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Original poster

Dh has finally said yes to 3...but what the hell have I done?!

52 replies

luckywinner · 10/02/2009 20:51

I have spent the past 9 months persuading him that 3 is a good idea. He has thrown all the practicalities at me, money, flat, car etc, but now he has said yes! And all I can think is eek!

I am very excited but now equally terrified. What have I done? Will I upset the beautiful relaltionship ds and dd have? Will I bring chaos into our house by having a third? Will we have no money? Will I be too tired?

Help me! Please reassure me that 3 is the magic number.

OP posts:

popsycal · 10/02/2009 20:53

3 is the best 'mistake' 'I ever made. He is adorable. 'he will be 5 months tomorrow. Super smiley, chilled and no bother.

dizzydixies · 14/02/2009 17:08

my 3rd is now 6 months and she is fabulous! I found it much easier to go from 2 to 3 than I did from 1 to 2

am working on getting a 4th now

kiltycoldbum · 14/02/2009 17:10

well im currently 23wks with no3 so yay you! im slightly terrified as my youngest will be 16mnths when this one comes but it will be a chaos full of love wont it! yay yay yay! super exciting!

psychomum5 · 14/02/2009 17:12

my third was wondeful

#4 and #5 are less so

((only kidding on the 4 and 5 BTW))

oregonianabroad · 14/02/2009 17:18

my dh says no to a third, so well done for convincing him.

why not wait a bit now until you are sure it's the right time?

I know for me, there is no way I could cope right now, until ds1 &2 are a bit older, so I'm not going to try too hard to convince dh until I feel ready.

I'll bet Id freak if he said yes!

dietstartstomorrow · 14/02/2009 17:21

My DH will just not agree to a 3rd and he is having the chop soon.

So, I would say, go for it.

RachePache · 15/02/2009 14:51

My DH has just agreed to a third, now I'm having cold feet. I don't have to really decide for another year or so as DS2 is only 14m and I'd want a three year+ gap.

maddylou · 15/02/2009 15:27

Can`t begin to imagine being without DC3-yes it was hard work but worth it.

PlumBumMum · 15/02/2009 15:35

I can honestly say our number 3 is such a character, shes 2 now and c so different from the other 2 I'm still amazed by her

PlumBumMum · 15/02/2009 15:38

dietstartstomorrow

btw luckywinner we decided to go for no3 when we just moved house and tbh for awhile I thought oh shit what have we done we've just put ourselves under extra pressure but she was worth it

snuffyp · 15/02/2009 15:40

lucky you i cannot get dh to be interested in number 2

PlumBumMum · 15/02/2009 15:46

snuffyp
try the if something happens to us dc will have nobody else

I got no 3 cause I'm one of 2 and would love more siblings
dh wants n4 but we're not ready yet

snuffyp · 15/02/2009 15:52

I cannot understand it as hes a great dad to ur dd.Plus he knows it upsets me i said i just feel like i don,t have any choice and i,ll end up resenting him for it as it will be a regret i,ll have in life.We saw a couple we sort of know and his wife was heavily pregnant with there 2nd and i said to my husband how jealous i felt jealous shes pregnant and jealous she has a dh who wants a child

PlumBumMum · 15/02/2009 16:03

What age is your dd?

snuffyp · 15/02/2009 16:08

Shes 4 and will be at school sept.Its something i,ve said about loads of times but he ignores it

Nemoandthefishes · 15/02/2009 16:11

I have panicked with every one of mine once I have been given the go ahead..so to speak..lol
Dh only ever wanted one so when we had DD1 he wanted to go for the snip[already had ds] 12mths later we had dd2 and I was delighted as was DH. Am now 22wks with no.4 [another DD] and am delighted but this will definetly be our last. I think with us having ours all close together[5,3 and 2] it has been very tiring but definetly worth it.
I think a slight panic is normal

PlumBumMum · 15/02/2009 16:12

snuffyp hopefully when dd goes to school he'll realise shes not a baby anymore and want another one

snuffyp · 15/02/2009 16:14

Plus apart from at nursery she has no one to play with i am one of dh one of 2 cannot imagine being a only child.DD notices we don,t have a pet let alone when she finally asks where her siblings are!

alicediamond · 18/02/2009 14:43

I have 4 and number 3 was just the most delightful, calm, chilled and adorable baby. She's 8 now and is still totaly angelic.

