Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Paternity

48 replies

tiger14 · 23/01/2017 18:36

11 years ago my husband had a one night stand. The woman (out of the blue, no contact for the last 11 years) messaged him and said her 11 year old daughter was his. What I want to know is can we legally force her to take dna test? The problem is all we have is an email address. If we can take her court how does it work?

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 23/01/2017 18:46

Before you go as far as taking her to court (with all the associated expense), how about asking her if she'd mind a DNA test?

MrsDustyBusty · 23/01/2017 18:50

I don't know whether you can compel anyone to submit to any procedures against their will.

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 18:54

Have done that and so far she has ignored us. So I just want to find out where we stand.

OP posts:
pinkieandperkie · 23/01/2017 18:59

Oh dear, this must have come as quite a shock for you. I think that you need to have a conversation with her.

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 19:01

We are trying........ she has already tried blackmailing him, she told him she wanted £10k or she'd tell me. Unluckly for her he told me himself as we have an honest relationship.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 23/01/2017 19:20

Oh Lordie, she's one of those!! Flowers

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 19:22

Yes she is, hence I want to see where we stand legally......

OP posts:
pinkieandperkie · 23/01/2017 19:24

Wow 10k. She sounds charming.

pinkieandperkie · 23/01/2017 19:25

Wow 10k. She sounds charming.

thatdearoctopus · 23/01/2017 19:27

Apart from informing you that her daughter is his, what else is she asking for? Acknowledgement? Maintenance? Contact?

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 19:39

Well this is it, apart from demanding money, not much. I feel like her only aim was/is to cause trouble. She hasn't actually asked for anything, other than the blackmail attempt. I have asked her what her end game is, but again no answer

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 23/01/2017 19:41

I would assume she is in debt and trying to pull a fast one...
Ignore until she is prepared to prove her allegations. .

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 19:47

I would love nothing more than to ignore her and her go away. I'm just concerned she'll keep cropping up every so often throwing our world into turmoil. Plus if it his then he has a right to know.....

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 23/01/2017 19:51

What would he do with his right to know?
She doesn't sound like she would be the 'packing the child off to df for the week end' sort of woman. Think - years of custody battle til the dd is old enough to decide herself - which won't be too long anyway. . Maybe he needs to get a free solicitor half hour. .

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 19:52

That's very true.... didn't know you could do that with a solicitor?

OP posts:
Tracker4 · 23/01/2017 19:53

Does your dh actually know her or is she just sending emails to random email addresses?

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 19:57

Yes he does know her. He isn't however certain he had sex with her as he was drunk. We only have her word for that. But why would she find and contact him after all these years if she didn't think he was the father?

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 23/01/2017 20:05

If she wants to claim maintenance officially, a court can order a DNA test if your partner denies paternity. Other than that, you can't do much if she doesn't want to play ball.

MrsBertBibby · 23/01/2017 20:14

If your husband wants to pursue it he would need to apply for a declaration of parentage. The Court can direct DNA testing. She cannot be compelled, but testing can go ahead just with samples from the child and your husband. If she refuses to agree to samples from the child being taken, the Court can order that to be done.

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 20:22

OK, thank you. So if it becomes necessary then we we do have some way of sorting it. Just don't want it hanging over us.......

OP posts:
ChickenLicken22 · 23/01/2017 20:36

Has she produced a birth certificate to prove there is actually a child?

I don't think he has to be named for her to claim maintenance but I would imagine she would have to start the ball rolling with the relevant agencies/ the court.

Original poster
tiger14 · 23/01/2017 20:42

No birth certificate shown, I never even thought of that......

OP posts:
Collaborate · 23/01/2017 23:51

Cheapest way to prove paternity is with a CSA organised DNA test. If she goes to the CSA he could dispute paternity. He'd have to pay upfront for a DNA test, and he'd be reimbursed if he's not the father, but it's cheaper than on the open market as the CSA have a bulk contract.

I suspect if she's after money there's something fishy going on. All she has to do is go to the CSA.

Collaborate · 23/01/2017 23:52

Birth certificate might be a red herring. The father has to be present to go on it.

MrsBertBibby · 24/01/2017 07:46

I think the point of the birth certificate is to establish that there actually is a real child of the right kind of vintage, since even that doesn't seem to be clear.

I agree the fact she hasn't gone to the CSA suggests that either she knows full well your husband isn't the dad, or she already has some other guy paying.

Did your husband consider going to the police? Her actions are pretty clear cut blackmail, even if there's no hard evidence the police are likely to talk to her, which may clear a few things up.