Dh has finally said yes to 3...but what the hell have I done?!

[luckywinner]

I have spent the past 9 months persuading him that 3 is a good idea. He has thrown all the practicalities at me, money, flat, car etc, but now he has said yes! And all I can think is eek!

I am very excited but now equally terrified. What have I done? Will I upset the beautiful relaltionship ds and dd have? Will I bring chaos into our house by having a third? Will we have no money? Will I be too tired?

Help me! Please reassure me that 3 is the magic number.

[NellyTheElephant]

I have 3 (two DDs aged 4 and 2 and DS aged nearly 6 weeks). After I had DD2 I just knew IMMEDIATELY that I wanted a third (kind of secret wish for no.3 to be a boy, which is what happened, but DH and I would have been very happy with a 3rd DD too). I do think this broody feeling might have had a tiny bit to do with DD2 being the easiest sunniest happiest baby ever. She slotted in without a ripple to our lives! So, now here I am with my much wanted DS and yes, I couldn't be happier but my GOD am I on my knees with exhaustion!! The DDs adore him, but even that causes problems (fights over who should put his dummy in or blanket on or kiss him etc etc), he is not easy in the way DD2 was (cries a fair bit, wants to be held the whole time and doesn't sleep nearly as well at night as either of the DDs did). So yes, it's really really tough at the moment, but who cares about all that in the great scheme of things?? It's an endurance excercise in the early days and in a few months we'll be through all the worst of the exhaustion and I am so so happy that we decided to go for it and have a third. I feel my family is 'right' now. I had always wanted more than 2 (I used to want 4, but am revising that...........).

GoddessBlossom, if you are thinking about it every day I'd say do it - and quickly!! The longer you leave it the more held back you will be by the new baby. I always think by the time they are 2.5 / 3 you are sort of 'free'. No longer constrained by naps, buggies, nappies etc and they have a v small amount of rational thought and sort of obey instructions.

[catnipkitty]

Hi

We have 3 at the moment. All girls, 5yr old plus 4 yr old twins. It has been so lovely watching them grow up so far together, 3 has been a fab number...tho we are now having exactly the same dilemmas as you about having no 4 . I don't think you would ever regret having another child, you just cope with the situations and you will be absolutely fine!

Cx

[TheGoddessBlossom]

Found this thread last night. I am in this quandary right now. Dh has agreed, finally, to the idea of it, although I have neer pushed too hard as I am not sure myself. I'm just not sure I DON'T want another.

Have 2 DSs, 2 and a half and 4 and a half. Both will be at school by next Sept. Have been back at work for about a year and love it. Life is easier by the day. Sleep is fine, they eat well, no buggy, no nappies, can leave the house at the drop of hat (well nearly!)

I do want another child in theory. But if I am being completely honest and pragmatic, I really don't think DH could cope. He is not the most patient man, and not the most natural father to babies. He is starting to come into his own now that the boys are getting bigger and join in in jobs round the garden, fishing, football etc. He can't cope with puke, poo, screaming. The stress in our house and in our marriage is less now that we don't have to creep around trying not to wake the baby, argue over who's had the most/least sleep, argue over who does the most childcare (I do but mind less now that it is easier).

Knowing all this as I do, is it really fair to up the stress and tension levels again by going back to square one with a newborn? And could I cope with it all again anyway?

With rose tinted specs and after a few glasses of wine we both agree it would be nice to have a bigger family, we discuss names, we agree that Dh might mellow if he had a daughter for example, he agrees he's have to do more with the boys. But in the cold light of day are we just kidding ourselves.

Like a previous poster, I also think about this everday...

[Tummytuckrequired]

I have been trying to persuade my DH for the last 3 years to have another one! I have a DD aged 4 and a DS aged 3 and the answer is always a firm No! .

He is worried about the money (we both work but we do not have an extravagant lifestyle by any means) he is worried about losing our life (we are just getting it back even though I hate to admit it)and he wants his personal life back in the near futue when they get older.