Unlike all my others, who are delightful but were hard work as babies! Having read some of the posts on here matbe its a 3rd child thing?!

fernie3 · 19/02/2009 11:58

My third was born 12 days ago and so far things are great - husband not back in work yet so we will see how it goes when I am on my own!( I have a 4 year old a 2 year old and a newborn)

To be honest my husband and I have never really discussed how many children we want in total, the first was a case of " we have a house, job etc kets have a baby!" then the other two were just me saying "lets have another baby" and him just not disagreeing!.

BUT he does give plenty of clues in his evereyday life that he wants a big family - for example at the moment we are looking at larger house because we only have 3 bedrooms at the moment and he calls it "room to grow" or when we bought the cot for our new baby he bought a pretty sturdy one because it would last "the next one".

I love having three and cant wait to go for number 4! hmm maybe 5!....lol

I am already busier than ever though so god knows what it will be like once routines are back to normal

I dont know how to go about convicing someone who doesnt want another baby to have one BUT if it means that much to you to have another one then I would expect him to listen and at least seriously consider it out of respect for you (im not saying her has to agree just not outright dismiss it)

sophie

oxocube · 19/02/2009 12:06

3 kids are good. I have 3 (obviously!)

Sorrento · 21/02/2009 15:02

I would not have 3 if you can't have 4, i find the dynamics of three very hard work, might be better if you have different sexes though.

thechocmonster · 22/02/2009 10:46

I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my third and fourth! It had been a huge decision to have a third - so the fourth has been a big surprise. We live in a three bedroom flat, have a small car etc etc. However I couldn't feel happier and am really looking forward to having a large family.

Original poster

luckywinner · 24/02/2009 21:27

Oh god I have been away from Mumsnet for a bit and didn't realise there were replies to all my stresses! Thanks though, you have made me feel a little less panicky.

I am one of 3 so I am always going to agree with all of you who said 3 is fab! I am just such a control freak I don't know if I am about to push my limit with that number of children.

Nemo, I know what you mean about the panicking once it was reality thing. I have spent the past 4-5 months pleading with dh, and now he's said yes I am worried he will blame me if things go crazy!

Diet, you're right, I should go for it, isn't there a saying you only regret the children you didn't have?

Sorrento, that's interesting about the dynamic thing. I think that's what put my dh off for a bit as he is one of three boys whereas I am one of 3 but mixed sexes.

We are def going to go for the third but will wait until May till we get going . Both my other dc are Nov/Dec babies and I am not sure I can take another birthday so close to Christmas. It is chaos as it is. Plus it's my birthday in March so I can have at least have one last complete alcoholic blow out before I commit myself to lager shandy.

One of my worries is we live in a 3 bed flat. Will 3 be too many for the space. It is a daft one but I suppose it reflects more of a concern about 'upsetting the balance'. But I seem to recall feeling like this when I was pregnant with dd1, that I was somehow about to reap chaos on ds1's little life.

There is also something else I am worried about and I am aware this sounds a bit strange but things are good at the mo, and I have suffered from mild depression in the past. I am worried that by making something come true that I really want, something will go wrong. God that sounds stupid when I write it down but I am not sure how else to explain it. Also both my children are happy and healthy. Am I tempting fate in some way by wishing for a third child? What if something happened to the third, it would be all my fault. I hope that comes across ok, and not offensive in any way. I am just really worried that I am about to introduce complete chaos into what is a very happy family at the mo.

However, having said all that I really want a third because I don't like the neatness of 2 dc. I think I am just voicing all my worries here.

I am ovulating right now though and it is taking all my strength not to jump my dh. Good job he's working late

OP posts:

Original poster

luckywinner · 25/02/2009 13:45

Ignore all I put above. Dh said last night he wasn't sure anymore and that he was worried about his job due to this lovely recession we are experiencing.

I feel v . Despite all my reservations above I was starting to feel quite excited about it.

I have no idea how to try to convince him. My dh is such a worrier about money that this is possibly the worse thing he could be worrying about. My view is there is no way of knowing whether he will get made redundant. I can't predict the future so there is no point worrying about it.

Bugger bugger bugger.

Anyone got any ideas on how to persuade him otherwise?

OP posts:

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