Third child or new house?

[thecolourmonster]

Firstly, well aware of the fact I'm in a privileged position with two good choices here.

I have two DC aged 2 and 10 months. Only 16 months between the two. In my heart of hearts I know I would love another- ideally with another close age gap. The problem is our house. We live in a small terrace with three double bedrooms. I know we could make that work with three children, but our downstairs is tiny (small living room, small kitchen/diner and that's it for the downstairs).

Our original plan was to move to a bigger house this year- but are both now feeling we would like a third child sooner rather than later. Both DC are currently in an excellent but v expensive nursery 3 days a week, costing us £2000 a month. We could afford to put DC3 in nursery as well but not if we had a bigger mortgage.

Would you move house now, and wait to have a third child later on? Or just live in the smaller house and move in a few years time?

I could quit my job as childcare already costs more than my salary, so we'd actually be better off if I did that, but I love my job and don't want to lose it!

We'll get 15 funded hours as they aren't means tested. Anyone who earns over 100k (rightly) loses the right to the 30 funded hours.

@thecolourmonster

We'll get 15 funded hours as they aren't means tested. Anyone who earns over 100k (rightly) loses the right to the 30 funded hours.

That's right. Could you go part time to save on nursery fees?

I already work part time and it still costs us £2000 a month! I'm effectively paying £500 a month to go to work at the moment.

I'm a teacher and am now in the position where 3/4 DC are at my (private) school. DC1 has additional needs so attends a specialist school.

I had my 4DC in 6 years so that this 'phase' would be finished ASAP.

The house can wait....

Really? So should all families with three children have one stay at home parent in your opinion? yes imo- raising kids with full time jobs is very hard, every time you add a child you make it harder. I also think, despite being a teacher, people are oblivious to how much time a school age child needs from their parents. Preschoolers don’t require anywhere near as much focus and time. Throw in after school activities and play dates I wouldn’t have more than 3 if working, let alone working in a job where you take work home with you.

Baby now and move later, I think you’ll regret moving and then starting again with a bigger age gap.

Baby now and move later. You will be fine while the kids are young. We have 3 kids and stretched ourselves to buy a 5 bedroom house but all 3 kids prefer to sleep together in 1 bed every night lol.

@CallMeK

Baby now and move later. You will be fine while the kids are young. We have 3 kids and stretched ourselves to buy a 5 bedroom house but all 3 kids prefer to sleep together in 1 bed every night lol.

This is good to know, thank you.

It's not really the bedrooms so much that we're worried about though. It's our downstairs space which is minuscule. And already feels claustrophobic with toddler toys and baby stuff, even though I try to be as ruthless as possible with it!

OP my husband earns way more than me, and I work 4 days a week in a job that I love - I’ve just gone back after our third child. Sometimes the juggle of work/home drives us mad but I wouldn’t want to lose the ‘me’ that I am at work! It sounds like you might feel the same - if so, ignore all the people telling you to leave your job. It might make sense financially in the very short term but not longer term. I’d have a third now, keep working, move when you can. As the older two get bigger, the clutter reduces (a bit! - or at least moves up to their bedrooms!)

PS might be worth reframing it - you aren’t paying £500 a month to go to work. Your husband and you are paying £2000 a month between you…it’s not just balanced against your salary!

Keep your job,
more money for bigger house etc once they past the first years childcare
You don't need to move .
Your salary and pension is important
Three kids holidays uni etc
Think long term

Definitely have third child. Then weigh up options around moving.

I can't quite understand why there isn't a more affordable housing option that still allows DH easy access to work.

If you pause on another DC & it doesn't then happen, it'll be a real regret for you.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Really? So should all families with three children have one stay at home parent in your opinion? yes imo- raising kids with full time jobs is very hard, every time you add a child you make it harder. I also think, despite being a teacher, people are oblivious to how much time a school age child needs from their parents. Preschoolers don’t require anywhere near as much focus and time. Throw in after school activities and play dates I wouldn’t have more than 3 if working, let alone working in a job where you take work home with you.

A nanny can cover all that, perhaps also homework tutor as well After school clubs Being present at evenings and weekends etc

@thecolourmonster

I already work part time and it still costs us £2000 a month! I'm effectively paying £500 a month to go to work at the moment.

No you are not Childcare is joint expense How much is being paid into pension and NI each month? That counts long term Look at your payslip , look how much is going into pension?

Embracelife (and other before) have nailed it. Stop judging nursery costs against just your salary and only part of it at that.

Extra child now if you are set on it and house move later. You may adjust want you want in the interests of primary/secondary school catchment areas anyway and forecasting now what their ofsted reports will be yrs from now is challenging.

Def keep your job for many reasons esp given its three days a week! You would be mad to give that up

No judgement on the £100k from me. Paying for a £40k gross incl NI nanny or nursery x 3 after tax is a mammoth bill. You'll be fine but you won't feel terribly rich nor have any/lots of flash holidays. You are unlikely to have to chose between food and heat though so for many you'll be very well off. It's easy to feel poor in a pricy area of London but that same location will give hidden benefits like better schools and council facilities etc that your children will do well out of esp when little

New house.