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how do you keep on top of things.
30

candygirl78 · 28/06/2013 22:02

I have 3 dc. 9, 8 and an 8month old.
Dh doesn't really contribute much to childcare and housework, cooking, laundry etc. He seems to think this is my job as I sahm.
However, I never seem to be on top of things. Baby is frequently waking in night and I am not keeping on top of things.
How do you cope?Is your partner hands on?

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catherine19 · 28/06/2013 23:29

Does dh not do things at weekends either? Do the older to dc help they are old enough to do there own room and help out with dishes etc.
We hav an agreement that I get up with ds on week days and dh dies either the last, midde of the night or first feed when he is off s I can get a bit more sleep. Plus if the house work doesn't get done it doesn't get done!
My day is split into 4hr chunks by feeds which I actually think helps cos I think more about which jobs will ge done before and after.
So long as everyone is loved, fed and watered everything else that gets done is a plus! X

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Littlefiendsusan · 28/06/2013 23:50

I have dd's of 9,7 and 9 months so pretty similar to you. And am also a sahm . Lack of sleep is seriously unravelling- could you rest a little more in the day than you do right now?
Food in the fridge,clean clothes and a cleanish loo is what I aim for and anything else is a bonus!
It's not for everyone but have you had a look at flylady?
Maybe try and have some fun with your dh so you can sidestep your roles for a while.

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5madthings · 28/06/2013 23:55

Well my dp helps out for a start!

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littlepeas · 29/06/2013 12:08

Yes, your dh needs to get his act together.

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DifferentNow · 02/07/2013 22:25

I have 5 DC between age 11 and newborn. I used to be so house proud but I've learned to let my standards slide a bit over the years in order to preserve my sanity!

I keep an organiser/diary which I would be lost without which has all appointments, school stuff etc - basically anything I need to remember.

I prioritise. When I feel like I'm losing control, clean beds and towels, a dish-free kitchen and the washing and ironing up to date makes me feel better about things. Bins are emptied daily and I always have windows opened for fresh air to circulate.

If it's still driving me bonkers, I just go out and lock the door. Grin

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sweetno64 · 04/07/2013 11:29

I dont really keep on top of things really! I have 4 under 6 years and work 2 days a week..... I found it really fustrating when I had my fourth - just dont have enough time in the day to do it all.... so I dont anymore. Lowering standards helps!!

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NappyHappy · 04/07/2013 11:36

Hi, my boys are 5yrs, 20m and 9m. DH has very limited mobility so cant help.

I dont keep on top of things! As long as the kitchen and bathroom are clean along with the boys and their clothes then the rest gets done when I can. Ds3 wakes frequently throughout the night amongst other waker uppers I nana nap with the boys in the day. I am often cleaning and hanging washing out between the hours of 10pm and Midnight!
But this week Ive managed to catch up with most of it.

A messy home is a happy homeWink

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Hardhaton · 04/07/2013 11:42

4 boys, 11,6,4 and 2.
Honestly I'm exhausted, I don't cope I just do it and hope its right this week I have had 4 transition days, 2 school plays and a picnic and that's just the schools without running a business and the house. The dog thinks we have left home I think.
It's just about realising that everything can't be done all the time.

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LoriGrimes · 04/07/2013 11:47

I try not to worry and try and convince myself that I will miss the mess and the chaos when they leave home.

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ohforfoxsake · 04/07/2013 11:57

A cleaner.

Seriously. DH does very little at home (and he's often away). Sounds like a luxury but its our compromise. Paying the cleaner is his contribution to the housework. It saves a lot of bitterness and resentment brewing on my part, I feel as though I am on top of things. As a SAHM to 4DC my life between the hours of 9 - 3 world would be cleaning the loo and mopping the floors. No thanks. I still do everything else and keeping on top of the housework, cooking, admin, DIY, washing etc is enough.

If you can get someone in on a 'temporary' basis for a couple of hours a week (or 3 hours a fortnight - I can go two weeks before its really bad) it will make a huge difference.

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NAR4 · 05/07/2013 21:57

I always put a wash load on before I go to bed and try and hang it out first thing in the morning. That keeps me on top of most of the washing.

Flushable cleaning wipes are great for the toilet. I can give it a quick wipe round when I use the toilet meaning it only needs a 'proper' clean a couple of times a week. Can also use these in the bathroom for quick wipe a rounds.

