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Original poster

Does a parent legally have to be advised of the death of an adult child?

95 replies

Backhills · 02/07/2021 11:32

DH has died. He'd been NC with his parents for nearly 20 years, with good reason.

He'd left a letter for them with instructions to me to post it 3 months after his death. I don't know what it says.

He was very concerned that they will make life difficult for me and DC and did consider not telling them at all.

Anyway, that's all in place, but the funeral director has suggested I have a legal obligation to tell them. I've tried Google and come up completely blank.

Can anyone direct me to the legislation or confirm if fit does/doesn't exist? If I do have to tell them, do I need to do it now or can it wait 3 months as DH requested?

OP posts:
BootsScootsAndToots · 02/07/2021 11:34

I would be surprised if there is a legal obligation.

I'm sorry to hear about your DH Flowers

I hope someone with some actual knowledge can comment for you OP.

pursuedbyablackdog · 02/07/2021 11:37

Firstly sorry for your loss Thanks
I don't know the answer, but I would have thought, it's his wishes that trump anything else. I'd be very surprised if legally you had to inform parents of adult children.
What you decide is morally correct is up to you/ your husband's last wishes, but I wouldn't have thought it was a legal obligation.

MotionActivatedDog · 02/07/2021 11:37

Oh I’m so sorry to hear this back hills. Protect yourself and your children. Follow your husbands instructions. He knew what his family are like. There is no legal obligation to inform parents of an adult child’s death. You are his next of kin. You know. Thats as far as it needs to go.

WorriedWishingWell · 02/07/2021 11:39

No, no legal obligation. The only time there might be is if he had died intestate and had no spouse or children, or if his parents were beneficiaries in his will.

IcedSpice · 02/07/2021 11:39

I am not a lawyer, but I would have thought not. They are not next of kin - you are if you are married?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/07/2021 11:40

really sorry for your loss.

he had good reason to be NC so you are not obliged to do anything but send the letter as he'd asked.
take care

pursuedbyablackdog · 02/07/2021 11:40

Sorry OP that makes it sound like I feel you have a moral duty to inform them...you absolutely don't have a moral duty! If your husband was NC and was worried about what would happen I'd go with that...again sorry for my clumsy wording!

headintheproverbial · 02/07/2021 11:40

Of course there is no obligation. The only obligation you have is to your DH.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Patapouf · 02/07/2021 11:43

They aren't next of kin. Funeral director needs to wind his neck in

confuseddotcomma · 02/07/2021 11:46

You have absolutely no duty, moral or legal, to do this.

ImaginaryCat · 02/07/2021 11:48

Funeral directors advise a notification if anyone might want to attend the funeral. He needs to wind his neck in about legally notifying people... as previously stated that's only if there's no will. There were family members I deliberately didn't notify about my mother's death, because they'd previously made things difficult when another relative died.

MurielSpriggs · 02/07/2021 11:55

There's certainly no legal obligation. There is a legal obligation to register the death of course, it then becomes a matter of public record, and registration is in effect notice to the world at large.

The undertakers are making up laws.

user1497207191 · 02/07/2021 11:59

Whenever someone tells me that there's a legal requirement for "this, that or the other", I've got into the habit of smiling and asking them to forward a link to the piece of legislation! It's a wonderful way to sort the wheat from the chaff. The bullshitters soon realise they're talking crap. The ones who know what they're talking about have no problem in providing the link!

ApolloandDaphne · 02/07/2021 12:01

You are his next of kin so there is no obligation to tell his parents. Just do what you need to do now and post his letter in the months time. This will be hard enough for you without adding to the strain.

Sparky888 · 02/07/2021 12:04

Was his request part of his will, relevant for the executor of his estate? Might the letter be something to do with an asset/ money? (I’d look at the letter personally).

If not, definitely no legal obligation for you to do anything about contacting his parents after his death.

Funeral directors don’t generally know the law about things other than dealing with the body itself.

Bells3032 · 02/07/2021 12:04

So sorry for your loss. no unless they are beneficiaries or likely to be beneficiaries to his will. given he had a wife and children and had been NC for years i doubt that would be the case

Viviennemary · 02/07/2021 12:06

I would say there was no legal obligation. Might be though if there is a will.

Viviennemary · 02/07/2021 12:08

I just thought they might have made a will making your DH a beneficiary. Sorry for your loss.

HoppingPavlova · 02/07/2021 12:10

Nope, not if you are next of kin. Just send as he directed.

Danikm151 · 02/07/2021 12:11

You aren't legally required to inform them unless there is a will that they are beneficiaries of.
There has to be a reason why he said to wait 3 months.

HoppingPavlova · 02/07/2021 12:11

Sorry, meant to word it ‘as you are next of kin’ as you specify DH.

QueeniesCroft · 02/07/2021 12:12

I don't think you need to have any direct contact with them ever again. Whatever is in the letter, it's what your husband wanted to say to them, and that is enough. It was a very loving thing for him to take care of this for you, and I'm sure he gave it a lot of thought. Post the letter in 3 months, that way they miss the funeral. Do they have your address and phone number?
I'm so sorry that you have lost your husband. The funeral director may well mean well, but he is talking out of his hat! You are honouring your husband's last wishes and that is, sadly, the last gift you can ever give him. Don't let the ramblings of strangers spoil that gift.

amatsip · 02/07/2021 12:12

I wouldn’t give them the letter till 3 months have passed but I would let them know of his passing, yes he was no for decades, but they are his parents and might want to say their goodbyes and make amends.

Obviously we aren’t privy to the backstory to nc, again it is down to yourself.

DomPom47 · 02/07/2021 12:14

Definitely not you are the next of kin not his parents. Your husband would have had good reason for the 3 month wait and no doubt will have put that in his letter. I would respect his decisions. Make sure you have friends and family close by when you give/post the letter to them as they could potentially cause a headache.

TiredButDancing · 02/07/2021 12:16

I am so sorry for your loss.

Funeral director is, as so many people do, confusing legal requirement and "tradition". They are not the same. Also, suspect funeral director is of the opinion that a child always owes their parent something. Also completely ridiculous.

Unless they are beneficiaries in his will or next of kin - ie there is some specific legal implication for THEM of your DH's passing - they do not need to be told anything. This applies, I imagine, to pretty much everyone from his employer to any subscription based services he may have held. It seems v unlikely that he has anything of the sort in place for his parents.