When I pass, how can I ensure everything goes to my children and not my husband?

[flumpsss]

The children are mine and my husbands children.

Husband and I keep finances separate and it works for us. The house we live in was purchased post marriage, in cash by me and is in my name. I know that doesn't make it solely mine. I also have a vast amount of money, investments and assets. My husband is nowhere close to having this kind of net worth. I pay for vast majority of things such as school fees, holidays etc.

My hope would be that in the event I should pass, everything I have would go to my children. My husband could continue to live in the house but it is ultimately theirs. I will also leave one bank account (amongst many) with a vast amount of money which is solely for him to ensure he will never struggle in any way and can continue to have a very high standard of living.

I know it sounds crazy but I have a perhaps somewhat irrational fear that if I should pass, my husband might take everything and not give it all or at all to my children. Perhaps because the sum is so big he might give some of it to his extended family? Maybe he would sell the house and downsize and fritter the remainder or give it to people? I don't know but all I know is I want to prevent that from ever being a possibility. I feel a discussion with him about this is pointless as when I'm gone he could go against what we've discussed and I know that money changes people. Can I just put this in a will or does it automatically go to my husband? Do I need to set up trusts? Should the house go in my children's name now (concerning as even though they are so young, when 18 they could maybe kick me out)? Could anyone advise?

Get a solicitor's advice.
But yes, you can leave the house to your children while retaining your husband's right to live there till he dies.

As said previously see a solicitor. You can give him a life interest in the property

The simple answer to your question is, you do this by seeing a solicitor and making a will. So long as you have a properly drafted and valid will there should be no problem with leaving your assets as you wish - what you are wanting to do is not that unusual or exceptional and for a very modest sum a solicitor or professional will writer will be able to sort it out for you. It's when people either don't make a will at all or mess around trying to DIY it based off dodgy internet advice that they run into trouble...

Basically in english law (maybe different elsewhere), you can leave what property/money you like to your children and you do not have to leave anything to your spouse in most circumstances (so long as the property and money is genuinely yours and not jointly owned with your spouse and your spouse is not financially dependent on you). There should be no risk of your husband simply 'taking the money' so long as, as above, the will is properly made and valid (there are some very limited circumstances in which a spouse can challenge a will but a solicitor will advise). You can certainly leave him a life interest in the house or a right to reside there for life, and leave the actual ownership in trust for your DC - as I say this is pretty standard stuff your solicitor can advise on. Leaving it in trust means young children aren't actually in control of/responsible for the property and money (as for obvious reasons that would be impractical!), the norm would be for the surviving parent to be a trustee alongside one or 2 neutral 3rd parties (can be a solicitor and/or another relative, solicitor will obviously charge for this service) who will ensure the interests of the DC are looked after and an appropriate amount is released from the fund for their care/education whilst looking after the capital. The DC then get full access to the money at 18/21/whatever age the trust specifies, although if you've given your DH a life interest in the house they wouldn't actually be able to sell the house until he dies, which may assuage your concerns about them suddenly coming into huge amounts of money aged 18 if the majority is actually tied up in the property?

Whilst I agree you shouldn't just leave this to the word of your DH (as like you say, even for totally honest and trustworthy people, things change, it's common for a surviving spouse to remarry and have step children or even subsequent birth children which can complicate matters). That's why as above it's so important to make a proper will. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss between you what your will arrangements are, as aside from the financials you'd want to discuss things like guardianship for your DC should both of you unfortunately die, trustees for any money to be left for the DC, life interests in each others assets, what should happen to anything jointly owned, it seems only fair to be transparent about this even if ultimately you keep separate finances so it's up to you - most married couples make 'mirror' wills and a solicitor will often discount the price to draw these up at the same time - so in simple terms you would both leave all your assets to the DC with a life interest to the other, or all your assets to the DC with a life interest in the property only to the other, or whatever. Worth considering your life insurance situation too and any death in service/pensions entitlement to and who is named on those policies, again do you want it to go to the spouse absolutely or to the DC in trust, worth a proper discussion and legal advice again...

How odd to have 'vast amounts of money' and no financial advisor/lawyer LOL.

Also odd that you'd be married to someone and not trust that they'd not give fair share of money to the children. How strange. I have tried to reverse the OP's message as if a husband would be writing it, and it doesn't sound right at all.

@Whitney168

How odd to have 'vast amounts of money' and no financial advisor/lawyer LOL.

Very strange! For someone so rich to have absolutely no idea of how someone might make a will? Or get legal advice?

Which country are you in?