Try and keep dirty plates, cups etc to just one side in your kitchen, then there is aways space to prepare food/cook.

This should help with the worst of it. Everything else can wait until the weekend and dh can look after the dcs whilst you do housework, if he wants the house cleaner than that.

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hatchypom · 05/07/2013 22:00

Load of washing every day - tumble dryer and put away every evening. An a4 diary where all school letters, drs appts etc are put when replied too and put into calendars. 10 room clear up by the kids everyday for 20p.

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Wobblebeans · 05/07/2013 22:10

Personally I think your main issue here is your dh's attitude that its 'your' job as a sahm. He will get breaks at work, and gets to clock off at the end of the day, so when do you get to clock off? And when do you get a break?

Maybe you would find it a bit easier to keep on top of things if you had a bit of help and a well deserved break regularly.

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sweetno64 · 06/07/2013 14:32

I dunno - my dh does quite a bit around the house and its still a humongous job for both of us to keep on top of it - perhaps we are just not mean to with lots of little ones??

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MultipleMama · 09/07/2013 14:03

I have a organiser/diary also. It's a life saver!

My DF has all 4 (as youngest now take learner bottles) Mon/Fri until 5pm. So I hoover and have a general tidy up, on Friday I do the washing.

Through rest week when I have 3 of them all day; I tidy as we go. When DH comes home at 5/5.30pm. He does the dog poop and the dishes after tea.

We do no housework during weekend as it's family time.

Our routine works well; only been in place a couple of months but so far no problems. I think it's just finding the right system that works for your family.

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ZingWidge · 10/07/2013 12:28

I'm here to soak up wisdom

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Beechview · 10/07/2013 12:41

I have an 8yr old, 5 yr old and 8 months and I'm barely keeping on top of things at the moment.
I get the day to day stuff done and I have a cleaner who I've hired recently as I was getting a bit down about the state of the house (dh works long hrs)
My house wouldn't be as clean as it is without her to be honest.

I'm trying to stick to a timetable for chores and I'm trying to menu plan. I cook mostly one pot or one oven tray meals. All healthy and home made but minimum effort and washing up (BBCgoodfood has some fab recipes).

I put everything in my phone diary now as soon as I find out about it.
Everything goes on the wall calendar. Especially days out as I need something to look forward to!

My main problem is clothes. So much laundry all the time. I'm doing 3 loads today and am making myself put it all away tonight no matter how tired I am!

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TwoPeasOnePod · 10/07/2013 12:42

I have three DC, aged 5, 2 and 1. I'm a lone parent and I work part time. My mum watches them 4 hrs a week, and my 2 y.o does 2 days of preschool for me to work/tidy/food shop sit on my arse and stare into space while laundry piles up their dad has them on average one day a fortnight, no overnights.

Key to keeping the house relatively tidy is having minimal possessions, I force myself to wash up before Crockery Mountain builds up. It is actually easier on me mentally having no DP, no pressure and lack of support has made me just knuckle down and get on with it. Keeping on top of laundry helps, also at first I had boxes to dump any crap in each evening when the kids went to bed- five mins doing that makes it feel tidier and allows you to go through it when you get time hollow laugh

For me, having a small house conversely helps. Less room = less possessions, I now ebay/charity shop ruthlessly and try to only buy useful quality things. Good storage is always helpful too. Your eldest two are old enough to have a list of jobs to do/things to keep tidy, sorry if this has been mentioned I cant look back on my phone

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Xenia · 10/07/2013 13:09

Work full time. Out earn your man. Pursue a feminist lifestyle. It is the root to happiness.

That said and even with both of us doing as much as the other at home (most women stand for nothing less when you both work full time) the time with children of a baby, 1 year old and 3 year old was certainly the hardest of our lives. Money can help a bit so the more women earn the easier life can be. Then you can hire in cleaning and washing services, gardening etc etc.

The message to your daughters could be pick high paid careers perhaps.

