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Original poster

Keeping my son in hospital against my will

434 replies

TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 01:36

My son was born at 34 weeks on the 14th October with a heart condition. For the duration of his life (2 months) we have been in different hospitals. He is now stable enough to go home until his operation but because me and my sons dad had an argument in the hospital social services are involved and they won’t let us take him home. I have another child (a3 year old) who is still in my care and they have no plans to take her away. I want to know if they can legally keep my son in hospital due to safeguarding issues If my daughter is still in my care? Can I legally self discharge him if he is well enough to go home even though social services are involved? They have no reason to take my children from me as all it was was an argument, hence why my daughter is still in my care. But they are refusing to discharge my son until the case is resolved. Can they legally do this? What rights do I have? I feel if there are real safeguarding issues and my son can not be in my care then surely my daughter can’t either? Any advice would be much appreciated. This is incredibly stressful and I just want my son home for Christmas

OP posts:
Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 10:58

They have said their concerns are that we have argued in the hospital and that our son would possibly witness arguments if he were to come home. We don’t actually love together so that wouldn’t be the case and it’s the situation with ha I g our son in hospital that is causing arguments. Does no one have any compassion or understanding anymore. This is the most difficult time of my life I just want my son home

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 16/12/2017 10:59

Weird. My son was in hospital for months and when I said we were struggling, I was given time with the counsellor. Nothing like social services. You don't have to be transparent on here but I think you may need to consider that your behaviour and situation has raised red flags for a reason.

I am very sorry that your baby is unwell and wish you all the luck. A very emotional time for you.

Viviennemary · 16/12/2017 10:59

I agree that this is a bit strange. It was a stressful time for you and so you had an argument. You've been put in a difficult situation. You could try and make an appointment with your GP and if he/she knows you are responsible caring parents they may be able to give you some support. Because these people in the hospital don't know you at all.

Don't think I'd go down the legal route as yet. But you could do with clarification from the hospital as to whether they are just advising you not to take the baby home or are telling you that you can't. Hope things work out.

Viviennemary · 16/12/2017 11:01

Sorry didn't see your updates.

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 11:01

We love each other very much and usually have no issues but This is a difficult time in our lives and it’s going to cause more stress and arguments. I don’t think keeping our son in hospital is helping matters at all it’s just making things worse. The social worker also said to me that couples shouldn’t argue. I said to her that all couples argue whether they are big, small arguments. She said if we loved each other we wouldn’t argue. I think that’s an y fair statement and I feel she is going off of her own experience and not real life

OP posts:
SpecialAgentDaleCooper · 16/12/2017 11:04

I'm not sure what has gone on but all I would say is that if they are saying you can't take him home at the moment/refusing to discharge him then you will not be doing yourself any favours by going against this!

Get legal advice. Don't do anything rash.

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 11:05

They have contacted my gp, my daughters school, my daughters dad, my mum and numerous other people and they have all said that they have no concerns and that I am a good parent. They are still keeping him against our will

OP posts:
teaortequila23 · 16/12/2017 11:07

This is just pure madness. You should speak to the social workers manager and ask why your son is being kept. Having a child in hospital is a very stressful situation and couples argue sometimes.

Original poster
TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 11:09

I think to be honest the social worker doesn’t have any compassion or understanding for the situation. She is concerned our son will witness arguments and in her own words believes that “couples shouldn’t argue if they love each other” they have nothing to really go on. At our discharge meeting there was a safeguarding nurse from the hospital in attendance and she actually caught me outside, when the social worker had gone, and said that she’s so sorry we are going through this and that couples are going to argue in a stressful situation and she is going to do everything she can to offer us more support and get us discharged. This was a few days ago and the social worker is still longing it out as she has her own views on the situation. I think if we were to seek legal advice it would go in our favour. From what information I’m finding they can’t legally keep him in hospital against our will on these grounds.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 16/12/2017 11:09

There must be more to this. I’ve witnessed some major rows on the postnatal ward and we’ve talked to people but not kept babies in.

Unless there’s a court order no they can’t keep him. However if you removed him they can ring the police and ask for baby to be brought back immediately pending a court order which the police will do. They’ll then get a court order and SS will not be impressed that you haven’t cooperated.

Get a solicitor but work with SS no matter how crazy it seems.

TittyGolightly · 16/12/2017 11:09

I just don’t understand how they can keep a child from a loving home at Christmas due to asking for more support, or doesn’t seem fair or right to me

WTF does Xmas have to do with it?!

BertrandRussell · 16/12/2017 11:13

Be very careful, people. There is more to this than meets the eye. OP-you need a solicitor.

Gerbil17 · 16/12/2017 11:16

You were told to ask for support if needed. You claimed stress was getting to you and could very well use the support they have been offering.
They have put support in place by contacting CS.

I can only assume the way the nurse has asked for this support from CS has been dodgy, rather than honestly.
Could it have been when you spoke to her in confidence, you did so in a way that could make her question DV?

As unfair and as stressful as it all is, i can only stress the importance of working with CS. Maybe keep contacting them to speed the process up.

Have you tried contacting the family rights group?

Couples do have arguements and it is clear for all to see that anybody under those circumstances would be feeling stressed.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 16/12/2017 11:17

Bertrand careful of what? Confused This is just an internet forum.

Chrys2017 · 16/12/2017 11:22

I feel that they have no legal right to keep my child in hospital on these grounds and that if my other child is still in my care then shouldn’t my other child be in my care until they find a reason to take them both away?

As Laurie has explained, no, that is not the case so you need to get that idea out of your head. 'Risk' is assessed on a child-by-child basis.

BertrandRussell · 16/12/2017 11:22

Careful of potentially feeding the OP's unrealistic interpretation of events and making things worse for her.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/12/2017 11:25

You actually told ss that having your child in hospital (where presumably he actually needed to be for medical reasons??) was likely to cause even more arguments between you and your partner?
That sounds extremely strange, you know Hmm. They obviously feel it warrants investigation.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 16/12/2017 11:28

This reply has been deleted

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Nicknacky · 16/12/2017 11:30

bert What is it you know that no one else does? Might help if you could say so people could advise appropriately?

Battleax · 16/12/2017 11:31

If your 11.09 post is accurate then the very act of hiring a solicitor could be enough to focus a few minds.

But we can play this "if...", "maybe" game all day and it's all guesswork without full picture and toothless without a lawyer.

Out of interest hwhu have you let this ride so long without consulting anyone?

papersmile · 16/12/2017 11:31

Bertrand - I agree. We have one side of the story and there is a child being discussed that some people (potentially nurses and social services) believe is vulnerable. The wellbeing of the child is the most important issue here.

The ops idea of a 'normal' argument that all couples have, may not be the same as other people's.

Battleax · 16/12/2017 11:32

Bert's just exercising her common sense.

Battleax · 16/12/2017 11:33

That was to nick I'm certainly not joining paper in her innuendo.

Thedietstartsnow · 16/12/2017 11:34

What support did you think you would be getting....in your shoes I would of obviously assumed they mean ss getting involved and who the fuck wants that...what you do now,is co operate 100% with the lovely social worker.ask her advice on what she wants you to do,how she thinks this situation can be resolved,don't give them any reason to doubt you as a mother...and next time your asked if you want help you say no we are just fine thanks.

BertrandRussell · 16/12/2017 11:35

"bert What is it you know that no one else does?"
A basic knowledge of the way social services function. Apparantly.