When I pass, how can I ensure everything goes to my children and not my husband?

[flumpsss]

The children are mine and my husbands children.

Husband and I keep finances separate and it works for us. The house we live in was purchased post marriage, in cash by me and is in my name. I know that doesn't make it solely mine. I also have a vast amount of money, investments and assets. My husband is nowhere close to having this kind of net worth. I pay for vast majority of things such as school fees, holidays etc.

My hope would be that in the event I should pass, everything I have would go to my children. My husband could continue to live in the house but it is ultimately theirs. I will also leave one bank account (amongst many) with a vast amount of money which is solely for him to ensure he will never struggle in any way and can continue to have a very high standard of living.

I know it sounds crazy but I have a perhaps somewhat irrational fear that if I should pass, my husband might take everything and not give it all or at all to my children. Perhaps because the sum is so big he might give some of it to his extended family? Maybe he would sell the house and downsize and fritter the remainder or give it to people? I don't know but all I know is I want to prevent that from ever being a possibility. I feel a discussion with him about this is pointless as when I'm gone he could go against what we've discussed and I know that money changes people. Can I just put this in a will or does it automatically go to my husband? Do I need to set up trusts? Should the house go in my children's name now (concerning as even though they are so young, when 18 they could maybe kick me out)? Could anyone advise?

I suggested Sinclair Gibson above because I know someone who was very happy with them. The other approach is to talk to your financial advisors - they may have a firm of solicitors they've worked with before and can recommend. I know you prefer to speak face to face, but given the covid situation plus most people working from home I think I'd get my head round zoom calls with your advisors for quite some time yet.

But if you want to find a law firm in your area at least, you can go to:
www.legal500.com/united-kingdom-solicitors/

Choose your region on the left, eg. South West, and then choose "Private Client" and then "Personal tax, trusts and probate". There will pop up a list of different tiers of firms in your local area, together with recommended individuals that might be worth approaching. You'll end up on a page like this (for example):

www.legal500.com/c/south-west/private-client/personal-tax-trusts-and-probate/

Organise a 30 min zoom call with a few different ones to see what they would recommend, and then engage the one that you feel best about working closely with to sort out a structure that works for what you want to happen if you die before your husband.

And ignore the people saying you should divorce him because you don't trust him - family money arrangements are entirely personal and it's not one size fits all, especially if people came into the marriage with different levels of assets. If you haven't combined finances that is entirely your and your DH's choice to make.

@peachgreen.

Sorry for your loss, but surely you can imagine that if you did remarry, say that person had kids. You die, then he can leave everything to his kids and yours with nothing. Even if he doesn’t do it intentionally, your dr may now have to split everything 3 or 4 ways between his children. Or if he then remarries, everything of yours may go to his new spouse.

Even if you divorce, if he has no significant assets you will have to split yours 50:50, possibly even selling the house you and dh owned.

If he’s shit with money he may just spend it all.

I hope you protect yourself if you do remarry.

My dh's mother was widowed and remarried, they talked a lot about securing each other if one passed, three or four months after marrying mil died leaving a bulk to new husband. When he died his children inherited mil's part or what was left of it.

This happened to someone I knew. She was a multi millionaire with a bit of a useless partner. For some reason she didn't get proper financial advice about how to make sure the money went to her children (a mix of just hers and their children together). I guess she thought she had time to sort it out but she died very unexpectedly fairly young. And her children have barely seen a penny.

I don't understand why you have a legal team you don't think much of. Go elsewhere - you have to absolutely trust them.

@bluebluezoo Well, that's a completely different situation than the OP's because it's her DH's own children she's talking about. I can't imagine not trusting the father of my children not to put them first financially to the point that I want to ensure it's explicit in my will.

That said, for me now, a) I wouldn't marry anyone I didn't trust to look after my child after my death and b) if I did remarry I would start from a position of expecting our finances to be combined and for this to include his children too, if he had them. And I know late DH would understand that.

I do totally get that I seem to be the unusual one here though and it has definitely made me think.

I know someone who recently died and hadn't updated their will - their new wife of 6 months (verging on a mail order bride to put it kindly) inherited everything and swiftly informed his children from his 40 year marriage to his first wife who died a couple of years ago that they were getting nothing 🙄

Hope for the best plan for the worst

Anyone who thinks that children from a first marriage don't get disinherited of family money by a new spouse is naive at best and downright stupid at worst

Absolutely see a good lawyer as I don't thinks it's quite as simple as people are making out to be.

You make a will and tie it all up legally.

I know when I've done this with my dh, I had to leave something to him, otherwise he could have contested it, but I did this in the form of an insurance policy which pays out upon my death, the rest goes to my children (who aren't his).

