Keeping Away...good or bad

[Mark76]

Hi all

First post...and I'm going to throw myself in at the deep end...

I split from my partner, 8 weeks before she gave birth - this wasnt through choice, her family were interfering in our relationship, and all my attempts to straighten things out failed - my ex obviously wasnt going to go against her family, but the main issue was her mum, who has quite a hold on my ex..But basically, I felt I couldnt go on

I haven't had much contact if any over the last 2 months, shes obviously not contacted me, and aside from a letter, 2 texts, and a card once the baby was born..thats it..

I am aware that her mum had moved in after I had moved out, so I was in two minds as to whether to go and visit...Her mum would probably lash out, like she did on the night I left (and I just wanted to leave peacefully)

I am intending to attempt contact again, this time face-to-face...But I fear that this will be going legal, for what its worth..Will the fact I've kept my distance be an issue when it comes up in court...I only kept away to save any hassle from her family, and so as to not stress my ex out (she has a condition that is stress-linked)

All advice greatfully received

I'll admit I have probably looked at this wrongly, in some ways..I know its not just me, and I accept its the mother, and my daughter that are the priority..And I realise she doesnt have to be friends with me, but that it will make things easier..

However..theres still the nagging issue that she'll not want me to have anything to do with DD (Granted, I may have to simply accept this) and all I want to do is be a good dad...Despite everything, I know I can be a good dad :-)..As you say, I can't force the issue..

Cheers SAF...

Fully hear what you're saying..although, despite everything thats been said..I've still got her mum to worry about..I know it seems like I'm using this as an excuse, but that is the truth!

I know me and her family will never see e2e on anything, and again, I accept that..despite what i've said previously, I do understand what everyone has said!, and again aplogise for my previous rantings..I wasnt trying to paint me as the good guy, but I was just after the opinions of some strangers, as I've got people saying one thing, and saying another..I wa just after a third-party's opinion :)

Sorry if that sounded a bit odd...

really it would be hard to give an opinion on the situation as we only know what you are telling us and as youhave said there are pages of info you haven't shared. Why should you though? I think you need to follow the right legal channels to achieve contact with your daughter and that is the only way you will have a chance.

TBH..going legal may be the only way..

Should have added...'in the long term'

I think theres much more to this, familys do not form a barrier around a new mother for no reason. And no matter how much you claim her mum is keeping you away , pulling her strings ect, its your ex whos making these choices.

You seem to veiw her as some idiot who is under her mums thumb. Youve also said her mum will stop at nothing to keep you away. Why ?

Re turning up " with a witness " , i dont like that comment and find it very odd youve even thought about doing that.

So far youve claimed shes under her mums thumb, due to hormones ect you were on and off but youve always put her first. What exactly IS your part here, because you paint yourself as this great guy, but if you were, you wouldnt be in this position.

Many women will put up with a lot in the hope of their child having two parents , yours doesnt want you around, and it isnt because of her mum, or hormones , its because of something youve done or said.

Personally i think your attempts to see your daughter are actually attempts to get a dialouge going with your ex in the hope of getting back together.

For all your talk of wanting to have a relationship with your daughter, why havent you got a job ? Whos been paying for everything ? Not you evidently .

Hang on a mo dignified...

Firstly, I am only recently out of work (and I AM Looking, very actively)..We cohabited, for 4 months during which time I was working, I looked after her, I paid for baby clothes, pumps, etc..did shopping,bought lecy, coal, etc took her to her hospital appointments and back, when I couldn't actually take her to do the shopping, I always gave her the money to do the shopping...regardless of what you're thinking I DID provide.

And at the moment, given that I've not had any access, I am putting money aside for my daughter, so that I can provide.

I didnt turn up..I knocked tha idea on the head, mainly after advice on here, and some other places..However its probably all going to go legal now :(

I never said I was perfect, I made mistakes...as for getting back together..well, theres no hope there, and I accept that, I'd like to be amicable, for the sake of our daughter...

As for her mum/hormones...you would have to know the situation, in order to understand (if anyone wants the lowdown, PM me)

I have posted the truth, I didnt come here looking for sympathy, as I know that I wouldnt get it..I just wanted some advice..I didnt ask to be judged