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Original poster

Keeping my son in hospital against my will

434 replies

TaashenMartian · 16/12/2017 01:36

My son was born at 34 weeks on the 14th October with a heart condition. For the duration of his life (2 months) we have been in different hospitals. He is now stable enough to go home until his operation but because me and my sons dad had an argument in the hospital social services are involved and they won’t let us take him home. I have another child (a3 year old) who is still in my care and they have no plans to take her away. I want to know if they can legally keep my son in hospital due to safeguarding issues If my daughter is still in my care? Can I legally self discharge him if he is well enough to go home even though social services are involved? They have no reason to take my children from me as all it was was an argument, hence why my daughter is still in my care. But they are refusing to discharge my son until the case is resolved. Can they legally do this? What rights do I have? I feel if there are real safeguarding issues and my son can not be in my care then surely my daughter can’t either? Any advice would be much appreciated. This is incredibly stressful and I just want my son home for Christmas

OP posts:
GlitteryStag · 18/12/2017 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

washingupbowl · 19/12/2017 00:05

hope you are ok

PersianCatLady · 19/12/2017 01:39

I don't know why my last post was deleted, I don't consider it to have broken any of the "Talk Guidelines".

Nevermind.

How strange though that someone is bothering to report posts but not make a comment about it on the thread, unless of course it was the OP.

Neiflette · 19/12/2017 02:15

How would someone manage to be on a children's ward with their sick child 24/7 if they have another child, no partner, and no close family/friends who are able to look after the other child? That's an unreasonable expectation.

I understand she has a partner, but many people don't.

Neiflette · 19/12/2017 02:17

((sorry that was a bit unrelated to her OP I'm just trying to work out what they would do if you genuinely could not be at the hospital every second of the day because you don't have people available to stand it for you)).

PersianCatLady · 19/12/2017 02:41

How would someone manage to be on a children's ward with their sick child 24/7 if they have another child, no partner, and no close family/friends who are able to look after the other child? That's an unreasonable expectation
You are right, it is an unreasonable expectation but I think that SW will take things like this into account when making decisions.

The OP's baby is quite away from where the OP lives so if she has only missed two days out of two months then I think that they won't have an issue with that.

I do believe that SW knowing the OP's circumstances would understand that she is doing her best to be at the hospital as much as possible.

That said, it is pretty awful for the OP that she had a DD with one man, who doesn't seem to be helping to look after her at this difficult time.

Her DS's father has used up all of his leave so can't really do any more. I think maybe there is more to that relationship though because earlier in the thread I think I remember the OP saying that they didn't live together and that her DP lived an hour away from her.

There doesn't seem to be much sign of any other family involvement either on the OP's side, her DP's side or from the DD's father.

Except of course for all these relatives that haven't got time in their diaries to come and visit the baby in hospital but who have to meet the baby ASAP.

That is one of the reasons that the baby needs to be discharged so the OP and take him to visit all of these busy relatives.

So in answer to your question, it is an unreasonable expectation nd that is why I don't believe that any hospital expects you to be there 24/7 in the circumstances that the OP is in.

Neiflette · 19/12/2017 09:27

Thanks Persian
I have RTF, and get the impression we don't know everything, but my mind does go into hypothetical mode sometimes, which sometimes detracts from the OPs situation. Sorry OP!

I agree that you would think if these relatives were aware that they could lose this little boy in January, they would make more effort.

I'm actually a bit worried for the OP having two kids (one going through so much so young) when she seems to have no support. Not just for the children, but for her own stability etc.

OP, there is more to this. If I told you my background history and my partner's, you would probably think it was the right thing to do for SS to be involved during my pregnancy. However, despite all of the potential concerns, they could see that I understood and was actively working to overcome them. I was offered voluntary support only, no CIN or CP, no goals to meet.

Are you sure there nothing in your history that has become a concern in the light of present circumstances ?

Killerfairy · 19/12/2017 12:56

Jesus the rose tinted glasses of the middle class MNers who will never experience being on the recieving end of this type of treatment.

SS regularly fuck up because they are human beings. I've known SS to complety screw up, to lie (to cover up there mistakes) to take sides of lying husbands, to take kids away from abused wife and hand the kids to the abusers parents and had full access. I've seen an off the cuff remark said to a GP, start a chain of events that could have ended terribly.

It happens.

They are not the Devine creatures people in here think. Also your automatically dammed on here is SS have reared their head, accused of minimising and lying if your genuinely struggling to comprehend the shit storm that's gathering.

taashen hope your ok and got real legal advice.

