Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Can social services split a 15 year old and newborn sibling up?

118 replies

kbxx · 21/08/2018 19:24

Can social services split a 15 year old and newborn sibling up?
My partner is trying to get his 15 year old son to live with us through social services, he used to live with his mum but now living with his grandparents at the moment.
I'm pregnant with a little boy, social services have told me to leave my partner before the baby is born or they will take my little boy.
If my partner does manage to get his 15 year old, would there be more chance of keeping our family together? me, my partner, his son and our newborn.

OP posts:
Makeupaddikt · 21/08/2018 20:41

Yes they will split up a 15 year old and a newborn. I work with vulnerable children and social services. Don’t think for one moment they won’t.

There is obviously a lot you are not telling us so everyone is going to think your partner is violent or a danger to the child.

Leave him. You ALWAYS put your children first.

SemperIdem · 21/08/2018 20:41

You need to leave him. You really do.

anniehm · 21/08/2018 20:43

You must have been told more information, it seems like social services do not believe your partner is a suitable parent, I'm guessing that's why the 15 year old was placed at his grandparents. Speak to them - you are entitled to know if there's abuse etc. Take care

JacNaylor · 21/08/2018 20:43

They haven't advised you to leave your Dp for fun and games have they? There will be a very pressing reason that they've said that. Stop trying to be clever, leave the 15 year old out of it and cooperate with SS. This is the way you will get to be a mum to your little boy.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/08/2018 20:43

If your partner were a fit parent, his 15 year old would have come to live with him when he left his mother's home. But instead he is living with his grandparents.

Since you apparently aren't going to enlighten us as to why SS has told you to leave this man, we are left to draw our own inferences which is that he represents a danger to his son, to you, and to your unborn baby.

You need to get out. Can you go home to your parents?

Churrolicious · 21/08/2018 20:44

I think I remember your previous thread. Why haven’t you left? What is changing your mind?

StringandGlitter · 21/08/2018 20:44

If they take this one and you don’t change anything, they’ll take the next one, and the next one and the one after that. Probably at a few days old. You’ll not see your children grow up?

Is that really what you want from your life?

lizzybennett1926 · 21/08/2018 20:48

Of course they will separate half siblings if they are prepared to remove your son from you. It won't even be a factor. From what you've written you have no chance except to do exactly as SS want if you want to keep custody of your baby.
Please please leave now.
Have you somewhere to go? If not women's aid can advise you.
SS will support you if they see you making real changes and protecting your baby,

WhaleofaThyme · 21/08/2018 20:49

They won't separate half siblings; there will be no need.

The 15 year old will never be returned to your partner, and your baby will be removed unless you leave your partner.

BigBlueBubble · 21/08/2018 20:53

social services have told me to leave my partner before the baby is born or they will take my little boy.
They’ve told you what will happen. Believe them. Having other people living in the house won’t make any difference.

PurpleMac · 21/08/2018 20:55

OP you are only three years older than your partners older child. There is a very good reason social services are telling you that you need to leave him.

Allthatsnot · 21/08/2018 20:56

You need to leave as soon as possible. The fact you haven't already left will speak volumes to SS particularly if he is violent to you and you are pregnant.
A 15 year old can to a certain degree self protect which may be why your partner was allowed to stay in the house with his son and parents.
A newborn is 100% reliant on others and one mistake/loss of temper could kill them.
You would only have been told this in the most serious of cases, who do you care about more, your partner or your unborn child. This is your choice to make but if you don't make it soon someone else will make it for you.

Sandstormbrewing · 21/08/2018 20:57

Yes they can, and they will.

What I find worrying is that you don't seem to recognise why they want you to leave him. It's highly unlike;y they will allow his 15yo son to live with him if they are saying you need to leave him.

Why are you being advised to leave him.

You have a choice - your partner or your baby.

By leave him, they do NOT mean live separately. They mean cease all physical contact with him. Do not see him, do not remain in a relationship with him, do not meet him in Asda carpark. No contact. Keep the child away from him.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 21/08/2018 20:58

SS will help you if you let them. Ask for help in arranging the practical things you need, parenting courses, advice, whatever they can give tell them you want it. And mean it.

The only chance you have of keeping your baby is to engage fully with them and show that you are eager to do what s best for your child. show them that you are the best for him.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 21/08/2018 20:58

Oh and obviously, ditch the boyfriend!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/08/2018 20:59

Please listen to the advice you’ve been given.

If you want to keep your baby with you, you need to leave now. Taking in another child (even if he is only 3 years younger than you) is not a way to outsmart social services. There are no loopholes. SS are trying to keep your baby safe.