He keeps on asking me to provide a rational argument as to why we should have a third and I have no "logical" answers. He feels by saying I want another is like saying I am not satisified with my own children which is not the case. I can't explain it the thought of it really dominates my conversation etc.. whether I am aware of it or not. I really feel one more would add to the family but I can't do it on my own (well I could but you know what I mean...)

[mumnosbest]

That's great to hear and tbh I've never met a mum or dad of 3 who regrets it

[Disenchanted3]

I moaned at DH for 6 months to have baby number 3!

When I found out I was pregnant, after a few days, I shit myself! I was TERRIFIED! I spent most of my pregnancy being sick and worrying,

but having 3 is FAB

its no different.

I love it.

3 is perfect!

[mumnosbest]

I'm still undecided though and hoping for that happy accident!

[mumnosbest]

Was talking to a friend about this yesterday and we nearly convinced ourselves to go for it (but that was yesterday). We both have 2 DC, 1 of each but still want another.Here's what we came up with:
1)You're definately gonna have at least 2 same sex, so room sharing isn't a problem and is actually quite fun.
2)If you leave a bit of a gap between 1&2 and 3, then 3 will be the baby, so will be special not odd one out.
3)It won't cost much more as you've got all the stuff you need.
4)Cars can generally fit 2 seats and a booster in the middle.
5)it's another playmate.

Thought of loads more too. Also days out are changing. I've been looking into outings for Easter and have been amazed at the different family tickets, e.g. single parent + 3 children, OAP's + 2 or 3 children, 2 adults + 2 or 3 children. Things are looking up

[newpup]

So it is not just us girls who think about it then!?

[ABetaDad]

newpup (and others) - my wife occassionally says "ooh shall we have a third". I always say a very firm NO and that I am happy with two DSs. Then she usually sort of cuddles up to me gives me a sort of 'cow eyed look' and says "but do you not want a little girl". To which I always say NO and then she sort of pouts a bit in a sort of jokey way.

I think she does it to make me say no so that she does not have to decide but I do worry she might get serious about it one day. She does occassionally hold the 'threat' of getting pregnant with a third one just in case I get uppity with myself. She says a third one would be good for me and it would snap me out of my 'grumpy old man' routine.

I have recently told her I am considering the snip - although she insisted I should do no such thing - and now I am left wondering why .

[newpup]

Such a relief that I am not the only one who tortures herself with this!!!

My Dds are both at school, I could go to work if I wanted. We can have nice holidays and meals out etc. Will most likely send the girls to private school for secondary education and can give them all they need. But will I regret not having another child later on.

My mother had 3 of us and although I love my siblings, it was not easy growing up. My parents could not really afford 3 children and we missed out on a lot of things our friends, who were in 2 child families, got to have. My parents were both from large families so 3 was a small family to them! However, maybe it is telling that I have two children, my sister only wanted one and my brother none!

But although in my head I say, stick with two. I can not help feeling that one is missing!!! I almost wish DH would say he did not want any more and then it is decided for me!

[luckywinner]

Just seen your post sorky.
Really really? Is 3 too odd?
Because there is no way on earth I would ever get my dh to ever even consider a 4th

[luckywinner]

I had completely forgotten about this thread and came onto this topic tonight for some mumsnet wisdom as the same old questions are going round in my head and here were lots of lovely new messages!

Moshimoshi (love your name btw!) things haven't really changed. dh is hovering between maybe and yes. I have started taking folic acid just in case! Who knows what is going to happen. I get broody then I get scared.

I feel the same as you Newpup. Although my dc are still quite little (3 and 2) I am now finished with the nappies and almost done with pushchairs and I just don't know if I can go backwards.

I would like another child, but not another baby if that makes sense. If someone could fast forward the first 6 months I would be much happier. I just don't like it.

Jojay I think I posted on your thread. We seem to go around in circles!

I am just so worried I would regret having another baby as things are pretty good at the mo, but like you, newpup, my family just doesn't feel complete.

A friend of mine told me about one of her friends the other day who managed to persuade her dh to have the third, and when he was born she struggled quite a bit with feeding and feeling tired etc and his response to her was, don't come moaning to me, you're the one who wanted another one .

