Families with 4 children

[DeGlitterBug]

Please can someone reassure me all will be ok!

Youngest is 5 months, and the others are 3, 5 and 7.5 years. I am exhausted. It's the end of the school hols, plus baby and I have had permacolds for what feels like about 2 months. I am run ragged chasing round after them. Leaving the house is hard. The rain doesn't help. Staying on top of the cooking and washing is near impossible and I ache all over from doing everything one handed whilst holding baby! I seem to shout all the time, and have no time between the essential stream of get this, clear that, wipe the other, feed baby, change nappy, wipe bum, pick up stuff etc to actually have fun and enjoy spending time with the kids. Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!

I have lost my voice today, and the night time was a merry go round of feeding baby, changing a wet bed, toddler had bad dream. Dh is knackered too.

Will it get better? Please tell me it will. Currently feeling like having a fourth has tipped us over the edge . So few real people have a big family there's no-one in rl to empathise.

I know teenagers will be hard in a different way, so no need to scare me about that thanks

[TameGaloot]

You and me both 5

[5madthings]

Do you think the broodiness ever goes away? Do says no more and I know rationally that five is enough but it doesn't stop that ache for another...

[Debs75]

5mad no I don't think it does. I would have more tomorrow, even with the struggles. The only thing stopping me is I am hoping to get into work and I have a 5 year plan which will be really hard to do with a new baby.

[5madthings]

Yes I am starting to make plans for when did starts preschool in a year, I think once she starts and I have that bit of time to myself I won't want to go back to the baby stage, I hope so anyway, just need to be sensible for the next year! And borrow babies to snuggle!

[Whojamaflip]

yy to getting the older ones to help with the chores - every little bit they do is a bit less to ignore stress over.

Mine are 9, 7, 5 and 3 and they all have chores to do and earn their pocket money.

9 yr old will put a load of washing on, brushes and mops kitchen floor and feeds the animals (pigs, guinea pigs and hens) He has also taken responsibility for making the bread (breadmaker)

7 yr old strips sheets of the beds once a week (I make them up during day), hangs out wet washing and hoovers the downstairs.

5 yr old sets and clears table and empties dishwasher. Also takes clothes upstairs when dry to everyones room for them to put away.

3 yr old helps with setting table, feeds cats (crunchies) and pairs up the socks.

They are all things which help life run a bit smoother - the other thing I have found is let them make their own food - cheese and crackers are easily achievable for lunch by my 3 yr old. They also get their own breakfast on a Sunday so that I can snatch a couple of hours extra sleep.

It will get easier I promise........

[TameGaloot]

I keep hoping it will go away. Dc4 is nearly 4 and it still aches. Dh has had the snip though so no chance

[NAR4]

For me the broodiness never went away in the 11 year gap between my third and fourth. Now pregnant with number five and although it has been a truely horrid pregnancy I know that it won't put me off having another one. Dh has said def no more children, but I live in hope.

[5madthings]

Oh god don't say it never goes away!

I am only 33 so have a few more years yet. Think we are done but my boys keep asking about us having more, I told them to ask do, he is fairly adament no more....tho not enough to get the snip!

[fluffygal]

I have 5 dc- 7,6,6,5 and 2. To get housework done we ALL do a room together, going from room to room until the house is done, makes it so quick and kids quite enjoy it as we make a game of how quick we can get it done together.

Also recommend just getting out of the house, no matter what the weather. We would go stir crazy otherwise. Sitting down and doing set activities help too. Having a husband who does his fair share is what really makes it bearable, could not cope otherwise.

[NAR4]

My Dh is the same, in he says no more but isn't sure enough to get the snip. Maybe you will do what we did and have a large gap and then some more. I had my first 3 by my early twenties, so could never accept my Dh saying no more. My fourth wasn't planned but I was thrilled and to my surprise so was Dh, so much so that he actually agreed to another to keep them company due to the large age gap (never thought he would go for that one). Feel like my body has fallen apart during this pregnancy though, so it might put me off yet (unlikely though).

Oldest is 16 now and I have mentioned to Dh that we are young enough to have a couple more when our oldest 3 go off to uni, but he was sensible and pointed out the cost. We'll have to see.

[Sabriel]

We had 4 in our twenties, then had DC5 in our mid 40s. Seemed like a good idea at the time

The broody feeling was always there until DC5 hit 3 yo. When she was born I did think seriously about having another when she was 2 or 3 so she wasn't an only, but then other things took over and we weren't in a position to have any more. Then once she'd got to about 3 I just realised that actually I really don't want another child. It always felt like someone was missing before, but it doesn't now and I feel done.

[notnagging]

My mind says I'm not done but my body is knackered. I'm 34 & most if my friends are just starting. I have 5 boys & no girls though.

[randolf]

Hi there, I read this post a year ago when I was expecting DC4 and it's always stuck with me. I now have a 5 month old - others are 6,4,2 and I am feeling exactly the same as you DeGlitterBug!!! A year on, can you tell me that things are better?? Please give me some hope....

[NAR4]

As soon as night feeds have stopped and the youngest is potty trained, life will seem a breeze. Babies are very time consuming and tiredness makes everything seem too much to manage.

You will survive. After all, you did the last three times.

