Court ordered contact with DCs

[jayho]

Post divorce we have a standard court order for eow, one midweek, half the holidays.

During half term, 11 yo said that ex assaulted him.

Police and SS investigation, ex denies. SS have offered intervention on safety basis, ex has declined.

Police & SS do not believe there are any safeguarding issues and that contact can resume after suspension pending investigation. SS advice that it should be phased to build trust and confidence.

11yo does not want contact, 7 yo does not wnant to go alone.

I am completely supportive of rebuilding trust, confidence, relationshiip etc.

Initially ex proposed seeing just 7 yo, punishing 11yo. I explained that the court order covers both and he needs to propose a way forward that achieves this.

he then asked me to drop at his rather than collecting from school. I attempted this, the children refused to leave the car. I called him and asked for alternatives, he had none.

I've suggested him meeting the children at a neutral venue or a third party collecting the kids.

Where do I stand?

Thanks

supportive bit may be through clenched teeth

Yeah, that was exactly what the court said. Unfortunately, they were only prepared to believe the PWC when the NRP finally managed to beat the child badly enough to make it to the hospital

So... better not to do anything that suggests you are blocking contact, as actively supporting your child when he doesn't want to see the other parent, unless you are completely sure that your child is at risk, for less complex cases, not pushing the other parent for contact might be enough.

Thanks for the advice, it really is useful.

where do I stand with Easter holidays? He should have them for the first week but there is no certainty. I need to sort work asap, I can put them in a club for the second week which should be my week, and shift my leave to the first week. My manager is great and I work in the public sector so family friendly, but I still need to arrange when I will actually be at work asap.

Would it be reasonable for me to tell him the children are available in the second week not the first as I need to organise work?

or should I ask him what his proposal for the first week is and then act accordingly?

Re earlier suggestions re work and after school care, I have put all those in place and am lucky that school and work are flexible but I have external clients and need to be available to them.

If the court order says you must make the children available for the first week then you need to do that. You could propose that he has the second week instead but he doesn't have to accept.

thanks, thought that, pain as have found lovely villa in Majorca for £300.....

but I am a good and sensible woman

You could ask him if he would like the second week instead but he doesn't have to accept.

Ask him now about the first week and say he has to get back to you by wed? for booking purposes of kids camp when you'll be working the first week.

My court order stipulates the holiday my ex dh has the DC and the dates he has to confirm by. If he doesn't, the order states he loses the contact time. He messed me and the DC about how so much swapping weeks last minute / not turning up etc - and when he decided to get an order, that's what my lawyer suggested.

Mine is to the level of detail that holiday dates are set in stone on a revolving basis so that I get first week one year he gets first the next etc.

he's messaged re wednesday to say he doesn't want to pick up he wants me to drop off.

I've replied that they are available as per the order and that I am working until 5, I am happy to bring round at 6pm after work but that he will have to arrange and pay for after school care in between - is this ok?

I would keep to the order, if you start agreeing to multiple changes, it will come the time when you will find out that the order has lost all its effect.

If he has agreed to pick up AND asking for a drop off means that you need to book/partially pay for childcare, say no. He is an adult and not your partner/husband anymore. If he needs the kids to go to the club so he can pick them up later, send him the after school club's phone number and ask him to sort it himself. You are not expected to pay for childcare during his time.

Having said that, if he were a very considerate parent, who never lets you or the children down, I would be happier to make changes to the arrangements marked in the order. But if this was the case... you wouldn't have needed that order in the first place.

Some way I missed your last post. But yes, that is a good reply!

hmm no response from him to that, yet.....