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Original poster

Fact finding hearing. Family court.

29 replies

Pebbledashery · 21/01/2021 12:18

Hi all.
I'm due to have a fact finding hearing with my ex later on in the year. It's listed over 2 days. We've been told to submit 3 allegations each. I've submitted one for physical abuse, one for emotional and verbal and one for child abuse of our daughter :( how can I make sure that findings are made against me. I can evidence everything.. The abuse DD and I experienced was documented via the local authority, multiple police records, he was arrested 3 times for common assault and ABH.. He was never charged as I was too scared. I also told my midwife and DDs health visitor and they documented it also.. In the end we were removed from the area we lived in and relocated to safety by child protection services.. We were referred to MARAC 3 times also. I have pictures of my injuries, evidence of him abusing our daughter and multiple texts and email evidence too.. He also has a police history from a former ex partner, so I'm not his only victim. He doesn't have anything except emails from me which he's falsified and removed large parts of incriminating information and text messages. He's got texts from me blaming myself and taking the blame for things i didn't do etc.. But it's apparent from the wording I was just desperate.
The most worst part is he is denying absolutely everything.. No admission or accepting of responsibility and he's saying I perpetrated domestic abuse to him.
Is it safe to say I don't have too much to worry about?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pebbledashery · 21/01/2021 12:23

Findings against him is what i meant to say.

OP posts:
Livinginatree · 21/01/2021 12:25

I think you are fine as you have evidence from multiple agencies and photos. It's very normal for the abuser to make counter allegations, and frequently that the mother is abusive to the child so they are experienced in dealing with cases like this x

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 21/01/2021 12:32

He's got a recording of me shouting at DD when I was exhausted and it was just before he assaulted me quite badly. I've admitted to the shouting and gave context.. My solicitor heard the recording and said if anyone heard her shouting at her kids social services would take them away and I had nothing to worry about and I'd been honest. She said the Judge will probably wonder why he didn't help me instead of recording me.. If you admit to something then findings can't be made against you?
I'm just worried because it's literally like he believes his own lies.

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Livinginatree · 21/01/2021 19:09

It's better to be honest as then the court can trust what you say. I never removed a child for the parent shouting. It was always much more extreme and abusive behaviour. I doubt there are many, if any people, who have never shouted at their child.

Livinginatree · 21/01/2021 19:11

And yes, the fact that when you were struggling he decided to just stand and record you will not exactly endear him in the court's eyes. Let him dig his grave, stick to what you want to say (ie the abusive behaviour from him and the impact on you and most importantly the kids) and don't be drawn in to mud slinging.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 21/01/2021 19:11

@Livinginatree are you a social worker? Do you have any idea how contact can progress safely if findings are made against the abuser and they don't take a single modicum of responsibility or show remorse?

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Original poster
Pebbledashery · 21/01/2021 19:18

The biggest thing that's worrying me is currently we live in safety in an undisclosed location.. He told me I'd never be able to run and hide from him as he'd always find me and he'd make my life a misery every single day. If he finds out where we live, it's game over. How can the courts protect us in that respect? He's stalked me everywhere I've been.. He's an evil monster and I'm terrified of him.

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Livinginatree · 21/01/2021 19:27

Honestly I don't know anyone who can predict what decisions the court will make, and particularly without all the information. Sorry x

They should look at whether contact is in the child's best interests (usually they do unless very extreme circs and even then might still), and what is needed to facilitate it safely eg unsupervised or supervised and where by a friend/relative/contact centre and for how long is hours or overnight

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 21/01/2021 22:25

I'm not sure he'll get overnights any time soon.. I hope not anyway. His behaviour is abhorrent.

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Livinginatree · 22/01/2021 06:26

From what you have said I presume that will be the case and hopefully supervised or none x I think one thing they should focus on is handover and how you will stay safe, but if a contract centre that is plenty easy x

Averyhungrycaterpillar · 22/01/2021 06:52

Do you have an IDVA? If you're living in an undisclosed location, I hope someone has put you in touch with one. Please try not to worry, maybe speak to SS and see if you can get an executive summary from MARAC, to confirm that your case has been heard there 3 times. This is confirmation that you are a high risk case. The fact that you have professionals able to back up your case means a lot more than a couple of emails. Look after yourself Flowers

lovemenomore · 22/01/2021 07:03

Also ask for screens/separate room if possible in court.

You'll be in separate consultation rooms before but the court can provide protection via screens too if need be.

MrsBertBibby · 22/01/2021 09:00

Do you not have a solicitor?