Bubbaleo · 19/12/2017 12:59

TaashenMartian, I'm so sorry to read that your baby is ill, needs surgery and hasn't even left hospital yet. I bet dd is fed up too, missing mum and waiting for baby to come home. I don't know how you're managing, I really don't.FlowersFlowersThis is the time you need support not blame or accusations. I believe you because I (and others) have been in very similar situations. Not many people come on MN, because to not be believed makes it even more painful. Just tell yourself that it hasn't happened to them, so they can't understand or believe and they're very fortunate. You CAN take baby home at the moment because you have full PR. However if sw decides to press on (instead of the support to which you are entitled and for which we all pay taxes) this will then get added on in future reports. I'm so sorry and wish you and baby all the luck, and the strength to carry on.

Killerfairy · 19/12/2017 12:59

I agree that you would think if these relatives were aware that they could lose this little boy in January, they would make more effort

Yeah you'd think so but depends on what type of family you have.

I'm actually a bit worried for the OP having two kids (one going through so much so young) when she seems to have no support. Not just for the children, but for her own stability etc

Ah the pearl clutchy sorry for your kids/scared for your kids post

PersianCatLady · 19/12/2017 13:05

Yeah you'd think so but depends on what type of family you have
It does but if they are prepared to come to him then surely he shouldn't have to travel to visit them when he has just been discharged from hospital and is about to go back to hospital to have an operation??

Bubbaleo · 19/12/2017 13:07

Killer Ah, someone else who understands, thank goodness!

Killerfairy · 19/12/2017 13:23

But that's not for you to judge persian - you have no idea what op family life is like.

She came on here to see if there was anyone that could shed a bit of light or support but has been accused of lying amongst other stuff. Sometimes it's genuinely not the case.

Killerfairy · 19/12/2017 13:25

bubbaleo unfortunately yes. My good friend has just left SS because of the regular fuck ups and have indirect experience of them. It's actually very frightening.

ChequeredPasta · 19/12/2017 13:36

Killer - you have no idea what OPs family life is like either. SW are there to protect children from harm. Every year children are killed, raped, neglected and emotionally traumatised.
They aren’t ‘the enemy’, and they certainly don’t get involved for the laugh.
OP came on for support, but there are quite a few red flags with what she’s saying. Why would SS ‘try to turn her and her partner against each other’? It seems like they’ve warned OP that her partner is a risk to her children, and she isn’t accepting this.
Social services could save the lives of those children by intervening.

OurMiracle1106 · 19/12/2017 13:44

It sounds as though you do need more support, and that is best put in place before your son comes home, so whilst medically your son may be well enough to come home they need to ensure that you are in the strongest possible position to look after him.

For them and the medical team this will mean putting into place extra support.
By all means speak to a solicitor but please work with social services.

Bubbaleo · 19/12/2017 13:46

Pasta Sounds to me as if he's working his arse off to keep the family going! Working whilst worried sick about baby. Here Taashen CakeBrew for hard working baby's dad.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 19/12/2017 13:51

I absolutely believe in social workers who make mistakes and who lie.

What I don't believe in is nurses who make urgent referrals to SS because a parent confesses an extended hospital stay is a strain, social workers(!!!!) who say and believe that "couples who love each other don't argue", and parents who are completely bewildered about what concerns are despite multiple meetings on the topic.

ItsNachoCheese · 19/12/2017 13:55

Op i hope you manage to get things sorted soon

Bubbaleo · 19/12/2017 14:38

Queen, I believe it. We received, under the heading of "risk assessment": Parents disagree with Head of school We're allowed to disagree) duh........Parents have made written complaints about SS (said in a meeting where there were lots of leaflets "how to complain") duh.........

ChequeredPasta · 19/12/2017 15:23

Bubba - ‘Duh...’ - what on earth is this?! Did your written complaint include lots of ‘Duh’s’?

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 15:27

Jesus the rose tinted glasses of the middle class MNers who will never experience being on the recieving end of this type of treatment

That's a load of stereotypical bollocks. Most of us saying this stuff is because we are intimately aware of what goes on.

Of course SW make mistakes, and some of them do more than that. But NONE of them are able to go off on their own and do as they like without supervision, and nurses do not call SS in because a parent merely mentions an argument.

Things do not happen as OP as reported, that is the simple fact.

Bubbaleo · 19/12/2017 15:47

Things do sometimes happen as OP has reported, that is the simple fact.

Killerfairy · 19/12/2017 16:00

chequered you have no idea what OPs family life is like either no I don't but innocent until proven guilty and all that eh?? Don't be so quick to think nasty thoughts rather than give the benifit of the doubt.

Yes baby the SS fail lots of babies and children every year - ultimately contributing to their deaths sometimes, that I agree with.

SS are not the enemy??? Hmm jury's still out on that verdict, their practices SS have ballooned in with NO EVIDENCE what so ever. No argument was ever witnessed.

SS and family courts need a massive overhaul. Their practises are wholly unfair and flawed

Neiflette · 19/12/2017 16:09

@Killerfairy

I actually said that I'm more worried about OP not having the support she needs from family.... No pearl-clutching. I've had SS involvement in the past and been through the fear etc.