Divorce, Death, Step-mother and Will (in that order!)

[dungandbother]

Grateful for any input, my brain is so mushed over the situation.

My parents divorced 17 years ago. I'm one of three children. They were middle class wealthy.

My dad remarried fairly quickly as he'd been having an affair. She quickly became pregnant and I have a half brother. His wife (my step-mother) is my age, she is a European national.

I haven't had much of a relationship with my father, I chose NC mostly as he wasn't much good as a father. But I have seen him every year, sometimes once, sometimes a dozen times. He sends birthday cards to my siblings and I and he sends his grandchildren cards and cash.

Sadly my dad died a month ago, very suddenly and unexpectedly.

I am confused as to the will. If there is one, why hasn't step mother said anything? If there isn't one, why hasn't she said anything?

I don't much care for his money. I do care to know whether he cared about the first part of his life where he was our dad for 25 years before f'ing off. £100 for the grandchildren would be about as grabby as I get.

So I am all angry about the not knowing part so I feel I should simply ask step mother. But she's grieving. So is it inappropriate?

Going around in circles..........

It's surprisingly common for overseas marriages not to be valid in the UK. I used to manage the registration service, and they would often have weddings that took place solely to legitimise weddings that had happened in other countries and even in the UK, from people who had had weddings in Polish churches here to those who had got married on the beach in Barbados.

One would hope that, before a spouse can benefit from a will, they at least have to prove that they are legally married!

If it were to turn out that the 2nd marriage wasn't legal, and ESM is not an EEA national, she may well have residence issues to contend with.

For what it's worth, it's precisely because of this kind of situation that in most European countries (and in Scotland) ALL children regardless of which marriage/ relationship they arose from , are legal heirs. Napoleon had the law changed because he was concerned at the numbers of children left penniless (in days when there was no social security) when their fathers moved on with another (younger ) woman. Personally I'd feel the same as the OP and wouldn't rush to call her grabby.