other organs so I stopped taking it immediately. Hormones hit hard after this and I really struggled with my emotions during pregnancy. My partner and I would argue often over the silliest things, and on a couple of occasions I phoned the police when our arguments got too much. This is how social services initially got involved and they would come and do little assessments and check in on us to make sure everything was going ok. Then when our daughter was born, even though both of us completely fell in love with her, the sleepless nights and stress of adjusting to being a new mum and dad took its tole on us. My partner told me to pack mine and our baby’s things and said he wanted us out of the house as soon as he returned from work. I called my mum in tears and I was so angry, there wasn’t enough room for me to move back in with my parents now so I was left with nowhere to go. In an act of spite, I called the social worker and police and told them he had assaulted me which was obviously a lie. The social worker said that she could no longer let me live in this house anyway with the baby and if I chose to stay then she’d have to take her. At the same time the police arrived and took a statement from me. After that my mum and I packed up all our things and I moved into her house again sleeping in the living room with our baby. I quickly regretted and realised what I had done and he and I were texting none stop and talking on the phone just desperately wanting to sort things out. 2 weeks later I’d found a new place for me and my daughter to rent and the same night we moved in he came and met us there. I’d dropped my statement with the police against him too and it was never taken to court! Another couple of weeks later, without social services knowing we’d been in contact, they closed the case. I can’t exactly remember what the letter said but I think he was supposed to have had supervised contact. We’ve been together the full time and now our daughter is now 5 years old and I have fallen pregnant for the second time. I have my booking appointment in two weeks and I’m terrified that when I tell my midwife who the father is she will refer to social services again and they will get back involved and take my daughter away and my baby when it’s born! Please can anyone help me I’m absolutely beside myself. I don’t know where else to turn. I just wish they could see how we are as a family and how happy our little girl is with us and how well she is cared for.

@LaBellina id like to think it's recorded in a system somewhere, but given they never followed up after threatening to remove the child if OP ever lived with the man she's now having a second child with again, I'm guessing it won't be.

This is how so much abuse goes under the radar. How can you say "don't see him again or I'll remove your child" and then never, ever follow up on the child's wellbeing 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Coronawireless

With a tiny baby.

And that means she is justified in lying to the police and leaving a stain on her partners record that will NEVER go away? Do you know what happens with things like this? The fathers get to be hounded out of their children's lives for no reason. Abuse of both the father and the children in my humble opinion.

@LaBellina

I wouldn’t tell her that you’ve had involvement with social services. Everything is fine now in your life, the past is none of her business. You’re her patient, you decide what you share with her, not the other way around.

You do realise that it'll be on her records, probably in big red writing? It will be more damaging to her if she avoids mentioning it when asked.

That’s my thought too @girlmom21, it’s impossible to keep track of all of this.
Also, from a legal point of view, the OP is the midwife’s patient and is legally entitled to confidentiality, surely they’re not allowed to pass on the information that the OP is pregnant until she’s past the legal term of abortion?

*for abortion

I just asked to clarify what and how @stingofthebutterfly no need restart the discussion again

It's better to be completely truthful.

@Shitfuckcommaetc

I suspect it wasn't a lie. You'd already called the police numerous times after arguing. They're not going to threaten to take your children away for nothing, were you injured?

It's far more likely that he did assault her and she then lied and said he didn't than vice versa

@LaBellina

That’s my thought too *@girlmom21*, it’s impossible to keep track of all of this. Also, from a legal point of view, the OP is the midwife’s patient and is legally entitled to confidentiality, surely they’re not allowed to pass on the information that the OP is pregnant until she’s past the legal term of abortion?

Of course they are! Child protection supersedes any other consideration

[quote girlmom21]@LaBellina id like to think it's recorded in a system somewhere, but given they never followed up after threatening to remove the child if OP ever lived with the man she's now having a second child with again, I'm guessing it won't be.

