How many children, 2 or 3?

[seashore]

Hi there,
Anybody any advive on what how the family dynamic changes if you decide to go up from 2 to 3 children. We have a 3yr old and an 8 mth, trying to decide if we should go for three.

Would it be a nightmare being pregnant already busy with baby and toddler? Is three a crowd? Would it be better to just give more time to two? Or It's now of never cause I'm 41 so I need to decide soon. Any advice welcome. Thanks.

"it gets easier the more you have as the older ones help with the younger ones"

that's ashame on the older DC though, surely they should be allowed the freedom to be children and not carers to their younger siblings?? just a thought...

Seashore - "I also am very concerned about the idea of a middle child out of 3 being overlooked," In that case probably better if you go for 4 so that the middle child has company in the middle
From what you've posted it sounds as though it comes down to whether you actually want another child or not. Only you know that and it sounds as though you're not particularly bothered. Maybe leave it to chance?

Lovechoc "it gets easier the more you have as the older ones help with the younger ones"

Not ime tbh. My children only helped out with what they wanted to. And with 4 aged 5 and under there wasn't that much they could do to help anyway

no, I'm was actually quoting another poster, juuuule and I was questioning why that's fair on the older siblings (IMHO it's not really that fair, they should be allowed to be children).

true if they're all close in age as that, there's not a lot of they can help with!lol

I have 3, dd (6), ds1(3), ds2(4 mo). Like a pp said since the arrival of ds2 dd and ds1 get on much better, they play and are a little team (most of the time) and both love ds2. It is hard going tbh with the broken sleep, I am longing for the solids and sleeping through stage.

I do feel sad for dd that she won't have a sister, but she doesn't seem overly bothered. Plus any theoretical sister would now have at least a 7 year gap. If I could guarantee a girl I would think hard about 4.

As for finances, well we weren't that well off with 2, and about the same with 3. We muddle by, and I have plans to train next year so we should be better off by the time they are all in school. We don't have a car and haven't had a holiday since 2005.

Lovechoc, I was just pointing out that while people make that comment it's not that easy to do anyway However, I do think it's beneficial to children for them to help out within the family anyway including occasional help with siblings.

I'd say be prepared for an unholy increase in housework - especially laundry. I focus on keeping kitchen and bathroom sanitary.

The first year with DD3 has been tough with very little sleep and conflicting emotions from the older two (aged 3 and 5)

You do notice that you haven't had s proper night's sleep for at least 5 years now.

Also I've found it hard to do after school activities with DD1 because I have the other two in tow and have to rely on friends to take her and bring her back. Found it hard for DD1 to have friends back after school because dd3 had terrible colic and would scream from 4pm onwards. Still find it hard to have people round but things are improving slowly as she gets older (8months)

it's pretty hard work and I look at friends with one or two children and can see the advantages. But I wouldn't change ut as they all seem yo get so much out of being together.

Just Thought I'd chip in with a point you may not of thought of...

Do you know what the Naturally Occuring rate of twins is ?
Without IVF, how many births are twins ???

Look down for answer...

its one in 80 births on average !

Also did u know the chance GOES UP with each pregnancy you have, AND the older you get.

Just thought you might like to know, as I didn't when I had my 2nd preg.

btw I cant help with original question because I unexpectedly had twins when DD1 was 3 yrs old, I've never had 2 kids. Went straight from 1 to 3 !!

Oooh...great thread OP. I have three DC 8, 5 & 3. It is actually getting easier now but the first year or so was very difficult. Taking care of two children and a newborn on little to no sleep is an experience I would NEVER repeat personally (although if you're a night owl this won't bother you). For the most part the kids are great pals now and the little one can join in games with the older two, which is lovely to watch. If I could do it again, I don't know if I would have had the youngest two so close together. It was really hard trying to get out of the house with a 5 year old, two year old and a newborn. Do you have family nearby that might be willing to help out a little? Even having someone to take the older two an afternoon a week so you can run errands/tackle laundry/make some phone calls/get some meals in the freezer is a god-send. I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home with my children but I don't think I could have had three if I was working out of the house full-time. Lots of people can do it successfully if they are able to sacrifice sleep/personal time to focus fully on the kids at the end of their work day. I am not one of those people.

Hi there! I am in a similar psition to you ad with the same dilemma... .
I'm 41yrs old and have 2 children: ds-5yrs and dd-3yrs. I really though I was done with the birthing.... in fact a while back we had a scare and we were both adamant we didn't want anymore children.
What a difference a year makes! I feel SO broody, it's been playing on my mind and the feeling seems to be getting stronger despite all the logistical reasons why I should stop where I am and be satisfied with that.
I don't know about anyone else but I feel decisions like these are very much from the heart rather than the head. They are deeper than logic - in fact they often fly in the face of it! But what can you do?
For me, I'm just wondering if it's that time of life when you feel the decision will be taken out of your hands....I don't know.
Like previous posters have said though you need to feel fit and strong and for me - that's something I need to work on. I have some weight to lose and need to strengthen up, so I'm giving myself a few months to do that and then see where life leads us by then.

