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Original poster

Keeping my son in hospital against my will

434 replies

TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 01:36

My son was born at 34 weeks on the 14th October with a heart condition. For the duration of his life (2 months) we have been in different hospitals. He is now stable enough to go home until his operation but because me and my sons dad had an argument in the hospital social services are involved and they won’t let us take him home. I have another child (a3 year old) who is still in my care and they have no plans to take her away. I want to know if they can legally keep my son in hospital due to safeguarding issues If my daughter is still in my care? Can I legally self discharge him if he is well enough to go home even though social services are involved? They have no reason to take my children from me as all it was was an argument, hence why my daughter is still in my care. But they are refusing to discharge my son until the case is resolved. Can they legally do this? What rights do I have? I feel if there are real safeguarding issues and my son can not be in my care then surely my daughter can’t either? Any advice would be much appreciated. This is incredibly stressful and I just want my son home for Christmas

OP posts:
Gerbil17 · 16/12/2017 14:01

If i was you i would hounding the shit out of SS and demanding to speak to the manager.
If what you are saying is true then it is appaling.

There should no little to no evidence at all to suggest SS are right to prevent you from taking baby home. If it is all just a case that this SW doesnt think it right for couples to argue, that is.
That is stupidity and i really cant see how or why a SW would be able to hold so much power if that is her one and only issue. Surely when she has these meetings about her cases, it would be pointed out.

It just doesnt make sense

Gerbil17 · 16/12/2017 14:01

There should be little to no evidence is what i meant

PersianCatLady · 16/12/2017 14:05

If these family members can't come to the hospital due to their commitments, are you planning on visiting them with the baby if he is discharged?

TBH that would worry me too.

Even if he is discharged I would have thought that you shouldn't travel too far from the hospital in case he is ill and needs their help.

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:06

The only other thing they have said is that there have been days we havnt been to the hospital and they would expect at least one parent to be in the hospital 24 hours a day. This just isn’t possible with work commitments and having another child. I am at the hospital nearly every day for the whole day, there have been days I cannot go there due to not having many people offering help looking after my daughter. He is in a room on his own, not a ward. I stay there most nights and spend most days there. I am doing everything I can to work with them and to make them happy to discharge him but it just seems like they are putting obstacles in place to keep us from taking him home and the whole situation is very upsetting

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 16/12/2017 14:06

How bad was the argument for the hospital to get to the point of involving SS I’m guessing it much have been awful as they will be used to stressed people arguing.
I’m sorry it’s making things hard for you and I hope your DS is ok

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:08

Yes we are planning to visit them and have been told that is not a problem if he is discharged. He is stable and doing well, he has already had 2 operations to make him stable enough to go home so they can let him grow before the big operation

OP posts:
Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:08

These are supposedly the only reasons they have to keep him there. This is why I can’t understand it. We have tried to speak to someone higher than her but so far we’ve had no luck, this is why I am now speaking to solicitors

OP posts:
Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:10

They never even witnessed an argument, just what I have told them about it. There was no Violence, but it did get a bit heated, all I did was ask them for more support as we are struggling emotionally and this is where it got me

OP posts:
Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:10

The social worker is only worried about arguments. They have no other concerns

OP posts:
Gerbil17 · 16/12/2017 14:12

Even with concerns over arguements it seems very over the top in how the SW has reacted.

PersianCatLady · 16/12/2017 14:13

I don't know the details of your situation but I would not take a child who had just been discharged from hospital and due to have another operation miles away from the hospital at this time.

If the relatives want to see him that badly then they should come to him.

PersianCatLady · 16/12/2017 14:14

Again, I don't believe this is just about arguments. There is more going on here that maybe the SW hasn't made clear to the OP.

Kardashianlove · 16/12/2017 14:16

they would expect at least one parent to be in the hospital 24 hours a day.
This may be a bigger concern than the arguments. If you took your 3 year old DD into hospital would you or her dad stay with her all day/night? You probably would, you wouldn’t leave her on her own and be there ‘most’ days.
I know it’s really hard with a baby in hospital, especially when you have older DC but if you have the option for one of you to be there with him 24hours a day I can’t imagine not doing this.

So far, the concerns are
-the arguments
-not being at the hospital every day

Anything else? It may help if you can list any other concerns no matter how minor/irrelevant you feel they are.

Gerbil17 · 16/12/2017 14:18

At the hospital -how involved are you with your child?

You say they have made comments about how sometimes there isnt someone there to be with your lo and they think someome should be 24/7.