[castlesintheair]

3 is great as long as you can by-pass the toddler bit with no.3

[sorkycakey]

chaos...yes
tired....likely
is 3 the magic number?.....no, it's an odd number and you'll go on to have 4

[newpup]

Holidays, cars, tickets, everything is geared for the traditional family of four. I suppose part of it, for me ,is that my parents always used having three as an excuse not to do things. "We have 3 of you to consider"
" Not possible with 3" etc.

Although we are in a considerably better financial position than my parents I still hear those words in my head!

[Jojay]

I agree - it's strange how people assume you'll have two, but if you say that you're considering number three, they look at you as if you are completely barking!

My friend who has decided to stick with one says the same though, two is definitely the socially acceptable norm.

[Heated]

It's strange how no 2 ia so automatic, yet no 3 isn't.

[newpup]

Really hard! Had lunch with a very pregnant with number three friend last week. I was so excited about the idea of a new baby but then again do I want three children or another baby?

Love the idea of getting together a nursery and bringing home a newborn but can not imagine another child in our family. Part of me says just get pregnant and then all will fall into place but I was one of three and it definately was not all rosy!

I like the lifestyle we lead now. Took the DDs to New York last year and had a ball. Off to the Caribbean next month and love the fact we can do those things now.

I live in a house I love, have 2 wonderful, healthy, bright DDs. Do I really need to add another or would I love the adventure? Oh I give up, maybe I will never get that absolute feeling about it!

[Jojay]

I'm so unsure too.

I have 2 Ds's - 2.4 and 5 months, so still very much at the baby stage.

It seems awful to admit it but I'd love a daughter. I couldn't love my boys any more than I do and wouldn't swap them for anything, but I'm finding it hard to accept that I may experience the mother / daughter thing. It's not the pink fluffy stuff I want, more the companionship that seems to exist more commonly between adult daughters and their mothers, though I realise I'm making huge assumptions here.

I'd be very happy with 3 boys though - I've been very lucky and so far have conceived easily, had good pregnancies and have produced 2 gorgeous healthy boys, so part of me thinks, why rock the boat, I've got so much already.

DH isn't convinced on no.3, though I could probably talk him round.

What I'd really like is a happy accident, then I wouldn't like to think so much and would just get on with it.

But then I see my heavily pregnant friends and feel so glad that I'm not pregnant any more and probably never will be again.

It's SO hard isn't it?

[mumnosbest]

Think I'm gonna leave it to fate. Never that careful with my pill, so if there were an 'accident' it would be a happy one.

How about you luckywinner any change?

[Funnybunnyyumyum]

Think about if you don't go for it. Will you regret it in 10 years time? Do it!

[mumnosbest]

My dcs are 1 and 4 so still doing the baby bit (kind of) but I worry that even if I had another maybe I'd still feel broody when I see babies and pg women. Like you say most places, cars etc are all based around a family of 4

[newpup]

mumnosbest. I know how you feel. We have 2 DDs, 9 (almost 10) and 7. Dh would love another but says if I do not want another, that is fine too. I really do not know what to do. I am 34 so not exactly over the hill but always assumed as we started our family young I would have all my children by the time I was 35! I think, for me, it is the age gap, it is over 7 years since I was pregant and sleepless nights and nappies seem so long ago!!!

I love the lifestyle we lead now, we can just decide to take the Dds out for dinner or go away for the weekend and we would have to go back to the baby stage again. I know this only lasts for a while but am thinking planning with 3 is harder than the traditional 2 adults, 2 children family.

However, I do not feel as if my family is complete yet and would hate to regret not having another child, later on!

I think about it every day.

[mumnosbest]

Interesting!
I have 2, one of each, perfect little family ... but so want another! Pretty sure DH could be convinced and would love a little 'accident' but too unsure to actually ttc. Why change things when they're already good? Is it just greedy and me being v.broody?
Watching with interest, in the hope of being convinced one way or the other