When I pass, how can I ensure everything goes to my children and not my husband?

[flumpsss]

The children are mine and my husbands children.

Husband and I keep finances separate and it works for us. The house we live in was purchased post marriage, in cash by me and is in my name. I know that doesn't make it solely mine. I also have a vast amount of money, investments and assets. My husband is nowhere close to having this kind of net worth. I pay for vast majority of things such as school fees, holidays etc.

My hope would be that in the event I should pass, everything I have would go to my children. My husband could continue to live in the house but it is ultimately theirs. I will also leave one bank account (amongst many) with a vast amount of money which is solely for him to ensure he will never struggle in any way and can continue to have a very high standard of living.

I know it sounds crazy but I have a perhaps somewhat irrational fear that if I should pass, my husband might take everything and not give it all or at all to my children. Perhaps because the sum is so big he might give some of it to his extended family? Maybe he would sell the house and downsize and fritter the remainder or give it to people? I don't know but all I know is I want to prevent that from ever being a possibility. I feel a discussion with him about this is pointless as when I'm gone he could go against what we've discussed and I know that money changes people. Can I just put this in a will or does it automatically go to my husband? Do I need to set up trusts? Should the house go in my children's name now (concerning as even though they are so young, when 18 they could maybe kick me out)? Could anyone advise?

[quote user1497207191]**@flumpsss* Yes I have financial advisors but with lockdown I haven't been able to meet them in person and that's how I prefer to communicate. I THOUGHT I could just get some knowledge from others before I meet them*

That makes no sense. You're happy to take "advice" from random strangers on an internet forum who you've not met F2F, but won't "talk" to your financial advisers by phone or email. Why not have a telephone chat with your usual advisers to start with and then follow it up with a F2F meeting when available.[/quote]
The I guess it just doesn't make sense? I've not long had my second baby too. But it's not that I WON'T meet with them, my preference is just face to face and I thought I would do a bit of research online first that's all

@SweatyBetty20

Oh nearly cross-posted with Harriet. I'd get an independent executor - solicitors can do it for you for a fee. And you're right to be concerned - no matter how much love there is in a relationship money can massively change people. It happened to me and my brother when my parents died, and I've also seen it happen to family friends where the widower married again after nine months and buggered off to New Zealand with his internet wife, leaving his kids in the UK with nothing. You need to make this watertight.

And don't worry about people asking why you have no financial advisors etc - we don't know how you came into money - and it's none of our business. But if it's a lump sum, or a bequest, or a fucking massive lottery win, then it takes time to get that set up and support together, to research who you're going to use, and most importantly, to be able to trust those parties with thousands or even millions of pounds. So take your time to do it all, and do it well.

Thank you.. Can't believe I'm being told to divorce over my concerns which I feel are pretty valid.

Yes I have financial advisors but with lockdown I haven't been able to meet them in person and that's how I prefer to communicate. I THOUGHT I could just get some knowledge from others before I meet them, - so you want to meet the people qualified to advise you a ]bout this in person but are prepared to take advice in the meantime on an internet forum from a bunch of people with no knowledge of your specific circumstances who may or may not have any qualifications at all - and some of whom will likely be spouting rubbish? Yup, that makes sense.

There's trust and trust. Men remarry when widowed faster than women, and transfer affections to the new woman and by extension her children. It isn't unreasonable to expect your money to go to your own children only, not your widowed husband's future stepchildren.

Can anyone else recommend specialist firms for this kind of work please? We have a legal firm we use but I'm not the biggest fan of them.

Never put a house in your children's name while you are still alive if you're not willing to risk losing it. All it takes is for a child to get married and then divorced and the house will be counted as marital assets and could go to the estranged spouse.

The senario you describe where you leave a house to children, but your husband has the right to live in it can be covered by a will. Your solicitor will advise.

You need proper advice on this.

In England and Wales you can leave what you like to whomever you like in your Will but it can be challenged by a claim under the inheritance act by your husband. As a rule of thumb they would look at what he would get in a divorce.

Without a Will he doesn't get everything either - he would get the first £270k, your personal chattels and half the rest, the other half going to your children.

As PP said you could set up a life interest trust so he can stay in the property for the rest of his life and then it will pass to your children. You can also do this with cash and investments- he could be entitled to the income with the capital passing to the children on his death.

Have you discussed this with him?

Lockdown hasn’t broken phones.

And I’m unsure why you would use a legal firm you are not the biggest fan of.

@notagain20
I always think pass what? Pass go and collect £200? Wouldn't even pay for the coffin!

@QwertyGirly

Also odd that you'd be married to someone and not trust that they'd not give fair share of money to the children. How strange. I have tried to reverse the OP's message as if a husband would be writing it, and it doesn't sound right at all.

It's not about trust today, it is about what happens if DH remarries? He will presumably love the new wife and want to protect her if he dies. What if they have children together? What if he leaves everything to her with the assumption that she can be trusted to leave it to the OPs kids when she dies? By your reckoning, he should be able to trust his new wife to do that, but I really wouldn't

@flumpsss, in the meanwhile have a REALLY good think about who want to be your executor(s) and trustees.