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TwoPeasOnePod · 10/07/2013 13:26

YES to Xenia's post. I personally wouldnt want to pick a full-on career over being there most/all of the time in the early years of the kids, but everyone I talk to assumes as a single parent of three, that I do not work. The buzz I get from telling them I do in fact work (only p/t though) is indescribably good. Best of both worlds. It may jolt your H if you get a job too, and split things more evenly? And help you feel better. It has helped me beyond measure

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TwoPeasOnePod · 10/07/2013 13:37

YES to Xenia's post. I personally wouldnt want to pick a full-on career over being there most/all of the time in the early years of the kids, but everyone I talk to assumes as a single parent of three, that I do not work. The buzz I get from telling them I do in fact work (only p/t though) is indescribably good. Best of both worlds. It may jolt your H if you get a job too, and split things more evenly? And help you feel better. It has helped me beyond measure

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TwoPeasOnePod · 10/07/2013 13:37

Sorry about double post, phones being weird

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Cloudkitten · 10/07/2013 14:04

I am constantly doing things as I go along. I don't go up or down the stairs without taking something with me at the same time. I rinse baths out straightaway, I clean grill pans straight after use, the change bag/buggy/car get cleared out same day. I never ever go to bed without the kitchen and lounge being neat as a pin. Even when I am K.n.a.c.k.e.r.e.d. Smile I make sure I have very good storage and I have decluttered the whole house from top to bottom to the nth degree. (this takes ages but once it's done it's done). Anything that starts looking suspiciously like a pile is eradicated asap. Anything that is out of place either doesn't belong in the home or you make a place for it. Coats get hung up, shoes go in the big chest, gloves and hats are in a drawer, toys are in toyboxes, dvds are in cupboards, everything has a place. My only bugbear is laundry because it is suddenly there in a pile needing ironing and that can be hard to fit in.

I didn't used to be so tidy, in fact I was pretty messy. Extremely messy. I used to wonder how "other people" did it. I then had a realisation that the ONLY way to be permanently organised was to a) get a cleaner and a housekeeper or b) be permanently busy doing stuff in the house. If you want to be tidy and organised, and you don't pay for extra help, you have to accept that there is less sitting-down time and more on-your-feet-and-doing time, especially in the evenings. It's either that or accept that your house/life is messy and disorganised and learn to love it. There IS no middle ground or magic answer. (I used to think there was but there isn't).

You won't convert your DH to suddenly helping (although you can try giving specific tasks). My DH doesn't lift a finger unless I ask him. So he will ignore taking the bin out for weeks but if I ask him he'll do it. However he works hard, he's a good DH, he does the garden and the DIY so I accept it as part of the balance.

Your older DC need to have it ingrained in them to tidy after themselves. Dishes go in the dishwasher, they shouldn't be allowed to leave their room messy for more than a day (but make sure you have given them adequate storage for everything). They should be able to help with basic tasks to like a five-min tidy up before bedtime. No way should they be allowed to leave stuff out in general/grown up areas. 9yo can probably hoover. As for the baby, try getting some wicker/woven basket things for the lounge/hallway so you can put their stuff together in one place, or at least be able to tidy muslins, toys etc together at the end of the day. Don't let baby clothes/nappies/paraphernalia get all over the house. It's either in the baby's room/cot area (in proper storage) or it's in a wicker basket in the lounge/hallway.

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Cloudkitten · 10/07/2013 14:13

Twopeas/Xenia getting a highly paid job is a great idea but doesn't tackle the immediate problem, and unless the OP has left a lucrative career, suddenly getting one isn't realistic (nice idea though it is). Also, most people cannot suddenly adapt to the hassle and crap that comes with a highly-paid career. Most people I know with very good careers work damn hard and with an enormous amount of stress, hassle and travel involved. That's why they are highly paid. Not every woman (or man) is cut out for that. And the ones that are have usually trained for it since the year dot. It's all they have ever known and they are thoroughly familiar and happy in that environment. I don't know what the OP's background is but I don't get the impression she is wanting to hotfoot it to work with children of 9,8 and 8mo baby, she just wants to know how to be on top of things and have some coping strategies for day to day Smile

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TwoPeasOnePod · 10/07/2013 14:34

I agree Cloudkitten and fwiw my job (iys not a career) is part time and low paid. I'm basing my replies on the fact that my house was at its messiest/relationship at its worst when I was off work and subsequently unhappy. Money makes any situation more bearable usually. It helped me be more equal to my ex, which I'm sensing (purely projection obv) is an issue with OP. Ots a feminist issue, to split housework/childrearing

But yes yes to the wicker CrapBaskets Grin

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