Sorry for the big long post but I am hoping some people will be willing to read my story 
.
I am currently separating from my wife after 8 years of marriage. We have two children aged 4 and 6. We are both still in the family home. She hasnt worked since having children and I earn about £5k a month. She used to earn around 30k. The house is the only asset (joint mortgage) apart from small pensions, hers is larger. The issue with separation/divorce is what happens in regard to housing? She wants to stay in the family home and have me move out as soon as possible. She has no interest in working and wants to try and survive on benefits and perhaps from fostering but that brings in little. This means she would not be able to afford to take over the mortgage, get one of her own or buy me out. This leaves me stuck on the mortgage and without a deposit unable to get my own mortgage and forced into rental. The issue I have with it we have a 4 bed house in an expensive area. For our children I would argue only a 3 bed is needed and I would also desire to have a 3 bed with a garden so I can provide a home away from home when I have the children. I don't want to take them to a small rented flat. The options are if she doesn't work I am stuck with that situation. But if she did work she would be able to get a mortgage by selling the family home and downsizing to free up the equity (about £200k-250k) for both of us to be able to rehouse. I am happy for her to have the greater share as she will be the main carer so split about 60/40. All I want is around £60k for a deposit. A decent 3 bed in a cheaper area but not too far away would be around £200k-£250k. She would have around £150k or more deposit so can have a smaller mortgage. If we say she can earn £25k she could get about £80k mortgage. She can also have the house contents like furniture etc. and I start again. I think I am being fair. I wish we could keep the home but realistically that means I can't rehouse. My fear is having a 'mesher order' where the court allows her to have the house until the youngest child is 18. That leaves me unable to get my own mortgage or house for 14 years! Anyone been in a similar situation? It really comes down to her working or not working? I feel she is using fostering partly to argue she needs a 4 bed house and benefits to keep her from getting her own mortgage. She argues she doesn't want to work as she wants to be home for the children and moving house will be disruptive to the children. Unfortunately I feel they will be used against me. Both are now in full time school. How will the court look at this if it got to that? It would be easy for them to apply a mesher but would they take into account that I need somewhere to have the children based on she is able to work and look at her 'earning capacity' instead? I wouldn't expect her to be able to earn what she did previously and I am also happy for a period of 'retraining' to get her back into work with me still paying for everything. She seems to be unrealistic that she wants the current standard of living to continue and not work and stand on her own two feet! It seems very wrong that it could very easily end up me walking out the door with nothing but my wardrobe. I would argue she is denying me a good relationship with my children. I want to be involved properly in their lives, take them to school, hang out at home etc. Not just the weekend Dad that takes them on trips. The court will either rule keep them in the house as it would disrupt the children and she can't afford anything else. Otherwise can she be 'forced' back into work as there is no reason she can't and it is now seen as beneficial to the children to have good contact with both parents? I have sought legal advice and my solicitor has advised that what she wants is unfair but hers had advised that the court will just let her stay as she can't afford it? To add of course I will be paying maintenance to her. Just to add to the mix, there is also a chance if I change jobs my salary would likely decrease by at least half and we would be unable to sustain the current high mortgage. Would like to hear of your experiences and thoughts as even the solicitors don't seem so sure!