Third child or new house?

[thecolourmonster]

Firstly, well aware of the fact I'm in a privileged position with two good choices here.

I have two DC aged 2 and 10 months. Only 16 months between the two. In my heart of hearts I know I would love another- ideally with another close age gap. The problem is our house. We live in a small terrace with three double bedrooms. I know we could make that work with three children, but our downstairs is tiny (small living room, small kitchen/diner and that's it for the downstairs).

Our original plan was to move to a bigger house this year- but are both now feeling we would like a third child sooner rather than later. Both DC are currently in an excellent but v expensive nursery 3 days a week, costing us £2000 a month. We could afford to put DC3 in nursery as well but not if we had a bigger mortgage.

Would you move house now, and wait to have a third child later on? Or just live in the smaller house and move in a few years time?

I could quit my job as childcare already costs more than my salary, so we'd actually be better off if I did that, but I love my job and don't want to lose it!

Also so I don't drip feed- I know when DC1 turns three next year we'll get some funded hours, but we'll only get 15 as DH earns a good salary, so it will make a difference but it won't be a huge difference.

Anyone have any advice?

Your DH earns an excellent salary, so I presume you can long term afford three kids. I would have another now and not wait. The age gap will be with you forever, you will long term forget the inconvenience of having had to squeeze into a perfectly adequately sized house for a few years.

So your DH earns more than £100k/year? Hence no entitlement to 30h funded childcare or tax free childcare.

You must live in a very expensive area and/or have very high outgoings.

If you have 3 under 4, it would probably make more financial sense to get a nanny than paying for 3 nursery places. Have you looked into the cost of that?

The obvious answer is to wait until your oldest starts primary school, but if you want another small gap you probably won't want to wait that long.

I think you might need to go through your finances with a fine tooth comb and work out where you can save. MSE is great for that stuff. See if you can afford to move (or extend if that's an option?) and have a third child too.

Child now, get a bigger house when done with nursery fees.

House then baby just in case you end up not moving.

I'd have a baby and move when at least the oldest of the dc is in full time school and nursery bills drop.

You have 3 double bedrooms, you may not be swinging lots of cats around but you have space to swing a couple!

So you have one child 26 months starting school September 2024, one child 10 months starting school September 2026. If you got pregnant now, this month, the baby would be due in October 2022. A year off (?) and then you’re back in October 2023, only one year to cover, and you could definitely use a nanny (can’t be much more than £2k for 3 days a week) plus the free preschool hours for your youngest to achieve that. You’ll need wraparound and holidays anyway for school so it may not end up much cheaper?

@AnotherEmma

So your DH earns more than £100k/year? Hence no entitlement to 30h funded childcare or tax free childcare.

You must live in a very expensive area and/or have very high outgoings.

If you have 3 under 4, it would probably make more financial sense to get a nanny than paying for 3 nursery places. Have you looked into the cost of that?

The obvious answer is to wait until your oldest starts primary school, but if you want another small gap you probably won't want to wait that long.

I think you might need to go through your finances with a fine tooth comb and work out where you can save. MSE is great for that stuff. See if you can afford to move (or extend if that's an option?) and have a third child too.

Yes he earns quite a bit over that, and yes we live in a ludicrously expensive area.

A nanny is a sensible option. We love the nursery though. Definitely worth looking into the nanny option though, thank you.

@CaramelWaferAndTea

So you have one child 26 months starting school September 2024, one child 10 months starting school September 2026. If you got pregnant now, this month, the baby would be due in October 2022. A year off (?) and then you’re back in October 2023, only one year to cover, and you could definitely use a nanny (can’t be much more than £2k for 3 days a week) plus the free preschool hours for your youngest to achieve that. You’ll need wraparound and holidays anyway for school so it may not end up much cheaper?

I'm a teacher so thankfully we don't need to pay for childcare during the holidays.

@MostNamesAreTaken

Your DH earns an excellent salary, so I presume you can long term afford three kids. I would have another now and not wait. The age gap will be with you forever, you will long term forget the inconvenience of having had to squeeze into a perfectly adequately sized house for a few years.

This is my thinking too, thank you. The problem is that our downstairs is SO tiny!!

Child now. Who knows what's around the corner.

Imo I wouldn’t have a third if you want to work. As a teacher I’m sure you’re well aware the amount of time one child in school will take (reading, phonics, online games etc) - how could you give three children that time whilst working Yourself?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Imo I wouldn’t have a third if you want to work. As a teacher I’m sure you’re well aware the amount of time one child in school will take (reading, phonics, online games etc) - how could you give three children that time whilst working Yourself?

Really? So should all families with three children have one stay at home parent in your opinion?

My mum worked full time and had three children- we all did really well in school/with reading etc so don't think it affected us. I only work three days a week!

@thecolourmonster

I'd go for a 3rd then move in 3 years when the nursery bills are less

I have three in a small 3 bed terrace. It's been fine but my youngest has just turned three and now it's starting to feel a bit small so we are moving. I'm biased, but I would go for your third now and move later. As a PP said, the pain is temporary but you'll have that age gap forever

My kids are now 3, 6 and 8. I work and manage to somehow support three children. Must be magic, hey!

Perhaps you need to move to a less expensive area then?

Crazy to think that a couple with one person earning significantly over £100k can't afford 3 kids and a big enough house.

Are there debts? Other than the mortgage I mean.

Have the baby sooner and move later.

Young DC can share rooms etc and the housing market is very unstable at the moment. Small houses are good for being minimalist and cleaning is quick.

Will you want to move for school catchment?

No other debts at all. DH needs quick and easy access into London though so moving to cheaper area not really an option.

It's the childcare costs that the killer really. With only two children in nursery the bank takes off £200,000 what they'll lend us. So a third one would be a bit crippling (so like previous posters suggested I could look into a nanny instead).

@RandomMess

Have the baby sooner and move later.

Young DC can share rooms etc and the housing market is very unstable at the moment. Small houses are good for being minimalist and cleaning is quick.

Will you want to move for school catchment?

Luckily our catchment primary is good and the local parents speak well of it, which is one reason why we bought this house. It's not on paper the 'best' primary in our town, but that's ok.

You’re a teacher and your husband earns 100k plus?! Bloody hell have a third and quit work until your second is at school!

@thecolourmonster

Also so I don't drip feed- I know when DC1 turns three next year we'll get some funded hours, but we'll only get 15 as DH earns a good salary, so it will make a difference but it won't be a huge difference.

How much does he actually earn? You are probably eligible unless he is earning mega bucks.

@Wineisoverrated

You’re a teacher and your husband earns 100k plus?! Bloody hell have a third and quit work until your second is at school!

I know, this seems like the obvious thing. And I'm aware lots of people might read this and feel jealous, as lots of parents would love to be able to afford to quit their job, and for us it would actually be the cheaper option (in the short term).

The problem is that I LOVE my job. And I love the school I teach in.

Could you not give up work and do both? I would in your situation. Once the children are all at school you can go back to work as no childcare fees.