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Original poster

Contact with grandchildren..

28 replies

Scorpion27 · 14/05/2021 23:39

Hello..

Has anyone been through trying to get contact with grandchildren...
Been part of my grandkids life from day they was born, practically bought my granddaughter up, then had them during holidays almost every weekend because their mum used to want to go out.. (parents had split) their mum emotionally blackmails kids, will and has filled their heads in, will tell them what to say..
Had a very very close bond with grandkids..
Their mother met someone got child with him and won't allow contact in any form since she's been with her new bf..
We have had to go to court, every hearing she has said they can have contact but with my rules, can have contact but want safe guarding involved and no allegations nothing.. last hearing she came out with allegations..
she's been playing games..

Now we hv new court date.. (Been going on for over a year due to COVID)
Just want it to end..

Has anyone been through anything like this?

Thanx in advance...

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 14/05/2021 23:58

It’s a shame that you can’t sort this out amicably.

What is your legal question though?

NerrSnerr · 15/05/2021 00:00

Are you the paternal grandparents? If so, where is the children's dad? Does he see them?

PresentingPercy · 15/05/2021 00:06

I’m not sure grandparents have any rights regarding contact. Your DC needs to sort out contact for him. Is he in the picture? The children appear not to have wishes in this case and it’s sad.

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 15/05/2021 01:43

He's not in the picture..
Just wanted to know if grandparents do get to see their grandchildren if going through court case..
Will court agree contact?

OP posts:
lydia2021 · 15/05/2021 01:54

It's a shame f up parents behave like this. I just had to walk away. It's the kids that suffer. They miss the contact with the family member they used to see. In my case it was jealousy, kids loved spending time with me, and didn't want to go home. I am the fun one. So the parent, controlling ,aggressive, and attacks women and children banned them from seeing me. It's a fucked up world. Good luck in court. Am routing for you.

BorderlineHappy · 15/05/2021 01:54

How old are your grandkids.

HirplesWithHaggis · 15/05/2021 01:57

We cannot predict how the court will decide in your case, but the fact you had a strong relationship with them before will count in your favour. You may have to jump through some hoops (supervised or whatever) but those will be temporary restrictions and you can use the time to show your exDIL that you are good gp who will support her parenting and not try to undermine her.

Not saying this will be easy, but if you want a relationship with your dgc...

Mintjulia · 15/05/2021 02:12

Do they and their mother live locally? How old are they?

Why is their dad no longer in the picture? Was there any form of abuse? It could be that your DIL is trying to build a new life for her family.

The court will decide, based on how close your relationship was, and what is best for the dcs. But generally gps do not has rights of access.
It can be hard.

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 15/05/2021 19:55

They are 8 and 10 now..
The 10 year old used to even stay during weekdays (during term time and holidays, weekend were defo)
Went everywhere with us, including family functions (even the mother even though they weren't together) she used to be down a lot..
Going out for meals, going places etc..
They all stayed with us for over a year..
We supported her financially (after split) had the kids on weekends even weekdays..
Everyone knew [name removed by MNHQ] was always at ours.. People in area, school, GP..
It's since she's been with her bf and had baby with him she stopped contact..

Just want to hv contact with grandkids again..

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 15/05/2021 20:03

@Scorpion27

He's not in the picture.. Just wanted to know if grandparents do get to see their grandchildren if going through court case.. Will court agree contact?
I’ve been through it from the other side as the mother of DC. Dad not on scene and that was used as the reason for contact being ordered for my DC and paternal grandparents- to maintain link with paternal family. In my situation there had been barely any relationship established between the grandparents and child who was under 18 months at the time. I had concerns over violence on the grandfather’s part but this was dismissed as irrelevant. Contact was initially granted with me present in a public place for a few sessions so DC could meet and get to know grandmother first and then they had contact in their home every other weekend. People say grandparents have no rights to contact, it’s true, neither do parents. It’s the children that have the rights to contact with parents, and sometimes judges decide it’s in the child’s interest to have contact ordered with grandparents too as if was in my case.
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 15/05/2021 20:05

Hello, I've reported youf comment above, simply because it voukd get possible to identify your GD as yoh mention her name.

Its very sad story, but you are not legally entitled to access to your grandchildren, but it sounds like their mother is just trying to start over.

