Verbal agreement to contribute to holiday

[emkana]

When my daughter was with her boyfriend we said he could come on holiday with us. He verbally agreed to contribute a percentage of the cost, and the full amount in case of separation.
He has now split up with her but is not willing to pay. Is there any legal
obligation on him?

what does his parents salary have to do with you or this situation?

Your mistake not to get the money upfront. You're the adults here, you should have foreseen this happening. Sorry.

Say your pay was £3000, would you not agree to pay £120 to do the honourable thing? This is the equivalent

But when this happened his mother specifically instructed me to leave him alone and to deal with her only.

His parents are so well off that £1400 is just 4 % of their monthly take home pay. that's nice but you have no agreement with them and he has no right to promise on their behalf. what is his independent income? (pocket money/allowance doesn't count as parents can veto unreasonable spending from that)

So why are you now demanding £1400?

The OP quite clearly states the agreement was that he would be liable for the full amount if they split up.

He’s 19. It is nothing to do with his mother.

You are clearly angry with him and want to punish him for the way he treated your daughter. This won’t end well.

Yes that's what we agreed as a contribution - £150 towards the flight, £850 towards holiday

That’s £1000 not £1400.

If it's strictly just between him and us the mother should not have got involved.
Why won't it end well?

One more time:
£1000 if he came and all was well.
1600 if he split up with her - 200 flight, 1400 holiday.
They've agreed to pay flight but not holiday. Therefore 1400

It’s just such an odd conversation.

If you dump our dd you have to give us more money.

So you were partially funding his trip because he was with your daughter? Why?

Why did you think a 19 year old would happily cough up £1400 if he split up with your DD? Why didn't you get the money before booking?

Yes, morally he should pay, but in reality you shouldn't have booked without the money. Your mistake.

If they have so much money, why did you book it without him paying his share in advance? I'm not blaming you and definitely think he should pay, but just wondering why you didn't ask for money in advance.

emkana will him not paying mean you can’t go?

Say your pay was £3000, would you not agree to pay £120 to do the honourable thing?

Depends if I thought it was the honourable thing tbh. His mother may not believe that he agreed to pay. Even if she did, there is something to be said for letting you adult DC pay their own way - and certainly I don't think parents should pay the debts of adult DC.

I can't get my head around anyone being so crazy as to take a teenager's word for it that in the event they split up with their girlfriend they will hand over £1600 with no holiday recieved in exchange just money down the pan. it's such an unreasonable thing to agree in either direction.

the £200 that they have agreed to refund is the maximum reasonable amount a teenager could be reasonably expected to commit to, so the remaining £1,400 of your loss is down to your own unreasonableness.

No we can still go.
If you feel your children should handle their own financial affairs then don't take over when they are in difficulty. She told me to leave him alone - clearly just so she could be the one to fend it off.

he made a verbal financial agreement.

Or ... you made a verbal agreement with him and did nothing to follow up in writing.

I'm with the PP who suggested you chalk this one up to experience.

Showing your DD that if someone doesn't want to be in her life, they have forfeited any chance to be around is a much better role model than relying on dodgy ground to chase him for money.

In my book, the honourable thing for you to do is to stop contact with him. Bit tawdry to chase an ex boyfriend of 19 years for money, even if you know his parents are comfortably off

I think you’d have a hard time because you are choosing to lose the money. You could take someone else but have admitted you’d rather not due to your son. Fair enough but that’s a choice. And if you make this young man pay - even via court - it would be his choice to give or resell his spot to anyone.

So you want to holiday with a random stranger?

I think you have an obligation to mitigate any losses, so finding someone else to take his place, asking what the refund policy is for flights and hotel etc. I imagine this would be their defence which seems reasonable to me.

There is always a risk when you are dealing with teen relationships a d most are not longterm and I whilst I understand the emotion you have for your daughter his parents will feel equally protective. His dumping sounds awkward rather than malicious as I assume you knew him well enough and thought he was a good fit for your daughter to take on a family holiday.

I think in these circumstances I would look to transfer the booking and move on.

It is a lesson, never offer something that you can't afford and never take on a commitment for someone else, unless they have skin in the game.

OP, you asked whether I would had over £120 for the sake of "doing the honourable thing" and I explained it depends on the situation.

In this case,

• if he admitted that's what he'd agreed to I'd tell him to pay up, help him sort a budget so he could pay in instalments if necessary, but other than that I'd keep out of it (and certainly not pay it myself).
• if I believed he'd never agreed to it I'd step in if I felt you were harassing him.

Hang on he dumps my dd via text and fails to honour an agreement but I'm tawdry?

I could not take someone else
The booking is not transferable

Ok, so let’s pretend you take him to court. You will be asked..

How did you know he has the money to pay you?

Did he give you any indication he had the funds himself?

Does he have a steady income that made you assume?

Did you assume the money would come from his parents on his say-so?

Did you verify this with one of his parents and did they verbally agree to pay?

You can see that if he’s got no job and his parents say they knew nothing about this - the most reasonable assumption is to believe his claim that you were paying for it. Not your claim that he agreed to pay for it.