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Original poster

Can social services split a 15 year old and newborn sibling up?

118 replies

kbxx · 21/08/2018 19:24

Can social services split a 15 year old and newborn sibling up?
My partner is trying to get his 15 year old son to live with us through social services, he used to live with his mum but now living with his grandparents at the moment.
I'm pregnant with a little boy, social services have told me to leave my partner before the baby is born or they will take my little boy.
If my partner does manage to get his 15 year old, would there be more chance of keeping our family together? me, my partner, his son and our newborn.

OP posts:
Eminybob · 21/08/2018 19:47

Why would social services let his 15 year old daughter live with him, by won’t let your newborn live with him?

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2018 19:48

You are very young, living with a much older man and pregnant.
Do you have family support?

Eminybob · 21/08/2018 19:48

Son sorry, not daughter.

tattychicken · 21/08/2018 19:49

SS know your partner poses a risk to your unborn baby. You absolutely must leave him and not engage with him or your baby will be removed from you. SS don't say things like that lightly, listen to what they are telling you.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 21/08/2018 19:49

SS will be more concerned with the newborn's safety and wellbeing than whether or not newborn lives with a 15 year old half sibling. A newborn won't be aware of a 15 year old for months anyway.

Why do SS think your partner is a risk to the baby?

They may still allow 15 year old depending what the concern is, as the risks may be different depending on their age.

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/08/2018 19:50

It sounds as though the 15yo has been through enough.Sad Leave him out of this, it will do him no good to disrupt him and give him false hope in order to play a stupid game with SS that you are going to lose. If they have said they will take your baby if you stay with the father, that is what they will do. This 15yo boy cannot prevent it from happening and it is quite sick of the adults in his life to even try.Angry

HarshingMyMellow · 21/08/2018 19:50

@kbxx SS would not advise you to leave unless there was a very good reason (such as your partner being violent/dangerous)

There's lots you aren't saying here which is fine.

However, if SS think he cannot be trusted around a newborn the likelihood of him getting his 15yo is slim to none.
They will follow through with what they have told you unless you do as they have asked.

There has to be a reason for this OP.

NerrSnerr · 21/08/2018 19:51

Why do social services want you to leave? Has there been some domestic abuse.

Please please put your baby first. Your baby boy is the most important person here. If your partner had ever been violent or intimidating towards you imagine him doing it to your baby?

Coolaschmoola · 21/08/2018 19:52

The ONLY way to keep your baby is to leave your partner. End of story.

NerrSnerr · 21/08/2018 19:52

I also agree. Let the 15 year old stay with his grandparents. He can't keep moving towards parents/ grandparents.

Quartz2208 · 21/08/2018 19:53

OP there is alot missing in your story

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 21/08/2018 19:55

A 15 year old and a newborn he has never lived with? Yeah, Of course they can split them up.

Sounds like no-one should be living with your partner. Why have SS said you have to leave?

IdahoJones · 21/08/2018 19:56

Yes, they can and they will, if they must.

Prettysureitsnotok · 21/08/2018 19:57

It really doesn’t matter why SS wants him to leave. They want him to, so there’s a reason.

OP I’m sorry but you know what needs to happen. You have no hope of “keeping” your family together if he stays now. Encourage him to go and focus on sorting his shit out and being a good father to both kids. You probably can sort this out in time, you just don’t have time on your side before baby arrives.

NapQueen · 21/08/2018 19:58

Eh? This makes no sense.

McTufty · 21/08/2018 19:58

OP I worked as a family lawyer for many years. Disclaimer that I don’t know your full situation etc but the risky father scenario is one I came across so very often.

Firstly, yes they can split up your newborn from their 15 year old sibling. All things being equal they would keep siblings together but they will not do so if it poses a risk to one of the children (this is assuming your partner even gets his 15 year old living with him).

Secondly, you need to leave your partner and you need to do it now. For the time being it doesn’t matter if social services are right or wrong in asking you to do so. Even if they are wrong to do so, the thing to do is leave now so you can keep your child (hopefully) and then reconcile if you manage to persuade them (or a court) he is no risk.

The longer you stay with him, the less chance of you keeping your baby. If you decide last minute to leave him, it may be too little too late as they may not trust that you will remain separated. You need to leave now and prove you can maintain the separation, as it is common for people to leave and then reconcile a week or two later. You need time to prove it is final.

The longer you stay with him the more basis social services have for saying you don’t take their advice, you don’t have insight into the risk he poses to your baby etc

They can’t just remove your child willy-nilly of course - they need a court order and we can’t possibly comment on if they would get it or not as we don’t have the info. But courts do frequently order removal of newborns on the basis of the father posing a risk.

I’m sorry that this sounds bleak as I know this is not easy, but please please don’t jeopardise losing your baby for the sake of a relationship. For a newborn, adoption could well be on the cards if they find you can’t care for the baby. I’m not meaning to scare you but you need to understand the stakes are so so high. Please leave.

HoleyCoMoley · 21/08/2018 19:58

If you have to leave your partner for the baby's safety then why would they allow him to stay just because his son moves in.

Quartz2208 · 21/08/2018 20:00

So they are asking you to leave your partner and you are wondering if having the 15 year old will help your cause

No is the answer it must be pretty bad for SS to ask it

SoyDora · 21/08/2018 20:00

The problem here is that you think you need to split with your partner purely because SS have told you to. You don’t seem to have any insight into why, and the danger he likely poses to you and your unborn son.

meadowmeow · 21/08/2018 20:01

There is a reason SS are threatening to remove your child if you don't leave this man. You know what it is.

RubiksQueen · 21/08/2018 20:01

If you are being told that it's either your baby or your partner, believe them. They will not say 'oh but it's a shame to break up the siblings, let's try a bit harder'.

They may say that a 15yo has different care needs than a newborn and the 15yo can stay but the baby can't.

They may say neither of them can stay but they won't be fostered together.

The bottom line is: If you want to keep your baby you need to leave your partner.

NotTheWayISeeIt · 21/08/2018 20:02

.

TomHardysNextWife · 21/08/2018 20:04

Depends who you want more in your life.... your partner or your baby.

It's that simple.

Racecardriver · 21/08/2018 20:04

Think with your head. If they will split up a newborn and his mother then a 15 year old sibling is going to make zero difference. You have to leave the father if you want to keep your baby. If you live him more than the baby then do the decent thing and put the baby up for adoption and make it a clean break. It's shit but it is what it is, the fifteen year old is irrelevant to the situation. Good luck.

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/08/2018 20:06

It’s a completely unambiguous statement that SS have made, they haven’t taken this lightly at all.

Why are you still there? Are you able to leave? Are you safe?

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