He is not a deadbeat dad. He paid child maintenance for her even when we were living on benefits - we were living on charity handouts at one point while benefits were sorted but that money went to her regardless. It came out of the child benefit for my children. He had pretty much 50/50 contact until the divorce finalised and then the ex moved within weeks of the final court hearing and contact pretty much stopped.
He has tried repeatedly to get in touch but what else could he do when the phone goes unanswered? When texts and emails are ignored? When going to an activity she goes to is met with accusations of harassment?
His ex admitted to him on Christmas day (over the phone) that she had pretty much dissuaded his DD from seeing her dad because she didn't think that DP had been supportive enough of the ex over her cancer diagnosis. He has no idea what he was supposed to have done, he listened to her crying down the phone about it, he asked how she was (or asked his DD or the partner if it was those he saw) but always got 'fine'. The walls went up around their new family unit and DP was effectively locked out.
He was accused of not knowing DD well enough and getting her the wrong Xmas presents this last year - he had asked her every week for about three months what she would like and she refused to tell him. This was at the activity (he drives down every week because he knows that is the one place he knows he can see her, even if for five minutes - every other avenue to her is blocked). She has only answered the phone to him once in the last year and that was on her birthday to tell him what to buy her. I presume that the shit Xmas presents were enough to make her tell him what she wanted.
He has not been concerned until now because a) her mum was living there and b) there was some sort of communication between him and the ex albeit not exactly regular communication.
I can't believe anyone thinks dragging a woman with cancer through court would have been a good idea. He thought it was in everyone's best interests to leave things as they were and continue to try and talk to his DD and hope that his ex's promise to try and talk to her also would be enough to sort communication.
The partner is now refusing all communication. This is why he is now concerned. He would have been perfectly happy to go and discuss things with this man, who until recently we had got on ok with but the absolute point blank refusal to even talk to him is causing concern.
It seems that Dp should have dragged his terminally ill ex wife through court though (according to some) (we didn't know she was terminally ill as no one told him). Or dragged his DD back up here the day of the funeral? Or just sign PR over to the new guy and walk away?
He isn't happy that another man is raising his daughter. Far from it. If his daughter is happy at her school and with her friends would removing her and dragging her back here help? I don't think so and nor does DP. However, he wants to be kept in touch with, he wants to know what's going on with her life. From what I have gathered from talking to DD myself, she has given up all plans to go to university and now wants to either be an actress or play drums in a band. The band is her back up option in case she doesn't make it as an actress. No one seems concerned about this.
The partner has a brain injury with memory loss, meaning he often forgets where DD is and doesn't remember appointments. This is a concern but DP has spoken to social services and they aren't concerned at the moment.
There is so much more that has gone on, I can't possibly list every phone call, email, text, drive to attempt to see her but he has made so much effort and he is now seriously struggling with knowing what to do.