On top of that you want to take your lo home so you can let your friends and family meet him, because their lifestyle trumps that of your childs illness.

To add to this you are seeking support due to stress and arguements which you confided in a nurse about.

Just trying to view from other perspectivss here.
Could they think there is no bond between you and lo?
Could they be detecting post natal depression?

Gerbil17 · 16/12/2017 14:19

So sorry if that sounded harsh. Im typing up angles they may be looking at it from - not what i am thinking

meandthem · 16/12/2017 14:22

Hi OP, If a social worker said to you words to the effect of "couples who love each other don't argue" then I think you need to contact their team manager and share this piece of information, and ask them to document that this is what you were told. (Keep your own accurate record of conversations with dates, times etc also) Don't get into an argument about it, just state what you heard and ask for the position regarding your baby son to be clarified.
There seems to be an ongoing lack of clarity around why your son is not being discharged. If you are not clear about the basis on which he is being kept in hospital, you cannot begin to address the issue effectively.
You have had some good advice on this forum but you must get a handle on what processes are in motion and work with social services. I do have concerns about a social worker who would really be naïve enough to make that sort of comment though...

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:24

When I am there (which is 99% of the time) I am the sole person looking after him. All his feeds, nappy changes, everything he needs. I am there as much as I can be. There has been 2 days since he was born I havnt been able to get to the hospital. It is an hour away from me. Also, at first he was in London and as you can imagine that was very difficult to get there as that is 3 hours by train from my home. I have been there as much as I can, spending 2 days away in 2 months I think is very reasonable. I’ve actually have many problems with my daughters dad and other family members with trying to get her looked after so I can stay at the hospital, but I have done it. I have co-operated with them no end

OP posts:
Battleax · 16/12/2017 14:26

Look. All systems are fallible. All professions have nervous newbies and the occasional zealots.

Equally, the general public don't want to believe that mistakes are ever made (and it's true that neglectful parents minimise.)

If you genuinely believe that you're on the receiving end of a mistake or over zealousness, push back firmly and politely with legal help before it runs away with itself. Don't spend time here getting sucked into the "is social work infallible?" debate.

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:27

Unfortunately it is impossible for me to be there 24 hours away. My sons dad lives an hour and a half away from ne aswell and works far away from here so it is very difficult for him to be here that much. I don’t see how I can be there 24 hours a day if I have a 3 year old to look after who is at school 3 hours a day in the mornings. I suggested to them that she could stay with me in the gospiral but that would mean her not to going t nursery anymore and they said they don’t think that’s w good idea and had her best interests at heart which I agree with which is why I am trying to find ways around it. Unfortunately that means I can’t be there 24 hours a day

OP posts:
QueenAravisOfArchenland · 16/12/2017 14:29

I'm wary of this story largely because it seems to depend on multiple independent parties (nurses AND social workers) massively overreacting and being unreasonable.

What are the odds of that?

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:33

The nurses in this hospital are actually on our aide, it was the nurses in London that made this complaint to social services. We have since been discharged to our local hospital until this matter is resolved. They are in agreement with us that this is wrong and he should be discharged.

OP posts:
ivenoideawhatimdoing · 16/12/2017 14:34

OP, get a solicitor - today.

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 14:34

It is literally 1 nurse and the social worker that have made this situation happen. The other nurses believe he should be discharged and have actually apologised to us that this is happening as they don’t think it’s fair and don’t understand it’s either

OP posts:
curryforbreakfast · 16/12/2017 14:34

Look. All systems are fallible. All professions have nervous newbies and the occasional zealots

Which is why there is supervision and review and teamwork. Individual social workers do not decide alone what happens to any child, and hospitals do not keep babies in nicu's etc when they don't need to be there on the say so of a single social worker.

I have had countless dealings with parents involved with SS and invariably they will tell you that its the social workers being unreasonable, that there is no need for intervention, that they can't understand why the SW is picking on them, etc etc. And every single time there is a lot more to it and there is a good reason for the involvement.

There is no way at all that a child is being kept in hospital unnecessarily because its parents told a nurse they had an argument. Not a chance.

iboughtsnowboots · 16/12/2017 14:35

Glad you have legal advice now. Social care will not be able to keep your baby in hospital against your wishes if he is medically fit to be discharged. However if they are asking the baby to stay in hospital due to safeguarding concerns this would suggest they may be considering further legal measures. Working with them is likely to lead to a smoother outcome for you.

You need to have a minuted meeting with social care and health staff about what happens next and what you need to do to allay social care concerns.