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Original poster

Social Services

26 replies

Laurenhunterx · 30/03/2019 22:07

Please no judging

2 years ago I had my 4 year old removed from my care and placed with my mum due to mental health issues after the death of my newborn. It was a long fight but in the end I gave up and let her stay with my mum (most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever made) I still have weekly contact, she’s currently on a care order and in the process of an SGO. However I’ve just given birth to a premature baby. I’ve not informed social 😔 I told the hospital my eldest is in my care...I’ve gone the whole pregnancy and no one has found out, hospital do not know social are involved, however today I received a letter with an appointment from the Heath visitor and I’m panicking! I do not want social to find out about my newborn daughter, but will the health visitor realise my eldest isn’t with me? My mum lives in my are, I’m petrified it’s going to be the same Health visitor as my eldest has and she’ll know, how do I get around this 😭 I can’t lose my baby girl too 😭😭

OP posts:
1sttimeDD · 30/03/2019 22:13

Personally, I think you need to be transparent and completely forthcoming with children's social care. Surely hiding things from them will reflect negatively? They are there to do right by the child, advocating for them when they are unable.

PatriciaHolm · 30/03/2019 22:51

So presumably your mother hasn't mentioned your pregnancy to anyone she has official contact with? I find that impossible to believe.

You can't hid the existence of a child. Aside from everything else, at some point your DD is going to tell people.Things are likely to be worse the longer you leave it.

JaneEyre07 · 30/03/2019 22:52

Hiding things is going to land you in the shit.

And it doesn't exactly make you look co-operative.

MrsJDornan · 30/03/2019 23:03

It's better to be open with social services, if you try to hide the baby's existence then they will wonder what else you are hiding, they will see how you are coping now

LovingLola · 30/03/2019 23:09

Does your mother know that you have had a baby ?

NWQM · 30/03/2019 23:14

Totally appreciate that this is a stressful time for. Congratulations though on the new baby.

Can you clarify what you mean when you say that you told the hospital that your eldest was in care but they don't know about social service involvement?

why1stheRumgon3 · 30/03/2019 23:19

I can relate to your situation. I had a breakdown after my daughter died my partner committed suicide and I lost my house. My son was removed from my care which haunts me everyday.

I was terrified and wasn't honest about what was happening so no one could help me.

I now have a beautiful 8month old baby and contact with my son. I was so scared to tell the HCP and social work but new if I wanted to keep my child I had to show them I was better and work with them. Because of this i was able to prove myself and social work discharged us when dd was 3months. I know you must be a nervous wreck but please be transparent from now on. Congratulations on your baby.

why1stheRumgon3 · 30/03/2019 23:21

NWQM she told them her eldest was in her care.

Ted27 · 30/03/2019 23:21

I'm sorry that you are in this situation, I hope your baby is ok.

Its not a given that social services will remove the baby, they will look at how your life is now. ll

But you know you can't hide a baby don't you. What happens when you go to see your other child? Are you going going to keep this secret from your mum, not tell your elder child about their new sister?
The risk you run is that someone who knows about your elder child sees you with your new baby and takes it upon themselves to call social services.
When your older child went to your mum, did social services actually say anything about future children? It may be that you don't have to infornm them but you need to find out. Why don't you speak to your HV first.
The longer you leave it, the worse it will be. I hope you can work things out

NWQM · 30/03/2019 23:25

@why1stheRumgon3 yes, but also that the hospital don't know that social services are involved which doesn't quite make sense.

why1stheRumgon3 · 30/03/2019 23:30

Yes I am wondering about that too.

Ginger1982 · 30/03/2019 23:36

If she told the hospital, 'yes I have an older child living at home with me' then why would she tell them social services were involved? It would be a non issue.

NWQM · 30/03/2019 23:40

Yes, sorry I'd it that hospital knew the elder child was 'in' care.

darkriver19886 · 30/03/2019 23:41

Your going to have to come clean OP. You need to be showing that you can do right by your new baby.

why1stheRumgon3 · 30/03/2019 23:42

OP have you received help for your mental health issues?

NWQM · 30/03/2019 23:44

I'd read it even! Sorry think I need to go to bed.

OP as others have said you need to attend the health visitor appointments. They should know your history and if you don't attend appointment should flag it to social services.

You are in a different 'place' now. Try not to let your fear of what could happen make you act in a way that actually makes it more likely. Be open and transparent.

MooFeatures · 31/03/2019 09:15

If the hospital know, SS will should have been informed.

titchy · 31/03/2019 11:05

You will get found out and it will look so much worse than if you come clean now. If you're open and honest now you just might be able to keep your baby, assuming of course you have sought help for your MH and it's working.

sar302 · 31/03/2019 11:18

Unfortunately although health, education and social care services should be joined up, it doesn't always work that way. I remember being asked about any social services involvement as standard at my booking appointment - I said "no", she ticked the "no" box. I doubt there was any further investigation. I also worked for a local authority for 4 years, so I know from a professional stand point that it doesn't always work like that as well.

You need to be honest with the services you and your family are involved with. It sounds like your child was removed under a very specific, traumatic, one off circumstance. If your mental health is better and your life is currently stable, it is very unlikely that any further children would be removed from you. However, services may want to be involved to support you if necessary.

Lies raise massive red flags. Don't do it.

Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 20:55

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

lovesagobletofwine · 31/03/2019 20:58

hv will have access to previous records so i'm guessing they will probably know.

redstapler · 31/03/2019 21:14

Your previous CP history will be on your GP notes and they'll let social services know - really best to be open, if things have changed they'll see this.

littlemissella · 31/03/2019 21:15

Ok so you should have been transparent but it's what you do from this moment on which is of upmost importance. Be proactive now and it will be fine

Chocolate50 · 12/04/2019 23:05

The SS should take only your current situation into account. You are in a different situation now. They can't just remove your child or even interfere with your family life without good reason. And they have to have the threshold met for 'significant harm' - they can't be prejudiced by your past so don't worry about things. Enjoy your baby x

Nicknacky · 13/04/2019 10:11

Chocolate I know you mean well but you are wrong. She had a child removed only two years ago, of course her “past” is relevant now. But that doesn’t mean her child will be removed, of course.