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Original poster

ExH stopping me applying for decree absolute

52 replies

ddrmum · 15/01/2011 14:59

Why would an exH get his solicitor to send me a letter demanding that I do NOT apply for my decree absolute until financial matters are sorted? They are threatening to take me to court and look for costs if I do. I am really stressed out about this as he agreed to the divorce so long as I paid for it - again via solicitor - so why try to stop it? Should point out that I have most of the assets and 3 young children to support.

OP posts:
Resolution · 27/01/2011 12:37

You are being difficult!! :o

The case you are referring to will have been either a 2 or 5 year separation divorce - see s10 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.

The OP can apply for DA whenever she likes. You are of course right that when calculating the 6 weeks you don't count the day of the Nisi, so in practice if DN is pronounced on a Monday you can apply for DA from the Tuesday 6 weeks hence.

You may still be mad though.
Wink

babybarrister · 27/01/2011 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resolution · 27/01/2011 13:14

I'm only so 'clever' as I have custody of the office red book this week.

babybarrister · 27/01/2011 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resolution · 27/01/2011 13:33

Why - do you want to borrow it?

northangerabbey · 27/01/2011 13:48

It is six weeks and a day, and I agree with Mos that (as I said aaaaages ago (in Mumblechum guise)), if it's not a separation petition, you'll be fine to apply for DA, and given the aggressive tone of the ex's solicitors I'd be inclined to apply just to spite them.

babybarrister · 27/01/2011 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resolution · 27/01/2011 14:09

Liverpool. You?

mumoverseas · 27/01/2011 15:08

Hmm Resolution, are you entirely sure you have custody of above-mentioned book or do you perhaps have Residence of it? Wink

I stand corrected on DA point

Resolution · 27/01/2011 15:26

touche

Original poster
ddrmum · 27/01/2011 20:38

Slug - couldn't have put it more politely myself!!!Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ddrmum · 27/01/2011 20:44

Ahhhh, what would I do without you all??? Got threatening letter, hmmm might ask my sol what she thinks about harrassment - just for sport?! Well, it is unreasonable even for a layman to issue a demand and demand a same day response using Royal Mail. Had a bad day - well sort of. Judge dismissed Cafcass report which shows what a twit he is and gave loads of contact - well what he would've got eventually. I knew that, but still feel like I've been hit by a bus :( All I would say is let's see how long it lasts...... Again a HUGE thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
ddrmum · 30/01/2011 21:22

Update - DJ gave soon to be exH immediate contact which Cafcass suggested should be phased in plus a week overseas & pretty much dismissed the Cafcass report - I was so disappointed & disheartened. I'm dreading the financials cos he's a complete parasite & truly deserves nothing. Am really tempted top liquidate any assets and visit the bookies!!!

OP posts:
northangerabbey · 31/01/2011 10:54

Blimey, it's very unusual for a DJ to dismiss a cafcass report. Why?

freshmint · 31/01/2011 11:09

oh dear. which judge? I'm really sorry. Hope it works out OK for the kids.

Original poster
ddrmum · 01/02/2011 18:45

The DJ was drafted in from Canterbury (no names!)and in some ways I can see why he did a final contact order as it was what the ex would get anyway. I was concerned that it was a bit 'too much, too soon' for the dcs, oh plus a week in Cyprus but ignored. DJ annoyed that cafcass officer not in court, but there was only 1 days notice as the court was trying to clear a backlog. Kids seem OK, but were quite relieved to be home - he's extremely controlling and intense. Apparently I have to be served with papers if they are going to prevent me getting my absolute. I feel like my world is caving in only the babes keep me sane. He wants as much as he can plus some, doesn't care about dcs and on 1st w-end was happy to give me back the 3yo as he made a fuss about going with dad!! If any of you have some advice on financials I'd be grateful cos I'm at my wits end and sol isn't very helpful as I have the assets. I'm fine about him taking a 50/50 on joint assets but why also on my stuff gained long before I met him. This is supposed to be security for my dc future. Just want to cry, can't laugh anymore...........Sad

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 01/02/2011 21:34

I'm afraid that once you are married all assets are joint. Unless it was a short marriage he has a claim against assets you had before you met him. Equally you have a claim against assets he had before you met him. That doesn't necessarily mean that a 50/50 split of all the assets is fair, of course.

mamas12 · 01/02/2011 23:00

It is an emotional time but I wouldn't be so happy about saying 50/50 you know.
As all assets are joint within the marriage you will probably be advised that it will end up being at least 60/40 if not more in your favour as the childrens main carer.

babybarrister · 04/02/2011 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resolution · 04/02/2011 22:06

Just because you have the kids does not automatically get you more%. that's a myth, though it often does mean you get a bit more.
Just because he has a claim against the pre marital assets doesn't mean to say he'll get half of them. It's origins are still relevant. Needs usually trumps factors such as the origins of an asset.

Original poster
ddrmum · 04/02/2011 23:05

Thanks all. feeling more positive today. I've accepted that although he bought nothing in & took a large amount of money from me, he will walk away with at least 50% of the FMH. I plan to sell it and move back into my old house with the children. Once that has been done up as it needs work doing, there'll be no money left. As I've been told that I will not get any monies back for making the FMH more saleable (ie: decorating) it's just not worth doing. So long as the children and I have a roof over our heads, bills paid and food on the table it's all good. Sticks in my throat, but very expensive & painful lesson learned!! Thanks again for all your support & patience xx

OP posts:
mamas12 · 05/02/2011 16:17

So are doing up your house to move into with the money that he wants half of, if so that's a good idea i th

Original poster
ddrmum · 26/02/2011 23:40

Hi all, update time!! I have my Decree Absolute :) Contact has started and exH has already offered to leave the 3yo at home 2 out of 3times - yes he's a bit demanding at times but no less important that the other DCs. The 6yo rang and asked me to collect him at 9.35pm so duly spent an hour in the car to find that he'd 'changed his mind'(not convinced at all), but ex said you can take the other one Angry and refused to let me speak to them. all 3 were awake & it was 10.30pm!! ExH screamed down the phone at me with the children clearly in the background so I recorded it and had it noted at a local police stn as he is clearly not coping with the children. Pls don't think it's an over-reaction as this man is manipulative, a compulsive liar and dangerous. I just don't know what to do any more. I now also have a 1st hearing in June on financials and as much as I'd like a reasonable outcome it's just not going to happen.

OP posts:
mamas12 · 01/03/2011 12:57

OMG I'm so glad things have progressed.
Keep on recording him and noting it with the authorities.
It will all bite him on the bum.

Good luck

sindbad · 08/10/2012 20:15

I applied for divorce on the base of 5 year separation on 2010, my wife opposed and put a cross petition for unreasonable behaviour and adultery. As I wanted the divorce I agreed.
After 1 years I managed to get a court hearing on September 2011, I given my full equity to her and she agreed for a clean break, we have 2 children.
Consent order drawn, I requested the court she might not apply for the decree nisi, she undertaken she will apply decree nisi forthwith.
But 6 months passed, she did not apply for the decree nisi, after number of letters sent to her solicitor she applied for decree nisi, now I paid the fees for the conveyance solicitor to transfer the home, she never communicate on time, now it is 6 moths my from my decree nisi.
If I apply to for absolute can she oppose this?
Please help!!!