Fiancé has debt from his past. What happens when we marry

[chickadeeeee]

Just that really. Do I inherit his debt when married?

@Bluetoybox Isn't it interesting how if the situation were reversed you'd all be telling the OP to marry him to make sure she was financially protected.

'Interesting' in the sense of 'completely fabricated by you'. So not really that interesting, no.

I'd give a man of the same age, with a female partner in a similar situation, precisely the same advice.

Love doesn't pay bills. Love doesn't hold up in court; contracts do.

I would not marry him.

If you marry ensure your finances and home are ring fenced

Before marriage I would have something in place.
If I died first my house would be left to my children as would any money, although he would get to live his life out in the house providing he was single or not remarrying.
I have a will but would obviously need to update it.
I have considered changing my house into my children's names.
I have known him 9 years. He is working now and financially secure as in day to day living. No savings or assets.
It's just this debt that bothers me.

And if you divorced or he ran up debts in your name jointly as he claims his ex did to him?

How old are your kids?

There was a thread only days ago where the male op had met a woman in her 60s with no money or job and he was advised to be very wary.

My kids are 23 and 18.
I don't intend having joint bank accounts with him or anyone.

@chickadeeeee

Before marriage I would have something in place. If I died first my house would be left to my children as would any money, although he would get to live his life out in the house providing he was single or not remarrying. I have a will but would obviously need to update it. I have considered changing my house into my children's names. I have known him 9 years. He is working now and financially secure as in day to day living. No savings or assets. It's just this debt that bothers me.

But OP, you could drop down dead the day after making the will, and he might live to be 99. He might have nothing to do with your children in all those years. That's their inheritance, not his.

And I wouldn't change your house into your children's names - again, you don't know what's going to happen in the future. It's your house and you need to always have that control over it.

If you do want to stay with this guy, then just don't get married. Write a will leaving everything to the children. Mention him in the will, giving him the right to stay there for a while, eg a year or two, with him being responsible for any upkeep while he lives there.

Marriage is romantic for the day but you need to think of it as a business agreement. Would you set up in business with someone who owed £20K? No matter what he says, that debt didn't get there without some of his involvement. The debt is 12 years old and he hasn't done anything about repaying it until recently. Would you put your house and your money into a legal partnership with someone like that, knowing that they could legally use your money?

Forget the romance - that should be in everyday events. When you have a house, money and children then you can't afford to legally tie yourself to someone who has such a bad financial track record. (And an absolutely appalling track record of paying his debts.)

Let him live there rent-free if you like. That's an amazing gift for anyone. But that should be your limit.

It's only over the last few years he has started to pay off the debt due to not working with serious health problems. The debt is what his ex wife took out in joint names after they had separated. I don't know how he is liable for it but he has accepted it as his.
I'd think twice before swallowing that story.

I wouldn't live together or get married until he's cleared it. That is major debt, OP. And you only have his word for how it was run up.

If you have assets and children, you need to protect them.

Too much risk. Have a relationship but why get married? You're putting your security at risk. If he moves in, get some kind of cohabitation agreement in place to protect your property. Don't let your heart rule your head. You have a lot to lose and not much to gain.

@chickadeeeee is it likely that his ill-health might return? Do your kids live with you?

Do not even considering getting married in your circumstances and his debt. Do you really believe he still has debt from all those years ago from his ex....potential cock lodger me thinks but protect yourself

He's not going to clear that debt, is he? If he's around your age then he'll retire in 10 years - he's not going to pay it off in that time. Given his lack of interest in paying it off in the past, he's not going to suddenly go all gung ho on it. And with the interest rates, paying £2K back won't mean the equivalent reduction in the debt.

With the £2K I mentioned, I meant if he thinks it's going to take £2K repayment each year for 10 years.

Why would you put it in your kids names
If they get married and then divorced the house would be an asset that would need to sold / remortgaged to pay the partner off so you could easily end up homeless in your 50s -60s
When something isn’t that simple to do it’s often for a very good reason .
Just live together be happy and keep your own money and house .
If he pushes to get married then he probably has an agenda in that he wants something
Marriage will benefit him 100 percent .
Marriage could and more likely will fuck you up financially 100 percent
Do you really want to be in your 60s having to remortgage or sell up or go into rented all because you can’t stop the fanny gallops 😂

I don’t see why you have to provide a home for the rest of his life. That could be 30-40 years before your children get possession of the house.

Just leave the house to your children.

@chickadeeeee

Just out of curiosity, why particularly are you considering marriage? Is it a religious 'feeling' against living together? Is it just that you feel it's the 'next logical step' in a relationship? Or is he the one who is pushing for marriage? Because honestly and practically, it is NOT in your best interests.

And marriage doesn't really mean any higher level of commitment than living together. Commitment is in your heart, not in the law. Marriage vows are broken and marriages end all the time. My uncle and 'aunt' met in their late 50s/early 60s and never married. They were faithful and loving to the end of my uncle's life, with my aunt nursing him through cancer. No 'real' wife could have been more loving and caring.

Marriage is practical when there are children involved (or hoped for) or when one partner gives up a career or a source of income (like a survivor's pension or alimony) to be a 'stay at home' (whether children are involved or not). Other than that, not so much.

Oh, and 'fear of being alone' is the WORST possible reason to get married!

Does he have a plan for paying off the debt? Is he really going to manage it?

I wouldn't marry. I'd leave the house to your DC only too. I can't imagine wanting to give someone a home for life after I died if they weren't my children or hadn't contributed to it in some way.

No religious reasons just feel like it's the next step. After reading all of these I won't be doing it. Will suggest living together and see how he reacts.

@Inthefuture

Does he have a plan for paying off the debt? Is he really going to manage it?

He just says he's sorting it 😕.

Phew!! There really is no need to get married. Enjoy your financial security.