This is how so much abuse goes under the radar. How can you say "don't see him again or I'll remove your child" and then never, ever follow up on the child's wellbeing 🤦🏼‍♀️[/quote]
Social workers can't follow up every closed case forever!!

Even when the pregnant woman is still allowed to choose an abortion? Strange that this would be allowed if child protection could get involved at that point.

@Coronawireless

For all those shocked that OP accused him falsely of assault - he wanted to throw her out knowing she would be homeless.

That doesn't her lie acceptable!

@LaBellina

Even when the pregnant woman is still allowed to choose an abortion? Strange that this would be allowed if child protection could get involved at that point.

Yes Early assessment can absolutely support mothers to make changes early enough to keep their children in their care. Why would you want them to avoid getting support until they are very late in the pregnancy?

@LaBellina

I just asked to clarify what and how *@stingofthebutterfly* no need restart the discussion again

What, and how, is that all systems are interlinked and any prior social services referral is on the midwife's computer in big red letters (at least, it was where I worked).

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Where did I write that I do not want them to get support? That’s something you assume, not what I said. I am purely interested in how far ss involvement would go during pregnancy from a legal point of view. Bodily autonomy, right to privacy etc of a pregnant woman. The way you’re replying to me and other posters makes it look like you want to get into some emotional discussion. Not interested in that.

Thank you @stingofthebutterfly that’s the information that I was curious about. I didn’t know that. In that case, I think it’s indeed better if the OP shares her story.

Social workers can't follow up every closed case forever!!

That's my point - it shouldn't have immediately been closed.

@LaBellina

Thank you *@stingofthebutterfly* that’s the information that I was curious about. I didn’t know that. In that case, I think it’s indeed better if the OP shares her story.

And also in that case, it’s better to know what you’re talking about before you advise someone to lie to their midwife when asked about prior social services involvement.

Luckily lots of people pointed out to OP that yours was terrible and dangerous advice, but it would be better if people didn’t spout any old shite without thinking about the consequences for the OP.

[quote LaBellina]@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Where did I write that I do not want them to get support? That’s something you assume, not what I said. I am purely interested in how far ss involvement would go during pregnancy from a legal point of view. Bodily autonomy, right to privacy etc of a pregnant woman. The way you’re replying to me and other posters makes it look like you want to get into some emotional discussion. Not interested in that.[/quote]
Until a child protection plan is in place, engagement is totally voluntary. A CPP would not be put in place until after 29 weeks of pregnancy. Hope that helps.

Thankfully you were one of the posters to give the right advice immediately @Derbee

Oh no, wait, you’re one of those that comes here to berate others after they have admitted they made a mistake. Tells me everything I need to know about you.

Thank you @CloseYourEyesAndSee.
That’s indeed useful information 👍

You’re her patient, you decide what you share with her, not the other way around.

This is not how child protection works.
Starting the new pregnancy with a fresh series of lies isn't a good idea for you OP as much as anyone else.

Social workers won't be surprised that you have restarted a relationship with an abuser, as they believe your DP to be, this is very common behavior.

They may make contact with you and they may run some checks with school etc to see current situation or if there have been five years with no reported concerns they may not bother.

@LaBellina it’s a bit pointless to “admit you made a mistake” when you’ve already suggested someone lie to their midwife and cover up SS involvement.

It’s a mistake, yes, but if people stopped spouting shite there would be a lot fewer dangerous “mistakes” made. Nobody in their right mind would think it’s a good idea to lie about SS involvement, and the face that you need others to point out that it’s bad advice says a lot more about you than it does about me.

@girlmom21

Social workers can't follow up every closed case forever!!

That's my point - it shouldn't have immediately been closed.

Do you know how long it was kept open for?

Oh @Derbee the more you write, the more I see what kind of person you must be in real life….won’t engage with you anymore as you are derailing the thread. Preach all you want, I won’t waste my time responding to you anymore. Perhaps you could better invest yours too instead of trying to lecture others, give the OP some actual advice.