Fiancé has debt from his past. What happens when we marry

[chickadeeeee]

Just that really. Do I inherit his debt when married?

I wouldn't marry, no. You could have a church wedding with no actual civil signing of a marriage thing involved - whatever it's called.
Married at heart, but not in funds lol

@ismiseeire

I wouldn't marry, no. You could have a church wedding with no actual civil signing of a marriage thing involved - whatever it's called. Married at heart, but not in funds lol

It's a blessing. Not legally recognised

It's a blessing. Not legally recognised

That's the point. They can be married to an extent, but not legally. She still retains her property.

@Monty27

I'm happy to be corrected but I've heard many people say it's harder to divide finances for unmarried people in the event of a separation. Just be careful OP.

Not sure where you've heard that? Provided they don't have joint finances in any way, then living together doesn't pose a risk. If he moved in with op and wasn't named on deeds/mortgage and keeps all financial assets/bank accounts etc separate then the op is in the stronger position should things go wrong - it's her house and no combined finances

@ismiseeire

It's a blessing. Not legally recognised

That's the point. They can be married to an extent, but not legally. She still retains her property.

Yes - I was agreeing with you. I'm tired but I can't sleep - sorry! 😬

In practice, even if you just live together, if he can't or won't pay and it gets to the stage of court judgements and bailiffs, the bailiffs are legally entitled to assume everything in the house is his unless you can prove otherwise. You would end up bailing him out.

Another thing to consider is if you have children. My grandfather re-married, but died before his wife, so everything went to his wife’s children upon her death. It wasn’t about the money but about family heirlooms, photo albums, that sort of thing. It was very upsetting for my mum.

@safariboot

In practice, even if you just live together, if he can't or won't pay and it gets to the stage of court judgements and bailiffs, the bailiffs are legally entitled to assume everything in the house is his unless you can prove otherwise. You would end up bailing him out.

That's not true. If op has legal proof of ownership she'll be fine!

@safariboot

In practice, even if you just live together, if he can't or won't pay and it gets to the stage of court judgements and bailiffs, the bailiffs are legally entitled to assume everything in the house is his unless you can prove otherwise. You would end up bailing him out.

I lived through this exact experience and that's certainly not how it happened for me

@CandyLeBonBon Can you prove you own everything of value in your home? My dh and I share finances but even if we didn't I wouldn't be able to prove the TV was mine, the ipad is mine etc. So I'm not sure that would stand up very well.

Personally op, in your situation I wouldn't be marrying him. That is a lot of debt and he brings nothing positive financially to this union and you do.

How is he planning to pay it off? If he’s in his mid 50s and not in good health?

I definitely wouldn’t marry.

It’s divorce and an asset split not death and inheritance you need to worry about

I would not marry him. You are financially secure and you have your own home. Don't risk that for someone who rents, is for some reason prepared to take on debts that apparently are nothing to do with him and has no realistic prospect of paying them off.

[quote waitingpatientlyforspring]@CandyLeBonBon Can you prove you own everything of value in your home? My dh and I share finances but even if we didn't I wouldn't be able to prove the TV was mine, the ipad is mine etc. So I'm not sure that would stand up very well.

Personally op, in your situation I wouldn't be marrying him. That is a lot of debt and he brings nothing positive financially to this union and you do.[/quote]
I'm referring to my experiences with bailiffs from about 3 years ago. What you're talking about didn't happen to me but it's really not actually applicable to the op currently so I'm not sure this is a rabbit hole worth going down as I'm not sure how helpful it is to anyone. Perhaps putting together an inventory of everything before he moves in would be a sensible option.

OP, if you love him, then just marry him. Who cares if he then leaves you 2 years down the line and gets half your house, savings, pension? Surely thats a small price to pay for love???

"I'm happy to be corrected but I've heard many people say it's harder to divide finances for unmarried people in the event of a separation.
Just be careful OP"

Rubbish. If they're not married and they split up, he moves out and goes on his merry way. Job done.

Don't marry him OP!

@DropDTuning

I would not marry him. You are financially secure and you have your own home. Don't risk that for someone who rents, is for some reason prepared to take on debts that apparently are nothing to do with him and has no realistic prospect of paying them off.

This with bells on.

Don’t risk your future security (which would happen if you divorced in ten years and he claimed part of you assets).

Surely thats a small price to pay for love???

Nope. I dont know any female who has lost (sometimes significant) money through divorce to think that all my future security was worth throwing away on "love".

OP there are a million and one ways this could go wrong. What you need to know is that marriage does not benefit/protect the one with pre-existing assets.

Whether the mumsnet vipers predict the specific way it goes wrong for you or whether you live a long and happy marriage, you need to know that you are the one taking all the risk. There is no risk to you DP, only reward whether it works or not.

That to me isnt an equal relationship

Isn't it interesting how if the situation were reversed you'd all be telling the OP to marry him to make sure she was financially protected. You love this man enough to marry him but not enough to support him financially?

@Soontobe60,

It would probadly be 3 years but would include any period of co-habition.

Op, you are aware that in the event if divorce he will have a claim on joint assets, which is everything once you are married. This is more so if he can prove he has been financially dependent on you for housing needs

Marriage later in life has to be about equal assets so the risk is similar. You are taking all the risk.

How long have you known him.

@Bluetoybox

Isn't it interesting how if the situation were reversed you'd all be telling the OP to marry him to make sure she was financially protected. You love this man enough to marry him but not enough to support him financially?

Only if she was having children with him and ended up giving up a career to care for children.

@Hazelnutlatteplease

Surely thats a small price to pay for love???

Nope. I dont know any female who has lost (sometimes significant) money through divorce to think that all my future security was worth throwing away on "love".

OP there are a million and one ways this could go wrong. What you need to know is that marriage does not benefit/protect the one with pre-existing assets.

Whether the mumsnet vipers predict the specific way it goes wrong for you or whether you live a long and happy marriage, you need to know that you are the one taking all the risk. There is no risk to you DP, only reward whether it works or not.

That to me isnt an equal relationship

I think that pp was being tongue in cheek with their comment?

If the debts are in joint names why is he paying them on his own?
This happened to a friend of mine after separation but after providing proof she was separated from ex partner at time of debts being incurred she was removed from any liability.

@Bluetoybox

Isn't it interesting how if the situation were reversed you'd all be telling the OP to marry him to make sure she was financially protected. You love this man enough to marry him but not enough to support him financially?

That's possibly true, but we are giving the advice that is best for the person asking. If a woman in her fifties was asking if she should move in with a man who doesn't want to marry her we would ask for a bit more background. If, for instance, the woman had a place to live that she could afford but would struggle to find somewhere affordable to live if she was kicked out from the boyfriend's house at short notice then we would definitely say her choice is marry or don't move at all. Whereas if she had her own property that she could rent out or move back into and wasn't planning on having children, then she could move into a partner's house without marriage. That's because our advice generally revolves around not putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

We don't know the back story of the OP's partner, but if he asked we would point out vulnerabilities. If that means that we would give opposing advice to both parties, well that's how life works.

In your situation I would not marry OP.