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/01/2021 09:36

Hi all, thanks for this.
He will be having supervised contact in a contact center due to start imminently, this is in the interim - the order we had prior was for contact in the community but it was really unsafe and when we went back to court they said the judge that made that order undermined PD12J.
I do have a Solicitor but she's homeschooling and very busy at the moment so don't often get a chance to talk to her on the phone, she is very good though!
Yes I do have an IDVA, I've had the Domestic Abuse specialist team from the local police station come to my house several times also as well. I am just terrified of him, I really am.

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lovemenomore · 22/01/2021 16:52

@Pebbledashery

Hi all, thanks for this. He will be having supervised contact in a contact center due to start imminently, this is in the interim - the order we had prior was for contact in the community but it was really unsafe and when we went back to court they said the judge that made that order undermined PD12J. I do have a Solicitor but she's homeschooling and very busy at the moment so don't often get a chance to talk to her on the phone, she is very good though! Yes I do have an IDVA, I've had the Domestic Abuse specialist team from the local police station come to my house several times also as well. I am just terrified of him, I really am.
I know that feeling.

But you're STRONG you're going through a process that isn't easy but you're doing it for your child and that's amazing!

Ask for as much support as you can, it's out there xx

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/01/2021 16:55

@lovemenomore thank you. I pm'd you also x

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FraggleShingleBellRock · 22/01/2021 17:06

I remember you previous posts about this absolute scum bag of a man. I really hope that this turns out in your favour and he only gets indirect contact like letters and birthday cards via your solicitor.

If you have any proof that he has said you can't hide etc then I would heavily focus on that and the violence. Be sure to say that you support indirect contact but are terrified that he may discover your address. So any contact needs to be incredibly mindful of that and if it's at a contact centre, he can't leave until 15 minutes after your daughter etc. You have all the proof that he is a violent monster.

Did he send cards for your child's birthday? Any more news on him running out of money etc? Are you getting legal aid ( can't remember) ?

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/01/2021 19:29

@FraggleShingleBellRock that's it, he isn't even a man - he's subhuman level.
I really hope so too :( the thought of him being in our lives forever just makes me feel so ill.
Yes, I have emails from him - to be honest, the amount of evidence I have paints a very good picture of him.
The court order states he has to leave 30 minutes between us, before and after contact.
He never sent any birthday cards or xmas cards..
Yes I have legal aid.. his Counsel asked for costs to be reversed to be in the event he is fully exonerated at the fact finding hearing.. I actually think he is expecting to be!

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Skeptadad · 23/01/2021 09:35

I have a fact finding next week (although mine is different as all the allegations are against me). I am worried about it and how they will get to the truth.

If it helps I can let you know how it went and answer any questions you might have?

I have tried to find information about it on YouTube etc but there isn’t much specifically about the process or what will happen.

I don’t know what it will be like to have vile things said about me in such a formal setting. Also, I would really rather not have to see my ex but I don’t know how that works as it’s going to be video conferencing.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 23/01/2021 19:34

@skeptadad oh dear.. So presumably your ex is saying you were abusive towards her? How many days is your fact finding listed over? Thank you, yes please let me know what to expect.

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Skeptadad · 28/01/2021 08:40

It was 1 day. It has been dropped, it was evident to everyone that the claims were malicious.

I have always tried to be completely honest so people know who is genuine and that looks like it's you Pebbledashery so I am sure you will be fine :)

Good luck, having an abusive ex is horrible.

Skeptadad · 28/01/2021 08:46

In my own case, and judging by mine has played out, I would infer it is the case in the majority, the longer the case goes on the more obvious it is who the abusive/lying party is. I can evidence all of it now in black and white so finally feel vindicated.

As Warren Buffet said:
"Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked."

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 28/01/2021 11:29

Ah that's good news - you must feel so relieved :)
The thing what I am worried about is basically there is a non-molestation order in place, my ex has previous convictions for harassing and abusing ex partners, there was social services intervention that removed us from the county we lived in because the abuse was so bad, there was upwards of 20 police incidents all detailed in our police disclosure... so is it necessary to have fact finding??????????? are these not all facts???

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Skeptadad · 28/01/2021 12:58

Yes, you would have thought so wouldn't you! It seems very obvious that he is a highly abusive and violent man.

I suppose the way I would view it in my mind would be to think that this is the process whereby the court accepts there has been domestic violence - they have "found" that to be the case. So they can now use these findings to consider how this will affect child arrangements.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 28/01/2021 15:22

Any tips on how to get through it!
Did your ex admit that she was making up the allegations and the hearing got cancelled?
How far are you into proceedings?

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