3rd boy - response from grandparents?

[ilovewinterpansies]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my DS3. My first two boys are 4 and 2.

Always thought I wanted one of each but can genuinely say I love having all boys and am delighted to be adding another. I'm sure I would have been happy with a girl too - either way I'm just grateful to be having another healthy child.

Just told my in laws and their response has pissed me off so much. I knew they'd be negative but even so - to get a "oh no another one" from my FIL and a "a daughter is good to talk to when you're older" from my MIL, along with almost disgusted faces is quite hurtful. It's their grandchild after all. I feel so protective of my unborn child and for this to be met with such obvious disappointment is horrible.

Please can someone tell me I'm being oversensitive and hormonal. I'm so cross. The irony is that they have 2 daughters and a son (my husband) and if I had daughters like my sisters in law I would want to throw myself off a cliff.

Thanks lumberjack. I just think that they're insensitive and a bit stupid really. I know they don't mean it in a vindictive way but it doesn't excuse their lack of awareness.

Some people just have no social skills I guess!! As DH says, this is why he doesn't get on with them and why they have no friends. Sad but true (and same can be said for one of my SIL who is a chip off the old block).

It's like the drains and radiators saying - surround yourself with life's radiators. Stay away from life's drains. I also use the Harry Potter analogy of dementors - sucking all of the joy out of everyone who comes near. My in laws are a gang of dementors and my DH is a radiator who has managed to escape!!

I feel for you OP. I have 4 boys and have heard so many ridiculous comments from my own parents, in-laws, friends and random people on the street about how "disappointed" I must be.

Please try not to let it get to you, I think that most of the time people just really don't think about what they are saying and they don't mean to offend.

In all honesty I have had times when I have myself wished for a girl (I hate to admit it) and so I can kind of understand where the thoughtless comments come from. I am 100% happy though with my 4 beautiful, healthy, happy and full of life boys and i am sure your in-laws will be too once your DS3 arrives.

" MIL had been pressuring for it to be a girl ever since we told her we are expecting. "

Um, she knows that pressure makes no difference to chromosomes, right??

Sorry she has upset you.

OP - I've just read your update. Your MiL sounds just awful, can't she see that she is upsetting you?

They sound like a nightmare.

At least your DS has an awesome Mum and Dad who will stand up for him at every turn! I have boy, boy, girl and would have been thrilled with all boys since the first two were so excellent. They're each a person in their own right, not a sex/gender. Most normal human beings understand that, sorry your in-laws don't seem to.

She sounds a bit bonkers. Well at least your other SIL knows what is expected of her. Unfortunately you can bet that if she does get a granddaughter she will be trying to hive her off and dress her in pretty pink dresses. Nothing wrong with that if that is what they like but my sister was keen to but my girls didn't conform to her idea of what they should wear because they are individuals with their own likes and expectations. I reckon your child has had a lucky escape.

I have 4ds. Dh has had a vasectomy so no more here.

When I announced ds4 was another boy the nasty comments came thick and fast. From MIL to DH "oh no you must be so disappointed are you ok with it" What the actual fuck 😡😡😡
One of our mutual friends "poor beautician".
My mum "You will never have a girl how awful. I would have hated not having a daughter".
Numerous strangers in shops, on days out etc "how do you cope. Four boys what hard work".

When I had my scan with ds4 I did have a twinge of disappointment. Not that he was a boy but that I knew I would never have a girl. Now I don't think about having a girl I love my all boy team and when people make their rude comments I'm now ruder back it makes me feel good especially when I make them feel bad for their comments.

My older boys fight (don't all children) but generally they are a lovely bunch with great manners and they always make me smile. Enjoy being a mum of all boys I think there's something quite special about having all the same sex.

So sorry to hear this Op.

They are super insensitive and very rude too boot. Jeez why can't they just be thankful for wonderful blessing.

Don't get drawn in and think about and boil inwardly. That's what I did with similar inlaws and it is like dementers stealing your joy. Even if you make good outwardly it is very easy to dwell on it.

Be breezy, rise above it but be very clear and don't bow to their negativity. Enjoy your blessings in life.

My FiL said "oh, that's a shame" when we told him ds2 was a boy. That is ALL he said. We are considering having a third now, I know he will make a twattish comment whether it's a girl or boy.

Nope not at all
I feel pissed off for you!

And now reading your update my god!

It will deflate. I've had many a time with my parents on law including her chasing me down the driveway once! Hope that gave you a giggle

You will laugh it off and reaslise how unbelievably idiotic people can be

Meanwhile congratulations!!! Amazing for you as a family and those little trio will be so much fun!

I have 3 ds and my fil kept going on about how wonderful it was to have a girl and has been very hurtful to dh about how fathers are naturally closer to daughters, just like he was to dh's sister!

He is a nice man but he is also a twat who reads and believes the daily mail so we just ignore him on quite a few topics now.

There are sooooooo many more important things about a new life than their gender. It's a child, a whole new person to love and have fun with. Gender is largely irrelevant IMO.

Congrats op!

I was worried in pregnancy that DS3 would be 'just another boy' to all the grandparents although to be fair none expressed disappointment at his gender. But, as babies tend to, he drew in the love of all his extended family with no effort. He is 4.5 yrs now and in terms of being the third boy, there is a wonderful solidarity in them being 3 sibling boys and also 3 of a gender are quite distinctive-people at school seem to know them more readily and it's like minor fame for them being one of the Bythe brothers....noticed it with the two sets of 3-girl-sibs at school too - more readily recognised than other sib sets! The kids seem to like it and find it fun. Hope your baby is welcomed when he arrives and the grandparents get over it. Please don't let them ruin your joy. I feel so blessed every day to be mother to 3 glorious boys!!

My DM was 'gutted' (her words) to be gaining a third healthy grandson when SIL was pregnant. I already had two DS. "Oh for a little girl" she once sighed when DS2 didn't want a hug. They're teenagers now but I've never forgotten.

ilove I have 5DSs and my SMIL was convinced we only had 5 children because I wanted a girl... how wrong she was/still is!!
My DH and I just wanted a happy, healthy, big family and are not particularly worried we don't have any girls.

When I was pregnant with my first son I was tiny, only had a high up bump and nothing else and was very sick for 9 months, apparently these are all signs it's a girl well.. no it's not!!
They came to see him when he was a few hours old and then she left the hospital telling everyone I didn't really want him as he wasn't a girl... that still really hurts 17 years later!

When our 4th & 5th DSs were born it took them days if not weeks to come and see them, it definitely seemed to be because they were just more boys!!

I love my boys to death, they are so kind, loving and considerate. Yes, they bicker and fight at times but that's life and I'm pretty sure girls would too.

I would never put up with that sort of comments now, really wish I hadn't done for all those years!!