Divorce, Death, Step-mother and Will (in that order!)

[dungandbother]

Grateful for any input, my brain is so mushed over the situation.

My parents divorced 17 years ago. I'm one of three children. They were middle class wealthy.

My dad remarried fairly quickly as he'd been having an affair. She quickly became pregnant and I have a half brother. His wife (my step-mother) is my age, she is a European national.

I haven't had much of a relationship with my father, I chose NC mostly as he wasn't much good as a father. But I have seen him every year, sometimes once, sometimes a dozen times. He sends birthday cards to my siblings and I and he sends his grandchildren cards and cash.

Sadly my dad died a month ago, very suddenly and unexpectedly.

I am confused as to the will. If there is one, why hasn't step mother said anything? If there isn't one, why hasn't she said anything?

I don't much care for his money. I do care to know whether he cared about the first part of his life where he was our dad for 25 years before f'ing off. £100 for the grandchildren would be about as grabby as I get.

So I am all angry about the not knowing part so I feel I should simply ask step mother. But she's grieving. So is it inappropriate?

Going around in circles..........

Probate can take months to complete. My ex-husband had to do this twice with relatively small estates. One of his (very limited) good points was that he was meticulous about financial matters. Part of any delay may depend on the house - if that needs to be sold to meet intestate rules. You could google those as suggested above.

Are you not more concerned about personal momentoes? You mention that in your OP as being your concern, yet all talk is of the estate? Or perhaps your mother kept those. I did when I divorced. So my ex will have nothing from that time to give our DC (his choice).

So have you thought about how you will deal/see with step mother over the next few months? Is there no contact with your half-sibling?

Another thought.
I can sympathise with you and your full sobs not having much contact with your stepmother, in view of your father leaving your mother for her etc, but she could be in a very difficult place at the moment.
Your father did not leave a will, so may not have had 'his affairs' in order. It could be, unless there was monies in joint names with your SM, she is left with now in a very difficult financial position, as all his bank accounts, savings etc will have been frozen on his death.
You say she is not from the UK, so maybe she is 1)grieving the sudden and unexpected loss of her husband of 17 years, 2) supporting a grieving teenage son who has lost his father, 3) unaware of UK laws in regard to inheritance, probate etc, 4) unable to access money to pay for the ongoing bills and no idea how long this situation will take to resolve, 5) lacking in family support.
Maybe you and your sibs can be 'the better person' and offer her some support at this time. She is the mother of your half brother, after all.

Faded you are a wise and decent person.
Everything you mention is most pertinent and I agree.

I hope to high heaven my step mother is decent and honest and all the right boxes will be ticked. My full sibs and I are hoping to receive a letter detailing intestate laws.

Memento wise, it's hard to accept I'd want any. For me there is no memento in his possession that holds any sentimental value. He wasn't a good father (all property anyway belongs to his wife which for me rather taints things).

My step mother has not once in 17 years made any attempt at a relationship with us and didn't even have our phone numbers. She goes to church. She goes to church even when dad invited us round.
She hasn't worked since being here so I'm sure she's absolutely terrified.

I sincerely hope she has been correctly advised by her lawyer.

I've spoken to my siblings. We're all content to be patient. None of us have any cash flow and my mother has offered to pay for our legal advice which is amazingly kind of her.

I'll pop back and update sporadically.

Thank you

Sounds like a good decision by you and your family.
I hope it all works out for you all.

Just a quick warning that when an elderly relative died recently (with up to date will in place), it took the solicitors the maximum allowed 6 months to get probate, then another 6 to make a partial payment with the rest about 3 months later. They need to track down every single asset & get it valued, then talk to HMRC before probate is granted. They may then need to liquidate some assets e.g. property.

So it may well take a very long time to see any results if you DO have anything due.

I am sorry. I must have totally misunderstood your original post where you said you weren't interested In his money. All of your subsequent posts including your latest update indicate that ALL you are interested in is receiving part of his estate. Family paying for lawyers? Your dad hasn't been dead a month yet; many posters have explained that even basic probate will take months. It takes a lot to shock me but I'm shocked by your attitude.

Childm
If I were to follow your stance, am I to bend over and say this has nothing to do with me?

It isn't the money. It's the notion of what did I mean to my father.

I won't get answers to that. Because he didn't ever have the capacity whether it be emotionally or mentally to state it.

So I shall make a decision for myself. And that decision is not to do nothing and say oh well.

I don't think childmaintenanceserviceinquiry understands how in some families - especially when there are substantial assets and divorce - money/property can be symbolic.

And I think particularly in dung's situation, as she explains in her first post, she has every moral right to find out what is happening.

Probate does take ages so you are probably in for a long wait. I hope it works out and no one comes out feeling too bad at the end.

Maybe just ask her whether he had left anything? Just say you were wondering whether he had written anything about you in a will or maybe left some letters for you and your siblings to open after he died? It's fairly common and it's a bit less insensitive that way.