SendYouUpInFlames · 21/08/2018 21:02

The last time I heard that saying from SS was when my mum was thinking about staying with my Step-dad after he continuously sexually assaulted me as a child. He was a paedophile. They seriously do not push this on you unless he has some serious offences against him.

You must put YOUR child first.

Leave.

Iwantaunicorn · 21/08/2018 21:02

Why are you looking for loopholes kbxx? I don’t ask that in a goady way, just trying to understand. Are you scared? Do you have nowhere else to go? Maybe if you could post a little bit more the amazing people on MN could help you out?

I have no experience of SS, but I have an irrational fear of them. If they said my dh or my kids, he’d be gone, and I know if it was the other way round, I’d be gone too. I would do anything to keep them out of the care system. I don’t think they throw that sort of threat round for no reason, even in the event it’s a mistake, for the sake of your DS, please play ball with them and leave your dp. If you have nowhere to go, ask for their help or post on here and someone will point you in the right direction.

Are you scared of your dp?

💐 for you.

meadowmeow · 21/08/2018 21:06

any cunt of a parent who'd do this to his child doesn't deserve kids at all.

Do what?

Choccywoccyhooha · 21/08/2018 21:08

Oh my goodness, are you seriously thinking of using his child in an attempt to be able to stay with your partner?! Firstly, it won't work. And secondly you want to risk endangering your own baby and the 15 year old, by even considering finding a way yo make them live with a man who SS are telling you is unfit to live with his child. That is terrifying.
I knew a group of full siblings who were separated from one another because their mother did not act on SS advice to leave their father. The elder three were all placed separately in foster care, whilst the youngest two (heartbreakingly just aged 6 months and 2) were kept together in foster care and happily were adopted together. This was their happy ending, because they got a chance at life and didn't have to live with their abusive father and their mother who cared more for him than keeping them safe.

I hope you choose the right thing to do (you know what it is), but mostly I hope that whatever you choose your baby gets to enjoy a happy life, with or without you.

NewUserNameTime · 21/08/2018 21:12

You have great advice here that your baby needs to be your priority

LeftRightCentre · 21/08/2018 21:23

*any cunt of a parent who'd do this to his child doesn't deserve kids at all.

Do what?*

Try to get his 15-year-old son from a stable placement with his grandparents so his girlfriend can keep her newborn son. It won't happen and he doesn't deserve kids for thinking to use his older child in a bid to keep his soon to be born baby.

SpiritedLondon · 21/08/2018 21:24

I've worked in child protection with the police and I have never been in a situation where the SS were threatening to remove a child where I have not felt there were good grounds. Typically social services don't want to remove children, they would much rather keep families together and try and resolve the problems with the family. If they have given you this ultimatum they must believe that the most severe threshold of " significant harm" is likely to be met. That might be due to domestic abuse, severe mental illness, severe drug problems or obviously abuse or violence directed towards children. If there are criminal offences involved then the SS are likely to be working in conjunction with the police - as a joint investigation. If they want to remove the child they could ask the police to remove the child using their powers.....this is a power to remove children in an emergency really but will allow the child to be kept safe for 72 hours while the SS seek a longer term court order. Obviously the child is not literally kept by the police but cared for by SS. If concerns are high enough a baby will be removed by police from the delivery room. A police officer can in effect be sat outside during the delivery. I know this sounds horrendous and I'm thankful that I've never had to do it but it has been done and I wouldn't hesitate to do it in order to protect a baby. I'm not telling you this to frighten you but to illustrate the seriousness of the situation and the fact that there is a very clear protocol in place for these situations. I would anticipate there will be a multi agency strategy meeting between the professionals to agree a course of action prior to the labour - it may be that the message you've received from the SW is as a result of such a meeting. I would take it very seriously - the 15 year old will not be coming to live with you.

meadowmeow · 21/08/2018 21:29

Try to get his 15-year-old son from a stable placement with his grandparents so his girlfriend can keep her newborn son. It won't happen and he doesn't deserve kids for thinking to use his older child in a bid to keep his soon to be born baby.

Ah sorry, I misread and assumed you knew why SS were threatening to remove the child.

LeftRightCentre · 21/08/2018 21:29

I have a mate who adopted a child from foster care who was removed at birth. Her older siblings had previously been removed and were adopted separately. It does happen. And make no mistake, if you get back with your boyfriend after the child is removed it makes the likelihood of permanent removal and adoption, even several years down the line, more likely. They don't take this step likely. If they have told you this it is for very good reason and as pointed out, they will be working with other agencies such as the police. You must leave your partner. There's no way round it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.