OMG how spiteful are social workers?

[IWillKillHisXbox]

Back between January- March 2013 I made two tearful phonecalls to ss begging for help with my 13yr old DD as she was stealing from me and other people staying out and mercilessly bulliyng her younger brother. BOTH times I was told "sorry we cant help you its parental responsibility" Not helpful as I was heavily pregnant with number 3 at the time. When they finally deighned to get involved it was to try and put my newborn up for adoption under falsified information that I wasnt co operating with hv. Turned up in court with the hv book that was irrefutable evidence. Have made a couple of complaints re this and other stuff (namely a social worker team manager that I will refer to as Cruella) obstructing me as I was walking up and down the courthouse stairs FIVE times in one day. Stage 1 complaint not upheld (ss investigating ss- go figure) So now basically ss arecontinually lying and twisting words and reports to their own tune and making sure the care proceedings take as long as poss as they know that when it is finished tha pariamentary ombudsman is going to receive a package that will take weeks to go thru. Any advice, prev. experience on this matter please?

I'm still surprised that not seeing a health visitor would lead to ss involvement.

But I do think you should go look at the teenagers topic, there are a few posters over there who have teenagers both ?ith and without learning difficulties who have caused them real problems, especially with younger siblings, and I am sure you will find good support there.

Honestly though, tone down the posting style, it's not assertive it is just agressive even though I fully acknowledge its not meant that way, itwillput backs up, and there is so much support you could get on here.

Good luck.

Not presumptive. Just adding up what you've given, ie half a story, hostility and aggression.

Wow. Just wow.

You have asked if anyone has had experience of similar. A lot of posters on here have had experience of SS, which is why they are saying what they are saying.

If you posted to have a go at SS then you are wasting your time. As has been said, some SWs are cruel and nasty. Most of them are good people doing a difficult job.

If you posted this thread for support then actually listen to what is being said instead of trying to be the smartest all the time. Sometimes you aren't right. Do you think it would be better to gain something now from the collective wisdom here, or have your child adopted and it be too late?

I can assure you that social services are not making nuisance calls to your house just because you made complaints about them.

So before you judge me "Gone somewhere for a more sympathetic ear" my arse love - Im a busy woman.

LOL and you don't want to sound aggressive......
Goood gracioussss...... and you're saying SWs are spiteful? If someone reacted like that in front of me, I'd probably punch them as a reaction. The SWs assigned to you are angels, believe me. Ok your daughter is a bully but it is not possible that they're considering your attitude a wee bit 'influential' in that case? You come across as abusive, sorry to say that OP.

i understand that your situation must be very stressful and i admire your assertiveness. However, the tone of your posts - instead of asking for views or experiences, whitewashes a whole professional sector

therefore i doubt whether you will get reasonable responses, which is a shame becuase there are bad apples in all sectors and some people have had experiences of that on mumsnet and could give some really good advice.

good luck for the future

Sorry you feel this way, you have clearly had a bad experience with some individuals.

But I think it might be clouding your perceptions about what is actually going on - you seem to be giving the SW power they just don't have. They can't 'drag on the care proceedings as long as possible', the courts won't stand for it. We are all now under VERY clear instructions from the government that care proceedings must finish in 26 weeks or less.

If you think individual social workers have behaved badly then by all means, be assertive and complain.

But you will get much further if you present your case with courtesy. Being polite doesn't mean you are a pushover. But being rude does mean a lot of people will write you off without listening to you, which could be a shame.

Do you need to 'assert yourself' with the hvs though? I know a lot of people roll their eyes and just tolerate them. I was always happy to have somebody come in and have a chat with them.

What mistakes are you pointing out? the HVs? do you need to ring them and tell them they are making mistakes? Maybe there are two ways of doing things, and their way isn't a mistake. So if you actually find the right number to make the official complaint, they might think you were a bit unhinged.

That's not asserting yourself. It's drama baiting. sign of a low self-esteem + a big ego.

What's the point 'asserting yourself'. Prove you have a healthy self-esteem by just smiling and inviting the HVs in and being pleasant and courteous and then when they go forget about them. :-| ???

Hell, i like you OP, but that's because I am sleep-deprived and your assertiveness sounds like me on a usual day I would listen to spero though - she is a good sort, knows her stuff and could give you great advice. Sorry for your situation - it sounds highly stressful.
I am not anti-vaccs but I am very careful with the timings.
You said your house was 'unfinished' - Was that a red flag?
i am sad there was no support re eldest - MaryZ is great on this, has lived it. Hope things improve for you.

thanks, ThesearetheJokes

Op, you might find this blog helpful. I think his advice about 'don't make it hard to be liked' is really important.
suesspiciousminds.com/2012/08/16/what-should-you-do-if-social-services-steal-your-children/

Also, if you are interested, about 20 of us on this site have joined forces to start another site as we have seen from so many threads over the years that there is a lot of tension and misunderstandings in the SW/parent relationship.

We are at www.childprotectionresource.org.uk.

you might find something useful there or you could tell us what you think we need to add. It is clear there is a need for some explanation and discussion about complaints procedures, so we are hoping to post something about this soon.

I think it's because the tone of your writing is quite aggressive - remember tone is quite difficult to judge online.

Thanx to all the people who took the time to read thru my posts properly (spero, thesearethejokesfolks et al) It was from being treated like shit from my teen that made me start standing up for myself and asking for help from ss. Am worried that its too late for my teen as even when the school and police were saying she cant have access to social media sites teen "aquired" an iphone from I dont know where. Will look at proffered info.

Lizlemongrass - the whole reason I let her in my house was coz I thought "well, get it over and done with"

Op you have posted in legal for some advice however it seems that the info you have given has some gaps. You might more useful advice if you frost all the facts.

I think it's easy to to give the op a hard time because she is coming across as a bit feisty.

But if this is a reaction from how she has been treated from a young age then it's not surprising.

Some social workers get right up my nose and I am supposed to be a fellow professional! And equally, some parents are aggressive, bolshy and defensive and won't accept advice.

A good working relationship is a two way street. I do think some professionals some of the time forget that.

And btw, I don't think it is 'too late' for your teen - you may have a very rocky road ahead but if you can just get her through this difficult patch hopefully she and you can come out the other side. Try to take whatever help is offered, but I know there is not much out there - teenagers are often left to fall through cracks.

Maryz would be worth speaking to, I agree. Maybe post in teens.

Quick update - the social workers team manager got caught out in a lie by my barrister, the fathers barrister, and the guardians barrister! Beautiful! That is why I believe in karma.

the social workers team manager got caught out in a lie by my barrister, the fathers barrister, and the guardians barrister!

That does not show the manager in a good light!

The only advice I'll venture is to keep meticulous records of any and all future meetings and back everything up in writing where possible. Some SW's are fantastic, some are terrible...unfortunately the same can be said of most professions.

Have you sought advice about your teen on the teen board? Even if they can't help with strategies, they may be able to give support (and advice on supporting your middle dc).

I am a retired social worker but please don't hold that against me......throughout a long career I have known social workers who are competent and caring and those who are woefully inadequate, and many in between.

I am trying to understand what you are actually saying OP - but I can't piece it together.........it sounds as though the LA have started care proceedings in respect of your baby. Is that the case? Please believe me that social workers have to present evidence to the court in these cases, as do other professionals involved in the case. You clearly have legal representation as you mention your barrister.

Can I ask if your family were involved with social workers when you were a child, or teenager. What about your 13 year old.....is she still with you or is she in the care of the LA. Sorry to ask so many questions but am trying to work out what is going on here.

Hi Spero thank god "you-know-who" is not here!!