See an attorney and ring fence it. Making that only your children can loan from it without paying it back .. your spouse nor their spouses can access these funds. A property investor once shared this with us.. there is an initial sum of money the spouse gets access to but the main inheritors are in the second ring .. kind of like a trust only they can withdraw money from with a zero payback policy within reason. Worth looking into if you have more than the average Joe

There is a famous case with Lynda Bellingham. Her son's have been disinherited. It's a heartbreaking story.

DH married me with no assets and I have a house. Too right it's being left to the children.

You only have to remember Linda Bellamy
( actress and the mum in the oxo adds )
She died young and very wealthy with multiple properties
She had assumed her new husband of only a few years would ensure her two boys were ok
He didn’t and kept everything I think some was stuff that Linda had inherited from her late husband so her boys father
Anyone who won’t think about this happening in real life is pretty stupid
Men seem to remarry much quicker after the death of a spouse often to a younger woman who will have her own children

@OneRingToRuleThemAll
Great minds 😂

I've done this. We have adult dcs from previous marriages, none together. I paid cash for the house.

I would speak to a solicitor who specialises in wills, they will be the experts at setting up a testamentary trust. Financial advice is not the key here.

You sound fairly paranoid (worried about both your husband and children taking advantage of you) and twice refer to your VAST amount of wealth. The wealthy people I know would never ever write a post like this on Mumsnet. Weird thread

@QwertyGirly

Also odd that you'd be married to someone and not trust that they'd not give fair share of money to the children. How strange. I have tried to reverse the OP's message as if a husband would be writing it, and it doesn't sound right at all.

It certainly sounds right to me in reverse. Many husbands have similar concerns to the OP, particularly when dealing with blended families.

It isn't about trust. The OP is being sensible. If she dies leaving everything to her husband and he remarries, that will invalidate his will. If he then dies without making a new will, most of the OP's estate would end up in the hands of his new wife. Her children would get only a small fraction of the legacy the OP wants to leave.

If, as some on this thread have advised, she leaves him a life interest in some or all of her estate, she can ensure that her children inherit whatever happens.

You need to find a solicitor who is a member of STEP (Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners) who is someone who really knows what they are doing.

If you are talking about serious amounts of money (several millions) then it is probably worth going to Macfarlanes, Withers or Charles Russel as some of the very top practices in this area. If not then look for a STEP member solicitor fairly near you.

No advice about a good solicitor sorry but just to say I think you're doing the right thing. I don't have 'vast' amounts of money by any stretch of the imagination but dead I am worth considerably more than DH, and when I eventually get around to making a will I will ensure that he is looked after, but also that his existing DCs / any new family wouldn't eventually inherit from me if I were to die first. I don't think its odd to want to have control of this, particularly when you have children to consider.

If you have plenty of money and want the top advice then I suggest one of these firms who know what they are doing: www.legal500.com/c/london/private-client/personal-tax-trusts-and-probate/
I can personally recommend Macfarlanes and Withers - either would do a great job as would many others at the top of this list.

[quote peachgreen]@bluebluezoo Well, that's a completely different situation than the OP's because it's her DH's own children she's talking about. I can't imagine not trusting the father of my children not to put them first financially to the point that I want to ensure it's explicit in my will.

That said, for me now, a) I wouldn't marry anyone I didn't trust to look after my child after my death and b) if I did remarry I would start from a position of expecting our finances to be combined and for this to include his children too, if he had them. And I know late DH would understand that.

I do totally get that I seem to be the unusual one here though and it has definitely made me think.[/quote]
Hey peach,

I think the argument is that if something happened to the OP and her DH did remarry, without any ring-fencing on her part there is a chance that DH's new wife may inherit everything if he then passes away, and she can then do as she pleases with it - like leaving it solely to her own children while OP's get nothing.

That said though, I do agree with your sentiment and actually think it's harsh on the husband for his wife to 'cut him out' in this way, despite the provisions she intends to make. I would expect this if he was the children's stepfather, not their actual biological father.

Although I guess the argument is there that if OP & her hubby are financial independent of each other and he lives in a house she has purchased in cash, then assuming he works he should have quite a bit of his own money put away too since he's not paying a mortgage/rent.

@flumpsss I'm a financial adviser and deal with this sort of thing every day. Make sure you write your will via a solicitor and discuss trusts and lifetime interest in the property for your husband. Be very clear on what you want.

If you have life insurance ensure the policies are in trust to whom you want them paid. It is simply a case of calling the provider (or some their website) and completing a trust form to lodge with them (it will need witnessing).

Any work benefits should also be tied up via nomination.

@Whitney168

How odd to have 'vast amounts of money' and no financial advisor/lawyer LOL.

That was my first thought too! Surely someone with so much money would already have a financial advisor who will have advised their client on inheritance, plus they would have a solicitor that will have drawn up their will?

But I don't understand the purpose of your reply.. are you trying to imply I'm lying or something?

Probably

Loads of free advice for the rest of us though