Basically in english law (maybe different elsewhere), you can leave what property/money you like to your children and you do not have to leave anything to your spouse in most circumstances

This isn't strictly true

A spouse can challenge a will under the "reasonable provisions" clause

I have the same situation. Inheritance from my parents (including property) is in their will to be placed in trust so "family" money/assets are protected

Then as we have a Tenancy in common mortgage I have left DH my share of the house and also one life insurance policy

Then my will states that all other assets are split between the children

There is sufficient for DH to be mortgage free but I certainly didn't work my ass off for him to retire early and spend it all (or get re married and another woman and her kids get their hands on it) so he only gets around 25% of my assets (excluding inheritance in trust)

Don’t you have a financial advisor? Wealth Management company dealing with your investments?

For someone with a ‘vast’ fortune you sound a bit clueless.

@Whitney168

How odd to have 'vast amounts of money' and no financial advisor/lawyer LOL.

I thought prior to meeting up with solicitors etc it would be helpful to have my own understanding first which is the purpose of this post.

But I don't understand the purpose of your reply.. are you trying to imply I'm lying or something?

If you have always earnt more than your dh he could be classed as a dependent in the same way as a woman who earns less (usually because of childcare responsibilities) can't be "disinherited" by her husband. You have to leave him with a reasonable amount to live on to maintain his current lifestyle but it sounds like you are going to do tht in any case.

Get it sorted quick. If he remarried and then died it could all go to his new wife and your kids won't get a look in.

@JensonsAcolyte

Don’t you have a financial advisor? Wealth Management company dealing with your investments?

For someone with a ‘vast’ fortune you sound a bit clueless.

That's a bit rude. Yes I have financial advisors but with lockdown I haven't been able to meet them in person and that's how I prefer to communicate. I THOUGHT I could just get some knowledge from others before I meet them, is that really so hard to understand?

Thanks for all the other extremely helpful and informative replies

Surely with such a vast amount of money you would be taking proper legal advice instead of asking on mumsnet.

@AuntieDolly

Get it sorted quick. If he remarried and then died it could all go to his new wife and your kids won't get a look in.

This is a real fear of mine. We've not long had our second child so it's been on my to do list, but will get on it ASAP

Who's going to be your executor?

When did people stop saying "die"? What's wrong with die?

Mumsnet is great for advice but you do have to be careful - most of us are not lawyers so could be telling you things that are completely (or worse partially!) wrong. It is a bit like googling your symptoms before you go to the doctor.

Oh nearly cross-posted with Harriet. I'd get an independent executor - solicitors can do it for you for a fee. And you're right to be concerned - no matter how much love there is in a relationship money can massively change people. It happened to me and my brother when my parents died, and I've also seen it happen to family friends where the widower married again after nine months and buggered off to New Zealand with his internet wife, leaving his kids in the UK with nothing. You need to make this watertight.

And don't worry about people asking why you have no financial advisors etc - we don't know how you came into money - and it's none of our business. But if it's a lump sum, or a bequest, or a fucking massive lottery win, then it takes time to get that set up and support together, to research who you're going to use, and most importantly, to be able to trust those parties with thousands or even millions of pounds. So take your time to do it all, and do it well.

Go to a specialist firm like Sinclair Gibson and they can structure it all for you. My experience of this is there is a trust holding the assets, the spouse is a life tenant but not a beneficiary, the kids are the ultimate beneficiary. The life tenant can use the assets for various defined purposes including education and support of the kids - if there's any doubt, it has to be approved by the trustees. That way the surviving spouse can keep lifestyle going for themselves and the kids but can't remarry and leave it all to a new partner and disinherit the kids from the first marriage. Depending on the size of the trust you can set up a family office (hire your own investment manager), join a multi-family office or go through wealth managers.

Given you don't trust your husband, I'd get divorced. That would be a start.

Which county are you in?

@flumpsss Yes I have financial advisors but with lockdown I haven't been able to meet them in person and that's how I prefer to communicate. I THOUGHT I could just get some knowledge from others before I meet them

That makes no sense. You're happy to take "advice" from random strangers on an internet forum who you've not met F2F, but won't "talk" to your financial advisers by phone or email. Why not have a telephone chat with your usual advisers to start with and then follow it up with a F2F meeting when available.

@Xiaoxiong

Go to a specialist firm like Sinclair Gibson and they can structure it all for you. My experience of this is there is a trust holding the assets, the spouse is a life tenant but not a beneficiary, the kids are the ultimate beneficiary. The life tenant can use the assets for various defined purposes including education and support of the kids - if there's any doubt, it has to be approved by the trustees. That way the surviving spouse can keep lifestyle going for themselves and the kids but can't remarry and leave it all to a new partner and disinherit the kids from the first marriage. Depending on the size of the trust you can set up a family office (hire your own investment manager), join a multi-family office or go through wealth managers.

Thank you very much for this

@rainbowthoughts

Which county are you in?

England