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Original poster

Won't get out and won't pay

37 replies

mowmi · 12/08/2012 19:47

I am about to file divorce papers. My husband has been vile over a long period of time, highlights include spitting at me!
He thinks we can sort it out, we can't because I will not live like this anymore and I will not let my beautiful boy think this is a normal relationship and family dynamic - we both deserve so much better.
My question is around money. As soon as he gets the papers he will stop paying his half of mortgage, childcare and bills, I know he will because he threatens it all the time. I know I can't get him out of his house (long term plan is to buy him out, well kind of as we're in negative equity but I can take the mortgage on my own) but what can I do when he stops paying in the short term?
Will I have a case with the CSA? Even though we are both in the same house?
I get so angry when I think of him sitting in this house without paying a penny for it or his son but I know this day is coming....
I could just walk away and let it get repossessed but I want a stable home for my son.

Any words of wisdom appreciated x

OP posts:
Original poster
mowmi · 13/08/2012 06:25

Bump

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 13/08/2012 08:46

Part of the divorce is a financial agreement & that could include transfering the house to you if you can take over the mortgage. All he has to pay is 15% towards maintenance for his son.

Collaborate · 13/08/2012 09:15

You really need to seek proper legal advice.
Look on the Resolution website for details of solicitors near to you.

Fairenuff · 13/08/2012 11:21

Have you posted about this in Relationships? There is a wealth of knowledge and advice there, might be worth asking to get you started.

Boondoggle · 13/08/2012 22:10

As you have been married, depending on your corcumstances, he can also be made to pay spousal maintenance to you as well as child maintenance for your son.

Original poster
mowmi · 14/08/2012 14:44

Thanks ladies, Collaborate I do have legal advice, she was more interested in me checking out whether I could take on the mortgage on my own. When I've emailed her about him threatening not to pay she tells me to keep a log of it...?

OP posts:
Collaborate · 14/08/2012 15:19

Have you asked her the questions you've put in your OP?

Original poster
mowmi · 14/08/2012 15:33

Not specifically about the CSA but she does know I'm worried he'll stop contributing.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 14/08/2012 15:37

Why don't you ask her?

Original poster
mowmi · 14/08/2012 15:40

because everytime I ask her a question it appears to cost me £80 and I'm worried about how I will feed my son next month!

OP posts:
Original poster
mowmi · 14/08/2012 15:41

I was hoping someone would be able to re-assure me with past experience without it costing £80

OP posts:
Collaborate · 14/08/2012 17:01

Getting anonymous advice on a public message board is not proper legal advice, not to say dangerous as you'll be receiving advice based on inadequate knowledge of the factual history.

It costs money because it is a complex legal problem that you have, that takes time and skill to deal with.

RedHelenB · 14/08/2012 17:29

Based on experience divorced men on the whole pay what they HAVE to & often try to wriggle out of that. If there is no equity in the house you could as part of the financial settlement have it signed over to you & ex come of the mortgage which may be why your solicitor wanted to know if you could get a mortgage in your own name. Is your ex a high earner because if he isn't it is unlikely that he will be required to provide spousal maintenance as well as child support, & even iof he did, in total it would only be a third of his net wage tops. Crack on with the divorce & financial settlement as that is the only way you can get these things resolved legally.

Original poster
mowmi · 14/08/2012 20:14

But isn't that what this board is for? Clearly I need to speak to my solicitor at some point, I was asking if there is a case for the CSA if we are still under the same roof, I was hoping someone had been where I am.

Thanks Red, I'm the higher earner so I only expect and want money for our son.
I know I need to file but I know he will stop paying and all hell will break out!

Will do it next week!

OP posts:
Lizcat · 14/08/2012 20:22

From my own very limited and personal experience in the last few weeks talk to the mortgage company now before the world falls. You are not the first person in this situation and you won't be the last. Mortgage companies do have some compassion and do want to retain you as a customer.
I am nearly there mortgage approved in my name and just got to do the legal stuff. I make it more complicated as I am self employed and it seems under writers are unable to read company accounts.
I have my mortagage with the co-op and I cried the first time I spoke them about and they were kind and helpful.

