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Legal matters

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Original poster

Can my childs dads mother take my baby away?

46 replies

Jade27xx · 01/04/2017 18:13

Hi im just writting this as i am abit concered. My ex partner broke up woth me 3 weeks ago as he doesnt have feelings for me anymore.

However i am curently pregnant with his child, shes due in august. He hasnt attened any pre natal care or checked in to see how she is doing. (Scans have confirmed she isnt growing very well). He blammed me as did his mother. They said it was my fault shes not grpwing properly as i let the stress of the break up etc effect me.

However they are now saying i am not aloud to leave town. I have to stay in the town so theh can see baby when she arrives. They are also demanding i hand my baby over every weekend from birth. I personally feel that is way to much for a baby to be away from here mother.

I would never prevent my daughyer having a realationshio with her father however they have been threatning to take her from me and saying his mother is high enough up in social work to make this happen.??? I dont reallg know what my rights or his rights are. Can they take away my baby? Can he demand her every weekend? He has comlletly blocked me and said he isnt contacting me until baby is here.

OP posts:

Snugglepalace · 01/04/2017 18:35

If you are not married or you do not put his name on the birth certificate then he has no parental rights and his mother probably knows this and is panicking. They sound horrible. Op do you have anyone in RL looking out for you? This is a lot of unnecessary stress for you at a time you should be enjoying your pregnancy.

Redglitter · 01/04/2017 18:35

Unless your own family live nearby I'd be moving away asap. Definitely keep any messages etc I'd imagine her employers would be interested in the fact she's using her position as a means of threatening you

SignoraStronza · 01/04/2017 18:36

No more contact. Don't tell him about scans, due date, hospital, labour, birth etc.
No father's name on birth certificate.
Move if you can.
Try to breastfeed. It would be highly unusual for any judge to agree to separating a baby from their food source.

redexpat · 01/04/2017 18:37

They sound like absolute dicks. Youre well rid. Who sent the messages about not being allowed to move and having to hand the baby over every weekend? Was it from his number or hers? If it came from hers I would screen shot it and email it to her employer.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 01/04/2017 18:38

Move, don't put him on the birth certificate, report his mum.

Original poster

Jade27xx · 01/04/2017 18:41

His mother said i wasnt aloud to move. She said i was a liar and an unfit mother due to the way i was feeling.

So i thought hard about it and felt that i need to work on myself and get over depression so they have nothing to go by.

Thank you for your advice i feel at ease now knowing they cant just take her from me.

OP posts:

isittimetogotobed · 01/04/2017 18:43

You need to seek legal advice and do not under any circumstances put his name on the birth certificate.
If his mother is using her position as a social worker to threaten or intimidate you she is acting in breech of the social work code of ethics and you can report her to the LADO for this ( local authority designated officer).
You are more than entitled to move away and I would consider doing so am not passing on your details plus blocking him from all social media.

PollyHampton · 01/04/2017 18:44

Oh my love, are your family aware? You say you are young, how old are you? There may be other agencies that can help you too

BlackDoglet · 01/04/2017 18:46

What every PP has said - neither he nor his mother can take your baby. And they can't stop you moving.

Do you have your own family to support you?

Original poster

Jade27xx · 01/04/2017 18:50

Yeah my family are aware. My mum told me that it will be hard but ill get there. & 18.

I do kobe thw guy lots but i dont know if he likes that so he has control over me and use my feelings to get what he wants.

Should i forget him, move on and focus in my lregnancy and daughter and when the day comes let him apply for court for contact? I think if we tried to sort it without help him and his mum will bully me into what they want.

Ive troed to include him in the pregnancy but hes not i terested what so ever same with his mum

OP posts:

HotelEuphoria · 01/04/2017 18:51

Have you posted this before? I have read this recently from someone's whose ex's mother worked in social care and threatened to take the baby away as she knew the right people.

Original poster

Jade27xx · 01/04/2017 18:51

I have my mum for support, she thinks im better of wothout them but also feels its going to be a long and hard.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jade27xx · 01/04/2017 18:54

On this blog no, only signed up for here today bevause i was googling stuff for advice

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/04/2017 18:59

You do not even need to tell them when the baby is born.

VestalVirgin · 01/04/2017 19:02

They were also saying if i stop my daughter seeing her dad she will grow up to hate me. Which i also dont want and i dont want her not to see her dad.

At the moment this man is not her dad, he is just some guy you had sex with, has no more connection to her than an anonymous sperm donor.

Why on earth would your daughter even want to see him? When children grow up, they grow curious about their origins, but he sounds like a jerk, and honestly, I don't think it would be of any benefit to her to have contact to him as baby and toddler.

You are young, and this man and his mother are trying to manipulate you, very unsubtly.

Don't let them fool you.

I'd move away, but of course, the situation is difficult. Do you have friends who live elsewhere and could support you?

Branleuse · 01/04/2017 19:03

Tell him that the baby is not his, and you want them to all stop contacting you.
Seriously, dont put his name on the birth certificate, because youre going to have to have contact with those arseholes for the next god knows how long if you do, and he will have the right to go for contact if his name is on the BC. He sounds like he would give you trouble

Marmalade85 · 01/04/2017 19:11

No a court would never grant that for a newborn. The recommendation for contact with very young children is little and often.

The father will soon get bored and I'm sure he will soon move on and make someone else's life a misery. Don't put him on the birth certificate. Good luck OP

LorelaiGilmorethesecond · 02/04/2017 00:01

Move now! Easier before a baby and then a court can't make you stay. Don't stay around for them to try and take over.
Don't tell him when the baby is born, keep it all off Facebook etc.
Get the birth certificate done asap and don't put him on it. Choose whatever name you want too.
Get some legal help.
Keep communication, and ignore them! You will need their threats etc if it goes to court.

MichaelINeedYou · 02/04/2017 16:37

If the mother has put any of that in writing seeing as she works for social services I'd be sending copies to her manager! Outlining your concerns that she is abusing her powers and threatening you

NaiceBiscuits · 03/04/2017 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newdaylight · 03/04/2017 12:31

Hi. I'm a social worker, hopefully this helps a bit. Like people said it doesn't matter whether she's high up in social services or not. In fact if she is she is professionally obliged to distance herself from any involvement social services should ever have with you because of a conflict of interest. If she doesn't then she would be breaking the code of the professional body that regulates her practice, the HCPC, a well as get employers policies.

If there are any worries about your care of the child social care will tell you clearly and try and make sure you've got the help you need. They can't just remove children without trying everything else first, and then without the order of the courts.

It sounds to me like your ex and he family are using bullying and emotional manipulation to try and control you. They are trying to make you feel worthless. He is your baby's dad therefore he can fight for the right to see your baby if he decides to. My advice based on what you've said is that I'd be worries about him and his family with your daughter. If he is using these tactics against you now, it's likely be may try and make your child hate you in future, which is harmful to the child.

Keep all messages from him and his mum.
If he attempts to visit your property and you've told him not to, start contacting police so orders can be put in place.

Don't put his name in the birth certificate.

Make sure you've got some good support around you.

Don't be surprised if your get contacted from social care because it turns out someone (him or his family) has made an "anonymous" referral saying things like you have loads of men going into the house at all times and there's drugs etc. We get a lot like that from controlling ex partners and they're ready to see through with 1 visit.

If you do need any help though, beyond your own family, consider contacting women's aid or googling 'early help family support' followed by your place name and giving a call.

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