I've personally experienced and witnessed some terrible behaviours from executors and trustees, spending money that isn't theirs, hiding assets, etc. All family members. Very sad.

Also in the meantime get as much in your children's names as possible now. £50k premium bonds and £9k child ISA each might be chump change to you, but there are other bonds you can explore. Unless you think your husband would cash them in for himself? In which case you've got a problem.

Very strange - I’ve managed to engage with my IFA and lawyers despite lockdown and set up trusts to protect my DC. If you’ve ‘vast’ amounts of money you should be focused on inheritance planning as well as ring fencing funds. The challenge is that 40% of what you leave will go to HMRC ( if you are in the UK) over and above the IHT threshold. Anything you leave your DH is tax free though. You might with to gamble on trusting him to hand over the cash to protect 40% of your estate or set up a trust with your IFA rather than reaching out to mumsnet which is an odd thing to do

In England under the age of 18 you can't own property other than under a trust.

Given you don't trust your husband, I'd get divorced. That would be a start

Bit much?

O/p I have done the same. I don’t have “vast amounts” of money but have a basic will so dh has a home for the rest of his life, and the kids will inherit once he dies. He has his own pensions to live off.

I’ve done this not because I don’t trust him, but because everything is mine, i brought it into the marriage. He has kids from a previous marriage and if I did nothing there’s every chance half of my estate would go to his kids.

That and the fact my mum was widowed young, my dad did leave her “vast amounts” of money, and she’s spent every penny. Not through any intent, she’d just never worked, and the money was enough to live comfortably, but didn’t stretch to the lifestyle she was used to. Several bad property decisions, too many luxury holidays, no income of her own, and there will be nothing left for me and my siblings. I just want my kids to have a little financial boost. Dh doesn’t need it.

This is crazy, anyone with any sizeable amount of money needs to be getting proper advice from qualified individuals with professional indemnity insurance not unknown randomers.

Tell your solicitor what you want to achieve and let them advise you. This is a relatively simple request surely, you don't need a hotshot City firm for wills and trusts any reasonable size provincial firm will be more than capable

As PP said you could set up a life interest trust so he can stay in the property for the rest of his life and then it will pass to your children.

What if he needs to sell that house - for a job move, or to downsize?

@peachgreen

Given you don't trust your husband, I'd get divorced. That would be a start.

I don't agree with this at all. It's prudent to be aware that after your death anything could happen. It is likely that her dh would remarry and have kids and to him the new kids would be as much his as the existing ones.

I have a trust set up, basically it issues a certain amount of money for husbands living expenses but everything goes to the children. They also access the main account without a reason that I've already listed and they will need to get permission to withdraw. I've also gone further to try and protect this money further if it is to be used in something that will be shared with another. So if they use it to buy a house the money used will remain my child's so it doesn't get lost in a divorce. I used a local wealth specialist.

What if he needs to sell that house - for a job move, or to downsize?

It’s not unusual, and a trust will allow for this. My dh can sell this house, but either he uses the money to buy another property, or if he doesn’t the money reverts to the child’s trust.

Speak to a solicitor and make a will. DH and I have joint finances but also have wills in place in case either of us pass so both the children and each other are ok. It's good to do this now and set aside that bank account. We intend to split up the children's account when they're adults and they'll each get a fair amount for house deposit, loans, etc.

Id look into setting up a trust, as your children will end up paying huge inheritance tax if it all goes to them (40% over £500k).

Thanks, Bluebluezoo. We just have basic mirror wills in place at present (and no vast sums apart from the house) but it’s worth bearing in mind.

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

Id look into setting up a trust, as your children will end up paying huge inheritance tax if it all goes to them (40% over £500k).

What I came here to say. You can even put property in to trust, we've organised it so the surviving spouse can live there for the rest of their lives but ultimately ends up with DS.

@OnandOnforHoursandHours

As PP said you could set up a life interest trust so he can stay in the property for the rest of his life and then it will pass to your children.

What if he needs to sell that house - for a job move, or to downsize?

That's common and can happen without too many hoops to jump through. The new house would be bought under the same trust, so the original worth would be "ring fenced" as part of the new house.

If you so much surely you could leave your husband a home without depriving your children?

Gosh. I'm really surprised that so many people here are of the same mindset. For me this would indicate a fundamental mistrust of my spouse.

My DH passed away last year and told me that he wanted me to remarry and find someone who would be a parental figure for our daughter. I would have been incredibly hurt if a) he didn't trust me to put our daughter first and b) if his wish for happiness was conditional, i.e. "you can love someone else but they're not having any of my money". I just can't imagine it. And I find it even less imaginable the other way around. If DH had died I absolutely would want him to have full access to my finances and I would trust him to put DD first always. I don't think I could stay married to someone if I didn't. Hence my shocked reaction.

But I'm clearly in the minority and I apologise for assuming my own circumstances would be transferable. Sorry OP, wishing you all the best with getting sorted.