Original poster
mowmi · 14/08/2012 20:28

Thanks lizcat, bank have agreed it all in principle so should be good to go when the time comes! Can't come soon enough!!

OP posts:
Original poster
mowmi · 04/09/2012 20:39

The divorce papers have landed and he's behaving true to form! He says he's signing nothing, the papers have numerous factual errors (? Won't tell me what) and wants to know when I am moving out! Oh and he will no longer be contributing to the roof bove his and his son's head! I quote " I am going to cost you f&@&ing thousands in legal fees" (he has no solicitor to reign him in) hasn't threatened going for full custody yet but he will... Don't want to be here :( x

OP posts:
Original poster
mowmi · 04/09/2012 20:42

He would rather the house sold or got repossessed and left us with a huge debt then sign it over to me - he is so vindictive. He is going to ruin me x

OP posts:
Collaborate · 04/09/2012 20:53

The CSA can't touch him when he's living at the same address as the children. A court has the power to order him to make payment if he's withholding a proper contribution.

Original poster
mowmi · 04/09/2012 20:56

Thanks, that's what I thought... The legal costs on top of no contribution from him will ruin me.

OP posts:
wendybird77 · 05/09/2012 16:45

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have to stay in the house? If in NE could you consider cutting your losses and going into rented and waiting until house prices fall a bit further and then getting a house in your own name? If you are planning to take over the mortgage anyway, can you not pay the whole amount now? I'm sure you have thought of this, but have you cancelled any joint accounts including any lines of credit (credit cards, store accounts, etc) to limit the financial damage he can do to you and your credit history? Have you moved all important documents and possessions out of the house to ensure he can't steal / sell / destroy them? Have you spoken to a benefits advisor to see if you qualify for anything even if he is still there? Sorry not much help!

AKissIsNotAContract · 05/09/2012 16:49

So sorry you are going through this. If the house is in negative equity I'd be tempted to cut my losses on it if I were you. Leave him in it, get your name removed from the mortgage and go into rented accommodation while the divorce goes through.

Original poster
mowmi · 06/09/2012 06:35

Thanks ladies, he doesn't earn enough money to take on the house, if I leave it will get repossessed as he won't be able to cover everything. Crap situation.

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 06/09/2012 09:56

ave been through simular situation myself and basically until the divorce finacial situation is rubber stamped at court and this can take over a year your stuffed if he lives in the same house you cant go to the csa either however you can claim benefits and although you are still living in the same house you can prove you are paying all the morgage and bills etc if you are on a low income and tax credits and child care cost so look into this avenue. if he wont leave you cant get him out so again if hes going to be a pain its either u leave and rent and let him get on with it or you put up with all the crap thatt goes on! basically i was told in this situation you were the one that choose him in the first place so your problem. sorry but some men are revenge happy and not into whats best for the child etc your in for a rough ride im affaid sorry, my thoughts are with you.

DuelingFanjo · 06/09/2012 10:20

how does the mortgage get paid now? Is there any way you can start paying the full amount yourself now and keep a record of it? If he defaults on his half then surely that will give you more legal welly? Maybe you could call his bluff and just tell him that from now on you will be paying the mortgage alone and that for every moth you pay it you will be deducting from the amount you give him when you buy him out?

practically:

Are you in separate rooms?
Do you have a joint bank account?
Have you collected together all the legal and financial documents about your joint commitments.
Have you had the house valued and proposed an amount to him for buying him out?

I lived with an ex for 10 months while we sorted out selling a house, thankfully no kids involved. It was hard but we had separate rooms and eventually we sold the house and now I have a new life. Stick to your guns, it is possible to get through this.

Not sure about the CSA, are you considered legally separated and would that help with CSA etc?

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