Ex threatening court action for "custody"

[Overtiredbackagain]

So I posted a month ago about STBXH threatening to get "custody" of our two DC. This is all because I am in a new relationship, of which I have introduced the DC to very carefully and they are very happy about.

Following his threats, I consulted a solicitor so confirmed that, although it is his right to apply, under the circumstances (he does not contribute financially, he lives with his parents where there is no room for two DC to live, he does not currently work) his claim would have no substance. I pay for everything including expensive after school child care in order that we could both work.

The divorce will be finalised in a couple of weeks. His application included our agreement that the DC reside with me, but I work damn hard at ensuring he gets a lot of quality time with them. He sees them during the week after school until I get home, when I collect them and take them home to bed. Then most weekends I have one day with DC where he doesn't see them, then the other day he will spend a few hours with them. On occasions I have said they would like sleepovers, it's dependant on his social life and hobby

So Saturday night, 11pm, I had a phone call to say Ex had been out, paralytic drunk, and bumped into new man's father, where ex tried to get in a fight with him. Then followed 2 hours of phone calls to me from ex screaming abuse, making threats if violence to new man, and again threatening to "go for custody". I apparently used to take drugs 20 years ago and that is enough for me to lose DC to him I have never taken drugs in my life!

I have been advised (solicitor also told me this) that I should register a complaint to police against him, but I am scared of making the situation worse, but then I can't even leave the house now without looking over my shoulder and feel I am being watched.

I have been completely honest with DC about ex's behaviour over last few weeks, and as much as they love him and enjoy sleepovers etc, they do not want to live with him.

So what do I do? I pay for everything and just scrape through the end of the month, I have no savings, I rent our house. I can't afford to pay high solicitors costs. My friend said I should sit tight and wait for his solicitor to write to me, then see a solicitor, cos it could just be him blowing hot and cold, but I can't live like this, he is making me ill but ultimately the only people he will hurt are the DC and that breaks my heart

You don't have to think of it as 'a complete hash', you can think of it as a learning curve. Now you have ideas about what you need to do to move forward and away from xh's abusive behaviour.

If the children have adapted well, you must be doing something right.

Police are coming tonight to take my statement.

Although his threats of custody are hilarious, he can't even parent them. DD has been misbehaving this afternoon, he calls me to sort it out

I hope you refused

Good luck with the police.

Oh yes I refused, whilst trying very hard not to laugh

How did it go with the police?

Glad you are feeling more confident, have moved on from worrying about xh taking you to court and are now finding his threats hilarious.

It got cancelled due to a missing person, so rescheduled for this evening.

I'm not really more confident, I just find it amusing that he wants residency, but yet cannot "parent" the DC at all and expects me to discipline them, he does it all the time. DD had thrown a bottle of water over the backseat of his car in a mood - I found it really hard not to praise her!

So made my statement, over the phone in the end, as they kept having to cancel visits. They have listed it as a secondary complaint so they will not contact him at this stage, but it will flag up should another complaint be made. He is blowing hot and cold at the moment but nothing abusive and certainly nothing i can't deal with, i just need thicker skin, but it's really time he just got on with life and just concentrate on being a dad.

Feeling slightly anxious about the weekend. DDs birthday on Monday, so Saturday she is having friends over to play for a couple of hours, then they are having a sleepover with Ex on Sunday night, so she wakes up with dad on her birthday, then I'll pick them up and spend the afternoon with her - that's fair isn't? I just hope he doesn't spoil any of it for her

FFS so I got up this morning to find my new partners motorbike has been trashed - how convenient I have no proof at all that it wasn't just a random act of vandalism, but I am so fed up now.

If he ruins my daughters birthday this weekend, it will break her heart. I'm exhausted, I feel I have done nothing but moan and complain this week and I just want to wrap my babies in my arms, shut the world outside and stay there xx

Bullocks, fooking anchor arse already ruined her bday weekend - I hate him

What's he done?

What's he done?

OP, you ok?

Can't comment on your non specific recent update but hope nothing terrible has happened.

In general terms, it sounds like you're managing this pretty appropriately, like a grown up, unlike your ex. I think it's really important that you document everything in case he does make an application. I agree with the solicitor's advice that he's unlikely to succeed. Don't just write down when you've offered contact, his response and what actually happened. I'd also make a note of every time he asks you for help with the children.

I agree that you need to protect the children from knowing about their father's bad behaviour. They are way too young to be involved in this conflict.

Sorry I am here.

Just more drunken rumblings. He continued to ring/ text throughout the time her friends were here, then threats of not returning DC lunchtime today so I can spend time with DD for her birthday.

I "advised" him if he persisted in this, I will take him to court for the return if money he owes and for maintenance. Yesterday for the first time ever I got an apology.

I had plans to see my mum with DC for an hour yesterday, she cancelled so she could see DC with him oh well, I shouldn't let it get to me, she hasn't been there for me for the last year.

Ax