Won't get out and won't pay

[mowmi]

I am about to file divorce papers. My husband has been vile over a long period of time, highlights include spitting at me!
He thinks we can sort it out, we can't because I will not live like this anymore and I will not let my beautiful boy think this is a normal relationship and family dynamic - we both deserve so much better.
My question is around money. As soon as he gets the papers he will stop paying his half of mortgage, childcare and bills, I know he will because he threatens it all the time. I know I can't get him out of his house (long term plan is to buy him out, well kind of as we're in negative equity but I can take the mortgage on my own) but what can I do when he stops paying in the short term?
Will I have a case with the CSA? Even though we are both in the same house?
I get so angry when I think of him sitting in this house without paying a penny for it or his son but I know this day is coming....
I could just walk away and let it get repossessed but I want a stable home for my son.

Any words of wisdom appreciated x

I know I'm in for a rough one, spoke to my solicitor and apprently I can go for an emergency maintenance order if he wont give me anything?
I wasn't planning on giving him anything - the house is in negative equity and I paid the deposit from the proceeds of the flat I had before I met him? Am I being naive? I'm sure he'll come after my pension (he doesn't have one!)
Yes we have seperate rooms, we have a joint account that I don't use. I think he's in the process of diverting his salary elsewhere so I can't touch it (will get that closed very soon)
Yes, have all documents etc (passports etc are out of house)

I can just about cover everything but with legal bills it will cripple me. My long term plan is to rent out a room + he'll need to pay me maintenance for DC but can't do that until it's all sorted and he's out.

Oh dear. When I was with my ex we had a legal agreement drawn up to show that I had paid the deposit for our house. Do you have anything which can prove you used your own money?

Because you are married he may have a right to half, though if in negative equity I'm not sure how that would work.

you sound like you are doing alll the right things.

mowmi I think you should try the Women's Aid helpline 0800 200 207 or Rights of Women 020 7251 6577 (Thursdays 7-9pm).

The links are below, together with a lot of other information which may be useful to you. Apart from spitting and being vile has your husband been violent towards you or threatened you? If so please do not hesitate to contact the police. You can also call the police non-emergency number 101 to discuss matters of concern which do not require an emergency response.

Relationship Breakdown and Divorce ? Advice and Links

General

Read everything you can get your hands on. Get familiar with the language of family law and procedure and try to get an understanding of your rights BEFORE you see a solicitor. Get word of mouth recommendations for family lawyers in your area if possible. If you have children at school, ask mums you are friendly with if they know of anyone who can make a recommendation in your area. These days there are few people who don?t know of anyone who has been through a divorce or separation ? there?s a lot of knowledge and support out there!

If there are children involved, their interests will always come first. It is the children?s right to maintain a meaningful relationship with the non-resident parent (NRP) ? not the other way around. Children are not possessions to be ?fairly? divided between separating parents. Parents have no rights, only responsibilities. A divorce will not be granted where children are involved unless there are agreed arrangements for finance, and care of the children (?Statement of Arrangements for Children?). It is obviously quicker and cheaper if this can be agreed but if there is no agreement, the Court will make an Order (?Residence and Contact? regarding children, ?Financial Order? or ?Ancillary Relief? in the case of Finance)

Many family lawyers will offer the first half hour consultation free. Make use of this. Don?t just stick with the first lawyer you find ? shop around and find someone you feel comfortable with. You may be in for a long haul, so it helps if you can find a solicitor you?re happy with.

If you can?t find any local recommendations, always see a solicitor who specialises in Family Law. You can search by area here:

www.resolution.org.uk/

You can also find family law solicitors here:

www.lawsociety.org.uk/areasoflaw/view=areasoflawdetails.law?AREAOFLAW=Family%20law&AREAOFLAWID=36

Check your eligibility for Legal Aid here:

legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/calculators/eligiCalc?execution=e1s1

Some family law solicitors publish online feedback from clients ? Google solicitors to see if any recommendations or feedback exists.

Mediation

You will be encouraged to attend mediation. If there has been violence or emotional abuse, discuss this with your solicitor first. Always get legal advice, or at the very least make sure you are aware of your legal rights, before you begin mediation.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/Endingamarriageorcivilpartnership/Planningadivorce/DG_194401

Married or Living Together?

This is a key question. If you are married, generally speaking you have greater protection when a relationship breaks down.

Legal Issues around marriage/cohabitation and relationship breakdown are explained here:

www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm#Ending_a_relationship

static.advicenow.org.uk/files/benefits-and-livingtogether-2010-11-1161.pdf

DirectGov advice on divorce, separation and relationship breakdown:
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/index.htm

Legal Rights are further explained here:

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php#children_relationship_breakdown

I found these guides from law firms quite informative and easy to read ? there are others of course:

www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/uploaded/documents/Surviving-Family-Conflict-and-Divorce---2nd-edition.pdf

www.terry.co.uk/hindex.html

Finance

Before you see a family law solicitor, get hold of every single piece of financial information you can, and take copies. Wage slips, P60s, tax returns, employment contracts, pensions and other statements ? savings, current account and mortgages, deeds, rental leases, utility bills, council tax bills, credit statements. Are there joint assets such as a home, pensions, savings, shares?

Handy tax credits calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Handy 5 Minute benefit check, tax and housing benefit calculators:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/

Child Maintenance Calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Further advice and support

www.maypole.org.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/

www.gingerbread.org.uk/

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships
(Re Shelter, if you are not in England follow the link at the top)

I would be tempted to cut my losses and leave too. How old is your DS? Surely if you move on now with DS that's better than him seeing this being thrashed out at home for x amount of time? Sounds as though he's enjoying the last time he will get controlling you?

I'm scared I'll never own a home again if I do that, the house will be repossesed. I know I can do that if things get too bad though and will if he is vile in front of DC.
Thanks for all the links Olgaga

Lots of luck with whatever you choose.

Have you spoken to your mortgage company to see if there is anything they can do given the circumstances (payment holiday, IO until the divorce is sorted)? I would head over to moneysavingexpert.com and ask over there as well, someone will have had experience. Get your finances separated ASAP - let your bank know so that he can't run up an overdraft or take out credit in your name. Monitor your credit files to ensure that nothing is going on that you aren't aware of (him applying for credit cards, etc without your knowledge). If he is going to try to wreck you financially get ahead of him to prevent it. What a nightmare, I'm so sorry for you.

Thanks everyone who has taken the time to post. I've been doing so well but I am really anxious and stressed now... I've been in control during the break up so far but I always knew he would do this to take it back.
Will get my name off the account next week, will pop in tomorrow to see what i need to do.
Collaborate - in your experience how long does it take to get an emergency maintenance order in place?

It depends on the court. Maintenance pending suit applications are usually listed for an hours hearing. Most courts should be able to give you a date 4-6 weeks after issuing.

It can be backdated to the date of the application being issued.

thanks for the swift reply, do I have to wait until he doesn't pay to get the ball rolling or is a threat enough?