Advice - considering number 4!

[babyblabber]

I know no one can answer this for me but hoping those of you with 4 or more can be honest and tell me what it's really like!

We have 3 age 5, 3 and 6 months. Am thinking if we go for another I'd like to do it soon so the youngest two are close in age & stages! Already I feel bad that we don't get to do some stuff we used to with the older ones as we've the baby so I don't want to prolong that for years.

What I'm worried about is stretching myself too thin. DS is in school now so has birthday parties & play dates at the weekend, as well as swimming class and he wants to start football. Some weekends are quiet, others we're driving him from one thing to another. I already think it'll be mental when the other 2 get to school so what's 4 like?!! We could have 4 different classes, 4 different birthday parties etc all on a Saturday for example! And midweek all the different drop off and collection times with after school activities etc (our local schools are not mixed so boys in one school, girls in another down the road).

In terms of travelling is 4 very different to 3? (If we can even afford holidays with 4!). For example when they're bigger I guess we can rent normal saloon cars on holidays with 3, not with 4 though. What about hotel rooms, is it way easier to accommodate 2 adults, 3 kids?

There are other concerns, finances, my work etc but they are particular to me so just looking for honest (be brutal) advice on any big difference you noticed once you became a family of 6!

Babyroobs, thank you so much for your post. That is exactly the kind of honest info I was looking for. I defo think I could handle a 4th baby/small child but what I'm worried about is when they are older, my oldest is nearly 6so I have no clue what parenting a 10 year old is like, let alone a teenager or 4! You have given me a lot of food for thought. Last few days I've flipped again to thinking 3 is enough although if money wasn't an issue I'd defo have another. I just need to think about it some more. Stopping at 3 makes so much sense so I have to get my head to convince my heart!

Sorry for the loss of your mum and mother in law.

Hope I haven't put you off completely or been too negative! There are some positives, the 3 boys are good company for each other and I hope they will be close when they are older. I never really intended to have 4 ( last 2 were unplanned). I think I managed reasonably well when they were young even with 4 under seven I managed to work part time and keep a career going but then I did have my mum around who helped a lot. It just seems to have got harder as they get older in some ways and I sometimes feel like I'm failing them ( especially youngest ds who is very quiet and introverted and tends to get overlooked because he doesn't really demand any attention !). I think I just feel despondent at the moment as no matter how many hours we work and both having reasonably paid jobs we just can't afford to give them the things and experiences that we want to. I am already panicking about University and the prospect of having 2 kids at Uni for the next decade ( that is if they all want to go !). It just seems unachievable to help them as much as I'd like. Also I am 47, DH 51 and Dh isn't in good health with a chronic condition which will likely get worse with age, and I do feel guilty that he has to deal with so much running around on his weekend off.
Good luck in whatever you decide, as I said before if you have a good support network then a big family can be great.

No you haven't been too negative at all. I'm one of four so I know the benefits, but I really need to think about the reality and whether it's practical for us. There are so many reasons not to have another but I've been obsessed with having another for the last few months! Literally in the last few days I think I'm coming around to the idea of staying with 3. I wonder is it hormones, I breastfed DD2 until about two months ago, maybe it takes this long for things to settle down!

Hi! Thanks for the brutally honest post re: teenagers....three will be bad enough, let alone four!

And I'm still here, and still waiting for my period... Eek!!

Sorry, me again! Still no period and it is definitely late now, by a couple of days. Probably because I'm obsessing over it!! Argh. Save me from myself!

Any news yet Zippidy? have you tested? (I've n/c, I used to be Malta!)

Well I did test yesterday and it was negative. Started feeling a bit sick today though... And dp said "you're pregnant!" So we'll see if he's right, ha! Will be in town later so might pick up a first response or something. Hmm! How are you?

definitely get a first response - they are the only test i ever got a positive with. clearblue still had negatives when i was 6 weeks with twins!!

I'm doing a bit better, feeling more positive about life than my previous thread!! approaching 25 weeks now so need to get out of my denial bubble about this whole DC4 thing!!

Thanks for the reply! Glad you're feeling better! We all have down days, whether we have 1 kid or 8!

