abusive ex boyfriend solicitors letter demanding contact with my son (non parent)

[njhc]

hello can anyone help me or give me any information as to where i stand? i will try to keep this short.
i have just recieved a solicitors letter sent to my work from my ex partner demanding contact with my son. he is not my sons father, my son is 7 years old.
we had a very on/off relationship that spanned out over 5 years. he was an extremely abusive partner, an alcoholic and a complete narcissist. he was constantly physically violent and emotionally abusive. he was arrested several times but never charged as i always dropped charges. i also had to be treated in hospital a few times. he is extremely manipulative and during my time with him i was an emotional wreck, life was awful.
the last time we got back together i had left him for a year, during that time he got sober and became an active member of AA. with his constant pressurising to get back together i decided to give him another chance, this time it lasted around 5 or 6 months before i knew things hadnt really changed that much. he wasnt drinking or physically abusive but still very contolling and emotionally unstable. we have now been completely seperated for 18 months and i know i will never go back. during this time he has constantly harrassed me asking to get back together and to see my son.i have even had to move house. a few months ago i contacted the police who asked him to leave me alone but to be honest the police even made me feel bad about keeping my son away as he had charmed them into believing he is now mr perfect. he has now been sober 3 years, has a good job and spends his spare time travelling and talking about AA.
He did have a good relationship with my son, although the arguing, the violence and smashing up my home was always done infront of him and he does remember. he has a great relationship with his father and sees him regularily. my son understands that sometimes boyfriends come and go but his dad is always there.
i do not want my ex to come back into our lives, life has been great since i am finally free. i am really worried, i will ignore this letter but i know the next step would be an application through the courts for contact. has he any chance of it being granted?

sorry to hear that ohdoadmit, i agree that its about control and trying to prove something.
my ex still has photos of my son all over his facebook, (the police cannot remove) hes constantly wining on their about 'his boy' getting sympathy of all these people (women) who havent got a clue, its so frustrating.

I wouldn't deny your ex lived with you but if he never officially lived with you - then state he spent a lot of time here but was still getting all his mail sent to his own address and was listed on the ER at his own address. State the facts but don't tell lies

Ivykaty is right, stick to the facts. You keeping your credibility is very important. Just correct the inaccuracies, that's all you need to do.

yes your right, i would constantly worry that white lies would come out and it could jeopardize everything. thanks again.

Was he ever primary carer? If he wasn't then you need to correct that, err he financially support you both well erm he's not now is he and you didn't expect him to????

I would lay out the facts of who was primary carer and when and how much contact your ds has with his dad.

You cannot deny having had a relationship. There wil be proof somewhere eg letters emails cards declarations of love etc he might have kept. You have to say yes you were together but are not now and there was violence.

What does primary carer mean ?
Did you leave ds in his care sometimes ?

Did you ever write cards or anything suggesting you were a family together or otherwise giving him a role in your ds life ? As ex might have kept those and be keeping them for use...

You need to be honest but point out ds has his father who he sees and focus on the fact your relationship with this man is over somce eighteen monthns that he does not have any kind of pr and has been harassing you.

That there can be no contact between you and him which would mean any contact with ds would above to be thru third party which is too distressing for ds.
And pointless at his age to be forced to see a man with whom there is no legal relationship .

It all sounds v stalkerish but be careful .

My exp would tell people how he asked me to marry him and I said yes as tho it were proof of something. The fact it never happened as he got both v sick mh issues and aggressive gets lost sometimes the way he tells it to people. You need to be repeating that as far as you concerned he is harassing you and as he has no pr you do not feel it is your ds best interests to see him. You have pr you have say so. As does your ds father.