Thanks everyone, you've all made very wise and honest post lots for me to think about, and I'm really glad that I'm not the only one out there confused about this. See, I was so sure 2 would be my max, I think it might have been the last birth which went so well (big surprise after terrible first one) as I got into the ambulance with ds, dh said excitedly, we have our family now, we have our two dc! and, oh no, a little voice in my head said, I want another!!

I'm trying to decide what to do come July when it will be a yr since birth.

SingForJoy, you sound just like us, we don't have a car, not big on hols but we have lots of fun and get by.

Also the other thing is ds is such a lovely relaxed baby, it makes me wonder, maybe I could manage another?

Picklemum, I know about the twins risk, I'm def not planning 4!

The other thing is the pressure to provide sis for dd almost makes me think of just leaving it because I wouldn't want to disappoint her if I did it and we had a ds. (Since ds is only 8 mths he wouldn't have any expetations bout this)

Shona2, I do wonder if I did it, would we ever get out the door again as one family, already takes a long time now! Regards family helpers, have one poor unsuspecting Nana nearby that would completely assume we are done! Ds is her fav gc and I would bet she would fear us lacking time for him with another. But she is a lovely person and would def help.

Picklemum got me thinking about twins - during my last pregnancy my mw thought for a while that I was having twins, it was winter, between snow, Christmas and a trip away it was a long while before we had a scan which said, nope, not twins. And although at first I was shocked at the idea, and certainly relieved that it was a solo in there, maybe somewhere in my head the thought of 3 dc had grown? because I was a little disappointed.

Laurasmiles, like you I do also question if it's part of my age, the feeling that soon enough, like you say, it will be out of our hands.

Juuule, don't know about just leaving it to chance, I have considered that though but frankly at this age every month counts, luckily with both previous pregnancies I conceived quickly and easily but that also means I would have to have my mind made up!

I have 4 children, all 19 months apart, now aged 5, 3, 2 and 6 months old (nearly).
Going from 2 to 3 was really hard for us, initially, because everything became that little bit harder to accommodate, and society is more set out for a family of 4. However, we went on to have 4 so can't have been that bad. Now don't ask me what it's like with 4 as I will say pure hell lol )
Anyway, I don't know anyone with 3 (and I seem to know a lot of people with 3) who regret the decision of having another child, so what I'd say is, if you are both 50/50 maybe let nature take its course ))))
Good luck xxx

I thought there was someone missing too - we felt too small and neat a family being just 4 of us. With three children they all run around like loons and make the most enormous amount of noise, but it is great fun and what I always wanted my family to look like.

I have 3 DC. They are close in age too, only 20 months between DS1 and DS2, then 20 months again between DS2 and DD. So when DD was born I had 3 under 3.5!

They are now 4, 5 and 7. I love having 3, and would personally have another (although OH isn't keen!). So I would say have three...

I have 3, DS 1 IS 10, ds 2 is 2and a half and ds3 is almost 4mths. Don't regret it one bit, It is hard but not as hard as i thought. Its all about getting into a routine. Those early mths really do fly by and it gets easier and easier. The hardest bit is just not much time for yourselves.

BTW I'm 39. Might go for number 4 if i can talk round dp

Oh and as someone else said, the pregnancy flies by when you are already busy with the others. That is so true.

mmm, you guys could convince me! thanks

firsttimemama - have you had any more thoughts, i could have written your thread. But you wouldn't have chosen which on doesn' get a brother / sister. And you will be sensitive to that/ so will encourage friends to play etc.. I'm also 1 of 4. And feel like i'm not done yet.

Jade1978 - not sure where else this thread would go? Ofcourse having 3 would be easy if you were used to having 5!!

I have three and as others have said, they feel like a little gang. You will never regret having another child but you might always regret not having one, iyswim.

I am facing the same dilemma as you. My DD is 2.5 and my DS is 9 months. Am just about to stop breastfeeding so need to start thinking about whether to start taking the pill soon! we had a terrible time conceiving our first, so it seems wrong to try and prevent a preganacy. Am 40 next month so I feel like its now or never...
Keep talking myself out of it then in it again!Feel like I should just be very grateful for having 2 healthy children. AAAH!

My situation is slightly different I have 3 kids but my eldest is 16, then 14 and then 3! My little boy was a late surprise and I am SO glad had him! I LOVE having 3 kids. I was 38 when I had him and we thought our family was complete at 2 gorgeous girls.
The hard bit for me was going back to "babyhood' after 10 years! But our family dynamic is fantastic now!
In fact there is a bit of me that wishes dh hadn't had the snip and that we could have another!

We have three (now 10, 9 and 7) and it is the perfect balance between a "big" family (which I want in my heart) and a "sensible-sized" family. We can still fit in a regular car, for example, and I still have time for them all, but we get a bit of that big family buzz and noise. I'm thinking of the years ahead - grandkids, family parties, the more the merrier!

Having three under-4s when dd2 arrived was hard work; I had a whole year before the oldest started school and it is all a bit of a blur now, but I managed.

As mine are all close in age no-one really gets left out.