will a court view once a month as adequate contact.

[Daisypops]

Exp is asking for dc overnight but only sees them once a month. The next time hes seeing them there will have been an 8 week gap.
I have asked him to have regular and consistent contact but haven't heard back.

The dc arent sure about sleeping over I assume because they dont see him.often enough.

How would a court view this?

Good for the kids is seeing their father enough to actually want to see him.

I understand it is important to have a good relationship with the NRP however that requires a level of commitment from their father. It is not solely down to me to rebuild their relationship.

If I asked dc1 she would be bothered if she didn't sew him. That is what needs to change and I dont see how once a month will change that.

Meant dc1 wouldn't be bothered if she didnt see him

I feel like I am reading a different thread.

OP does want DC to have more contact but wants more daytime contact before night time as she thinks it will make nights less traumatic

Good luck Daisypops

absolutely starlight! OP is doing.what she can to encourage contact so DCs can build up to overnight. Good for you OP, keep a record of all your efforts.

Well nomoretether you've managed to say quite a lot, even though you don't know any of the people involved, as none of us do, and dare I say that is the nature of MN.

Lost dad I agree that it is the child's right to see a parent, rather than the other way round, but I think you are totally unfair to accuse the OP of thinking "how little can I get away with" - have you read her posts - she says in nearly all of them that she wants to encourage the father of the children to have more frequent contact so that the children will be more used to contact and can presumably progress to overnight contact.
Good grief!!!

Starlight123 and noregrets - absolutely agree. I can't imagine why some posters are giving Daisy a hard time as she is clearly trying her best to find some middle ground which will benefit both the children and their father.

Daisy, Just some food for thought. Children's wishes and feelings are important but not determinative. For example parents might ask a child's view about moving house or changing schools but ultimately it is the parents who make the decision in light of the background and family circumstances. Children shouldn't shoulder the responsibility of deciding whether or not they see a parent because if they do they can carry a heavy burden of guilt into adulthood.

Even those from intact families, will align with one parent and reject the other only to reconcile their differences and change their mind so their allegiances change from time to time. When parents are together there is positive communication and the differences are usually resolved constructively. On the other hand the communication between separated parents can be distorted, problems aren't resolved constructively and downward spiral may develop which has a negative impact on children.

Under those circumstances whether contact is every week or only once a month the children may cling to the aligned parent and need permission from them and need to be persuaded or coerced in order to reconcile their differences. Good parenting often involves coercion e.g. to get young children to brush their teeth, have nappies changed, for vaccinations, to teach them not to run in the road, to do their homework, tidy their room etc etc.

Mediation to improve communication is worth a shot and I wouldn't rule out trying overnights once a month for a few months and see how it pans out.

In which post did I say I want to get away with as little as possible?

All I want is for the father of my children to see them more than once a month and to repair his damaged relationship with dc1. I want him to be in their life. He should want to be for goodness sake but my point is it isnt until a few months ago he asked for regular contact and is only a few weeks since he asked for overnight stays. I am putting myself in my dc shoes. Why does dc1 feel like she does and how can it be fixes. The answer I think is more frequent contact. I wouldn't want to stay at someone's house if I only saw them oncexa month, whether they were a relative or not. It would be uncomfortable. If she had a relaxed happy relationship with her father im sure she would be happy to go.

My point is that your starting point should be What is in the best interests of the children?' and not Will once a month be enough?'

You know and your ex know your DC more than strangers - judges, solicitors, barristers, etc. - and you're better placed to make a decision concerning them. The bottom line is that if you can't decide as parents, strangers get to. You're placing the responsibility of your childrens' best interests of people who don't know you, your ex or the children.

Sorry if this comes across as brutal. I'd also like to state this applies to both you and your ex and I'd be telling him exactly the same thing if he was posting here instead of you (and I do to people who come along to the FNF meetings I run).

STIDW is precisely right.

STID that's a very thoughtful post and I hope Daisy agrees.

Lostdad You've slid around the issue of your accusation to Daisy that she is "trying to get away with as little as possible" - an apology might not go amiss.

The best interest of our dc is for them to see their father more than once a month, how can once a fortnight which is what I am asking not be good for them in the long run. I just think its needs toebe gradual and not heres my new home, new girlfriend and new life. They are little people witj emotions. Its not in their best interest to not look forward to going or to feel negative about seeing their father which is how dc1 feels now.
I have always got what is best for the dc at the front of my mind. Unfortunately exp hasnt imo.

Thing is, Daisy, when someone goes to court the only opinion which is binding is that of a judge. They may not agree with you. As I said earlier there are cases where children stay overnight less frequently than every other weekend.

Ill see how he replies to the letter I sent his solicitor. If he insists on once a month I think dc1 will try it with coercion.

It's also worth bearing in mind the impact that pushing contact will have - could he end up resenting DD/the responsibility? I'm not for a second suggesting that is a reasonable reaction for a parent but I don't know the guy. There must be a reason he's so fixed on once a month.

Who knows, once he's got used to once a month he may ask for more frequent contact.