UhtredRagnarson · 15/05/2021 20:05

OP you need to report your last post and have the child’s name removed from it.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 15/05/2021 20:06

Oh dear, please excuse my awful spelling, but you get the gist.....

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 15/05/2021 21:50

Thank you x

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 16/05/2021 18:14

If there was already an existing solid relationship between the GP and the GC and there's no drip feed/back story other than what you've posted, the judge will take that into consideration. You may have to agree to certain conditions if access is granted and its not advisable to argue about this - showing willing/compliance is key.

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 16/05/2021 20:32

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Leanandmean31 · 18/05/2021 07:51

Presumably if the case is in court, you will have received some legal advice before. Grandparents can apply for contact with the leave of the court. Their position is generally weaker than that of a parent and it depends entirely on what the court concludes is best for the children. It is likely that the court will order a CAFCASS report and it would depend on what the CAFCASS officer thinks is best for the child. At court, you will have the opportunity to try to resolve matters by consent and this would be the best way forward. I don’t think you’d be looking at lots of contact tbh (but it all depends). Maybe offer something like cards, phone calls and a meeting once a month or so. If you go in there asking for weekly overnight, it’s likely to get her back up. As the kids get older, they will be able to make arrangements themselves with you.

So is your son completely uninterested in his children? Any chance that he will change his mind on this?

Naunet · 26/05/2021 17:10

Why is your son not in the picture? It’s him who should be making sure you spend time with your grandchildren? Was there abuse?

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 26/05/2021 17:21

No there wasn't... but personal reasons..
he has no objection in me seeing grandkids and has given permission

OP posts:
Naunet · 26/05/2021 17:35

What possible personal reasons could he have for not seeing his own children? You seem to be coming down pretty hard on his ex OP, but he is just as responsible for the kids as she is, and he’s completely opted out. If you make excuses for him, or protect him for this, maybe that’s why she’s less keen to keep a relationship with you?

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 26/05/2021 18:19

It's not that.. I'm not coming down hard either..
She hasn't allowed him to see kids or us since being in relationship and having another child.. since this new guy that's when all contact stopped..
She had relationships before that and we still saw kids they stayed over all the time..no problems
The mother used to be over too..
We had a great relationship great times too was very close then just stopped.. so just want that bond back again.. I don't even see my son
And his reasons and the mothers not my place to interfere but with grandchildren yes I'd love to hv contact again..

OP posts:
MelissaD10 · 05/06/2021 10:14

Been through this on the other side... went on for ages and ages but finally there was no access granted thank goodness.

I understand you’ve tried but as soon as we got the court papers through that was it we were done with any kind of relationship or anything in the future. It’s a shame that it has to come to court because that can rule out any reconciliation in the future.

Our case which was precovid took over a year to sort Angry

babyoven32 · 08/07/2021 19:38

@MelissaD10 I would be so interested to know a bit of the background here. Paternal grandparents have just pulled the legal card to put pressure on a meet up. I am sick with anxiety over it all. I keep seeing scenarios where contact is granted in the strangest of circumstances so worry that they will be successful. Would love to know a bit more. They are well off and I will struggle to pay legal costs.

ElsieMc · 19/07/2021 09:12

I had my gc's placed with me through the courts. Then father of gs1 wanted contact which I was initially willing to facilitate for sake of gs. However his parents got involved, started returning gs late and I became very worried. Then his father became abusive and violent if he did not get his own way and contact ceased.

They took me to court and got contact eow. His dad soon lost interest as expected. He began to hate and resent the contact and especially disliked his paternal gp. At 16 he walked away from them. But in the preceding years it moved from supervised to unsupervised and back again. This was due to his father committing more violent offending including gbh.

He now refuses all contact and will not even visit the town in which they live. His paternal gp had an harassment warning from the police as he came to my home and filmed me through my window and continually harassed gs including swearing at him in public.

I suspect you will win some form of contact op. This is because you have formed a loving relationship with your grandchildren which will benefit them. It also provides family links which are considered important.

It seems very strange she would cut you off op, because you have provided a childminding service which has benefitted her in the past, gives her a break and enjoyment for the gs's. You do not say if they welcome contact. I do hope so, because often people think of their own wants and needs first and sadly my story demonstrates the end result of unhappy enforced contact.

Original poster
Scorpion27 · 20/07/2021 17:41

Hiya,
Thank you for that..
We have won't the case and will be having contact.. 🥳

OP posts: