Divorce, Death, Step-mother and Will (in that order!)

[dungandbother]

Grateful for any input, my brain is so mushed over the situation.

My parents divorced 17 years ago. I'm one of three children. They were middle class wealthy.

My dad remarried fairly quickly as he'd been having an affair. She quickly became pregnant and I have a half brother. His wife (my step-mother) is my age, she is a European national.

I haven't had much of a relationship with my father, I chose NC mostly as he wasn't much good as a father. But I have seen him every year, sometimes once, sometimes a dozen times. He sends birthday cards to my siblings and I and he sends his grandchildren cards and cash.

Sadly my dad died a month ago, very suddenly and unexpectedly.

I am confused as to the will. If there is one, why hasn't step mother said anything? If there isn't one, why hasn't she said anything?

I don't much care for his money. I do care to know whether he cared about the first part of his life where he was our dad for 25 years before f'ing off. £100 for the grandchildren would be about as grabby as I get.

So I am all angry about the not knowing part so I feel I should simply ask step mother. But she's grieving. So is it inappropriate?

Going around in circles..........

The point being that the OP is a child - not stepchild- the deceased. And so has certain inheritance rights, recognised by the intestacy laws of England and Wales.

Do not feel sorry for her at all, she is only interested in the money and doing his first family out of any

The saga is continuing in strange ways.

I want to move this out of chat as it will kapoof. Will ask HQ to do so but actually not sure where to move it to

Will move to Legal but it doesn't get much traffic.

So in the meantime. Does anyone have any advice on finding out where and how they were married?

It seems they married in Eastern Bloc (not posting where just yet in chat till I get more info)

Apparently he tried to bring her here and met hurdles. 17 odd years ago. Got his MP involved.

None of his friends attended a UK wedding. I'm not convinced they weren't married..... but I must make sure they WERE!

It would definitely make it easier if they weren't. Now I have a migraine so ignore me if I'm misreading it but do you mean they might have been married in Eastern Europe rather than uk? Or that they may not be legally married? (Sorry for being dopey!) if the former Cohens genealogy at rootsweb is useful (although without knowing country I might be leading you up the garden path) but we were able to find birth and marriage records for some of our workers family a couple of years ago. If the latter that would be even better.

Might be time for a private detective.....

Goodness OP! I really hope you get to the bottom of it

Posted too soon...

Did you find solicitor b? Have you spoken to them?

Definitely married in Eastern Europe. Had that confirmed.
She has been here years so we just all assumed when he said my wife.... he meant his wife.

But I think in order for her to legally be his wife, he would have had to do a lot of paperwork. A lot. And register the wedding here in U.K.

So if I cannot find that registration, could it be that legally, she simply isn't his wife in U.K. Law?

And visas. She must have needed a visa. She obviously got one years ago.
Does she still need one as a spouse and mother?

What if she doesn't have one
Joking aside, I think the visa paperwork must be in order as they went to France fairly regularly for short trips. So she did go out of the country time to time.

My curious mind continues to whir. A private detective could be a Good idea.

Solicitor B. I haven't spoken to them. One sibling thinks just phone them to find out if the papers came from them. The papers
are irrelevant really as won't stand in law.

And B may just may be a little crooked. Doubtful I know but playing cards very very close to chest right now. Don't want to alert ESM of our thoughts.

💐💐💐

Nothing to add really other to offer my condolences, not just for your loss but also for the mess you've been left with.

I'm sorry for your loss. Haven't read TFT, but think you need to contact a solicitor as a matter of urgency before you do anything else/discuss with the second wife. Knowledge of where you stand legally and what options are available to you will be invaluable before you start negotiating/talking to the widow. Keep this knowledge close to your chest and don't reveal that you have engaged the services of a legal representative. If it comes to that, then have all negotiations and correspondence come straight from your solicitor.

If, as the widow has indicated, she is the executor of the estate, I think it would be prudent to have your legal representative investigate the veracity of this claim.

If, as you state, she belongs to some cultish religious group, I would doubt that she will behave in a rational and fair manner to your family.

My post written with the still bitter experience of my grandfather's million dollar plus estate entirely going to his second wife.

"If, as the widow has indicated, she is the executor of the estate," - she has said there is no will, thus she cannot be the executor (executrix) - only the will can appoint executors. She, and whoever else, will have to apply to the court to be administrators of the estate, within the intestacy laws.

"She must have needed a visa. She obviously got one years ago.
Does she still need one as a spouse and mother?"

She may need a visa if it's a non EEA country without a reciprocal arrangement.....being a mother doesn't prevent that, nor does being a spouse in most instances. But none of that affects the estate.

The thing that affects the estate is if they were not legally married, then she will not get the spouse part of the estate though she could make a claim but it could well be settled for a lot less.

Have you searched the National Will Register yet? www.nationalwillregister.co.uk/

Will search done now. Had to check my mother could sub me.

She is not a EEA National.

I've got the right form to search UK files for registered marriage. Will try to complete. It's a more complicated form as it wants her name and fathers name and date of marriage which I don't have.

From what I could read, if their marriage was LEGAL in her home country, then its legal here.

He would have had to have been resident 21 days. Not sure on that. At the time I was livid at him and not talking to him.

Also have read (google!) lots of stories of men who married in this Country only to discover it was never legal to begin with but they spent a lot of money on a 'ceremony'. When they tried to divorce, they didn't need to!

I'm not hoping this is the case for us. I just need to be 100% certain it isn't.

I'm going to move this to legal. It's proved more useful than I planned and I'd like to keep it alive! Will come back with link.

If this lady applies too court shouldn't op make court aware of her and siblings interest?

"From what I could read, if their marriage was LEGAL in her home country, then its legal here. " - yes, that's pretty usual.

"If this lady applies too court shouldn't op make court aware of her and siblings interest?" - they can apply to be the administrators if they wish, but they would find it very hard to act as they were not close to him, so the court would most likely appoint the wife, though they could appoint more than one. But that isn't a process to 'make the court aware of their interest', no.

Any progress with your investigations op?

No nothing has come up.

My siblings and I are baffled by ESM behaviour.

One sibling has been calling and leaving messages about mementos (things that have no £ value - all sentimental) and ESM isn't returning calls.

We will get a solicitor and push forwards to intestate. Just biding a bit of time to see if will search shows anything. I'm doubtful. It's been over a week.

We aren't in a hurry, that much is now for sure at least. ESM will be, I think she has limited access to funds.

I think in some Eastern European countries, you have to have a civil wedding as well as a church wedding. Just the church ceremony isn't valid. I've been to weddings in Poland and Romania where we have had a mad dash from the town hall or "palace of marriage" to the church as the timing has been tight!

ESM's behaviour doesn't sound baffling to me. If she had no interest in having a relationship with her husband's children while he was alive, it's unsurprising that she still has no interest after he has died.

Even worse, as you did not agree to her proposal contained in the fake solicitor's letter, she may well see you as her adversaries now.

Sorry

I don't much care for his money

Bulls! That's the only thing you really care about.

You know what HeebieJeebie - despite your apparent contempt for the OP and your apparent incomprehension of what the OP has said, I think she deserves a good share of his money.

The OP's father deserted her - she says I do care to know whether he cared about the first part of his life where he was our dad for 25 years before f'ing off. She says he was not a good father - reading between the lines, he had a lot of money, and his first family struggled.

So I think the OP deserves to get a bit of an inheritance, seeing as her father hadn't given her much during his life.

That's not grabby - if a father is careless & unloving, maybe a not of cash is some sort of - well, not compensation - nothing can ever compensate for one's father's lack of care or love - but some kind of reward for having to have put up with such an inadequate parent.

Thanks Giant. Quite.

Why should one woman get £1m ?

Let's say he had £1m with my mum. They had 50/50 at divorce so he got £500k.

In theory only half of that should come to my siblings and I. Half to new wife. The other half of my parents original assets will come from my mum.
So £250k split between 4 children (as he now has one more).
Wouldn't that have been a nice and simple will?

Or even if he wanted to leave new wife more, leave £100k between 4. Still great. He made a will. He cared.

He's grown his £500k, probably doubled it.

She wants it all. He was and always was a selfish self centred git. He didn't want her to have it because he wanted it all. She's not named on any of it.

At that point, it becomes a bit of a free for all. Simply due to his selfishness.

I suggested mediation to my siblings. I can't see much use in a legal fight when we don't even know what's at stake. I'd like to try mediation with ESM first if at all possible.

I agree with GiantSteps.