Well I'm sad to report that it would appear my step mother is somewhat money grabbing.

And one of my siblings is in such a fragile state they can't see the wood for the trees.

Received a letter from a solicitor stating that he made a will recently but hadn't had it signed off by the solicitor.

Attached said Will.

Letter asked us to agree to this will - she wants us to vary the instestacy to accommodate late fathers clear testamentary wishes and if we agree in writing, she will honour his wishes and give us £10k.

The will (dated June this year but unsigned) is a travesty. It leaves everything to her. If she died within 30 days it leaves 40% to half brother (teenager) and 20% each my full siblings and I.
It names us. Incorrectly spelt names, wrong names (maiden e.g.) and forgoes to give one of us a surname at all.

It is accompanied by a faked solicitor letter with a terribly obvious photocopied over a letter head letter.

What a shame she couldn't be an honest person.

I feel sorry for my half brother.

We will obviously get a lawyer.

I'm currently concerned at the solicitors firm that reportedly compiled his will in June.
It's so poorly executed I cannot believe any solicitor would allow it.

It's good to have an outlet here. My siblings can't discuss this with me on an equal footing. One is mentally and emotionally vulnerable and the other whilst thoroughly sensible, isn't a confident reader at all and so all the legal stuff is out of reach.

Uff. It's amazing what tricks some people go to when money is concerned. I hope it works out for you OP.

That sounds very fishy. Fake, even.

Go for distribution according to intestate laws. I think your fathers wife gets 50% outright then the balance shared equally between children.

Have you rung round all the local solicitors in your father's area to check that there isn't a proper will drawn up somewhere? He may have made one years ago and forgotten a out it? Clutching at straws I know.

Auntie I have long pondered this.

My godmother remembers witnessing and executing his will to my mother. Obviously void now. But that was logged by solicitor.

I think I need to call them.
Does anyone know if there's some sort of legal obligation list solicitors look at for local deaths? (Clutching straws)

At this point dont judge your step-mother too harshly. She is in a system which may be quite alien to her plus she may be being given advice from less than reliable sources.

You can see how the dodgy solicitor letter can come about - (un)helpful friend says 'you need to send a solicitors letter', step mother says 'what's that?' (un)helpful friend 'oh its just a letter on solicitors headed paper'. Step mother thinks that all she needs to do is cobble this together herself.

Inheritance laws can be very different from country to country. Step mother may be working on her own understanding rather than the law.

If there is a house there has to be probate if there is a will or letters of representation if not, and you can set up a "standing search" which alerts you when either is issued. I'm on my phone so I can't post a link now but will later if nobody else does.

The trouble is that if there was a will and it is less favourable to her than the law of intestacy she might indeed just destroy it. The temptation is great and the risk is minimal.

The law of intestacy is far too favourable to second spouses at the expense of children of the first spouse but that's another issue.

Thanks for the update dung. I hope you get something from your fathers estate.
Why shouldn't you?
You never split the family up and you tried to keep a relationship with him.
I have no idea how my daughter feels after receiving nothing from the father who doted on her and nothing for her beautiful children.

It's only natural for a parent to want to look after their children on their death.
Yet my daughter's dad didn't...how hurtful is that.
I hope the fact that your dad not leaving a will leaves you better off than if he had left a will and left you £10k

I hope you will keep giving us updates so at least we can better understand the process

Thank you Andrew for that insight.my exh, despite working in a high position in a company in Dubai, would bleat to my son that he had no money.

Yet his previous midwife supervisor spouse has not had to return to work apart from a few hours a week in a retail store.

I smell something very fishy

If he has a legally executed will, made years ago and leaving everything to your DM then in the absence of a new, legally binding will since that date, it is my understanding (though I'm not legally trained), that the old will stands. You and your siblings DEFINITELY need legal advice on this and the solicitor you instruct should undertake their own search for that earlier will (and any later versions). I wouldn't trust your step-mother's solicitor for one nano-second!

And I'm sorry you're in this awful, sad, upsetting situation. Your SM does indeed sound greedy and grasping, but from your description I'm not sure why you thought she'd be anything else.

Also - does your aunt have any idea which solicitor was used for the earlier will? Can she remember where she signed it? Who was present? Whether she went to an office on a particular street or part of town? All could help you in your search.

Ugh. Been here too- hasn't ended well (but not as much money involved).

You'll be in the wrong whatever you do, so with money in those amounts and no will I'd certainly pursue it.

it's a shit situation to be in.

Btw, on divorce it is standard for all previous wills to be revoked in favour of a new will, so I would be surprised if a will was but drawn up at the point of divorce.

If your DM can recall who his solicitor was then, I'd start there.

Juneau - I think a subsequent marriage nullifies that earlier will

OP, I don't know why someone can't be interested in their parents money in death, if the parent was a poor show in life. Please don't feel guilty.