Am itching to test again though I know I should wait til the morning!

What were the reactions of your friends and family when you told them you were having a fourth?

Omg, tested and negative again! I'm like a dog with a bone.

how late are you zippidy ?

actually, all except my evil MIL were very excited and not all that surprised!! guess I was worrying about nothing! my DM was very shocked but now she is super excited and busy suggesting baby names! MIL refuses to even acknowledge that I'm pregnant but tbh, I'm not sure that's a bad thing!!

Hi! That's good news! Now that I've quit my job I supposd it wouldn't come as much of a surprise here, either, but think our parents will worry about how we'd cope!

So I'm now 4-5 days late and bfn. Driving me mad as I feel really nauseous this morning too

I have 4 boys aged 10 - 15. Family just didn't feel finished after 3, but as soon as I had 4 it felt like the right number, I knew I was done. When they were little it was definitely hard and exhausting but I did find DS4 just slotted in and had to adapt his eating/sleeping around the others. Maybe that's why he's always been such an easy adaptable kid!

Now they're older it's easier in some ways and harder in some. They all do lots of after school and weekend activities, rarely the same ones, but I try to let them do what they want if I possibly can, because I don't want them to be limited by my family choices. Throw in 4 lots of birthday parties and our lives need to be organised with military precision (and lots of lift swapping with other parents). There is a lot of hanging around at pools, sports grounds, music rehearsals etc esp for younger ones, but I take plenty of snacks and readers or homework (or electronics if feeling less virtuous)

I'm a SAHM tho - which allows me time during school day for cleaning, shopping, dog-walking, dinner preparation, tea-drinking and thought-collecting. I couldn't do this and work outside the home too, it would be impossibly stressful for me (DH works long, irregular and unpredictable hours at a stressful job)

Bottom line, it's noisy, busy, chaotic and fun! And I wouldn't want it any other way!

Hi again! Well, af arrived for me this week and dp and I aren't sure if we'll try again or not!! I suggested we give it a few months. Such. Difficult decision!

I have four. The last was unplanned and whilst I would never change things now, if I was going to actively make the decision I would think very carefully about it. My four are 10,8,5 and v nearly 3. My fourth didn't just slot in. She has been the most demanding by far. She still has not slept through the night. I coped okay when she was little but as the bigger ones are getting older I am finding it hard to juggle all their needs. It is very tricky to do things as a family - lots of activities are not suitable for the wide age range. I feel that all the dc miss out. We can never just "pop" anywhere and it is hard to find someone to look after all 4 so dh and I never go out together. It is also very expensive. We spend a small fortune on kids activities. Even just popping into town for coffee as a treat works out at £20. Holidays are designed for families of 4. This summer we had to split up for a large part of our summer holiday as the hotel couldn't fit us all in one room.I am a SAHP but i don't think it will ever be possible for me to go back to a career. I am (sort of) at peace with this but again I feel sad that I am not providing them with good role model. I guess I just feel like I am failing them all.
I know I sound very negative but I am finding life incredibly hard right now. I do however love my dc to pieces and wouldn't change them for the world. We do have moments of pure joy and I am sure that they will all learn different things from being one of four. Good luck!

Just found out I am expecting no.4, done a test yesterday so only early days. Due around July 2016

Congratulations Tsoto!

I'm lurking as I would love a 4th, but DH is definitely not on board, so trying to talk myself out of it!

Congrats tsoto.

I'm still not sure what I want! Not on contraception but turns out having 3 kids while doing up a new house is pretty good contraception itself!!!!

Thanks both. Seen midwife on Thursday just waiting for my scan date which I'm really looking forward to

We have 4, aged 12, 10, 6 and 3 months. At the moment it feels incredibly hard. My oldest two have lots of football/music/brownies etc. during the week and at weekends. My wife is a SAHM but I have a busy job with a long commute. The jump from 3 to 4 is quite an adjustment and I do worry I am not paying them enough attention individually. It is also very expensive and I need to buy a bigger car etc. at some point soon.

Having said that our 3 month old is a delight and I couldn't imagine being without him. I think we'll definitely stop at 4 though!