[ilovesmurfs]

Ooh just reading this, I was 5madthings, have namr changed. Life is def easier, my youngest just turned three and stsrts pre-school this week. But I am broody as hell!

Lots of plans for when dd is at pre-school so hoping being busy will help eith broodiness.

I had an extra for kids today, so my five age 14, 11, 9, 5 and 3. And anothrr four ages 3, 4, 5 and 6. Crazy but duprisingly fine!

[MoominMammasHandbag]

I have 4DCs. Four in primary school is a real joy I think, so lovely to have your own little gang; hang on in there OP the very best years are just up ahead.

Quickly draws a veil over the horror that is a houseful of teenagers.

[Thinkingofmyfabfour]

Snap randolf! I have 5 month old dd, and 3 boys aged 6,4,2. Still up lots in the night and dd just will not co-sleep with me, don't know why.
Just to add to the craziness, we have decided to buy a bigger house, so will be putting ours on market in next week or so!! Oh, and my car has packed up so looks like we will have to buy another not great timing after Christmas!

[randolf]

Oh God, a house move as well would send me over the edge! Even though the house does seem very small now - how can a tiny baby do that? Thanks for the boost girls, I'm sure things will feel better once the sleep improves, that's probably the key to everything. Me and dh keep saying to each other "We'll get there" but think I'll change my mantra to "the very best years are just up ahead" (Thanks MoominMammasHandbag). Kids are back in school today so if I can just stop the husband from convulsing in his sleep all night and waking me up (along with the kids and baby) I might feel a bit better by the end of the week! Going to attempt to go back to a yoga class for an hour tonight and hope the baby doesn't scream the whole time I'm gone! Fingers crossed...

[fuzzyduck234]

I have 4 DS and am now excepting DD! Mine are 10, 8.5, 7 and 4 and trust me it does get easier! All my boys do lots of sport and we are lucky to have a large garden so that they are constantly running outside and doing things so that they are very tired by the end of the day. When the youngest were 3 and a few months that was tough constant crying and feeding and not being able to sleep or having a bad dream…. but don't worry as they get older it does get easier! It's a blessing when they go back to school even though its great spending time with them school gives you that time to just sort things out and clear your head! But it will get easier!

[sweetkitty]

Can I join it too we have 4, currently 9.6, almost 8, 5.6 and 3.8 years old. When DS was born DD1 was 5.10 years. We have no family help either.

Yes it does get better. We have 3 at school now and DS at nursery so we went and got a puppy

My tips, get everything ready the night before so mornings are less rushed, factor in baby feeding time in the mornings, go to toddler groups etc just to get out. You and your DP/DH need to work as a team. Accept your house will never be tidy again oh and cut down on the after school stuff as well helps.

[polarbear4321]

I'm with you deglitter bug! As a single mum with 4 DC 16, 5 and twins at 3,some days feel I can't keep on top of things, tantrums, mood swings, the cleaning and the ironing pile for example is a beast but other days seem to run smoothly, I just try to go with the flow as its all I really can do haha otherwise would have probably been sectioned by now lol, hope things get easier for you, we are blessed at the end of the day:)

[hallamoo]

Haven't read the whole thread, but I really felt like DC4 tipped me over the edge. First 2 years were really hard, turns out I had PND (and DC2 didn't sleep for 2 years).

It will get easier. Get your iron levels checked, consider whether you might have PND (I was in denial for nearly a year).

Do you have Home Start in your area? If you have no family support locally, they can provide you with a volunteer to help with practical issues, like looking after the younger ones while you collect the older ones, or do the washing up so you can feed the baby etc.

Things got easier for me when DC3 went to school, just having one at home during the day helped me have some head space.

[AppleCrumples]

Was reading this last year when i had a brand new dd2 (dc4) and did wonder then if no4 was a step too far. Mine are 10,8,5 and 13months.

Now she is 13 months and we have survived and itdoes seem easier now, possibly becaise i've hd a full nights sleep now! We have routine and when older dc are at school dd2 and i have lots of time together and at weekends my older dc love playing with her. I

Is almost the best of both worlds.

Organisation, routine and a lax attitude to housework are the way through

[ThinkIMmad]

Holidays are always worse though arent they? I have 4 kids 5,3,3(twins) and a nearly 1 year old. It gets a lot easier i found having the baby the easiest to get into a good routine with. DS 1 was always a bad sleeper and you can imagine what the twins were like. People tell me i make it look easy but ive bloody struggled i can tell you, ive had support off family workers on 2 occasions i think its only the fact that dd2 is such a good baby so far that ive coped i was petrified to start with but everything just fell into place she kinda slotted into my already routine.

[KatieN1]

Yes it does get easier although in a large family I always find you can go from a state of complete order to total chaos in seconds. Looking after children is hard work. I have five boys and when they were young I often felt guilty that one or more were missing out; the reality was that what they lost in one respect they gained in another. Try to share after school activities with other parents and don't try to do too much. Your children are at an age where they will enjoy dusting, vacuuming and helping with laundry so get them involved. And teach them to tidy up their toys. Have a star chart for being helpful and for being good at bedtimes etc. When you reach a certain number have a family outing, that will encourage them to work as a team which will help loads as they grow older. Winter will be over soon and you can look forward to days in the park. Until then be kind to yourself, don't judge yourself too harshly and don't worry about the state of the house, plenty of time for that in the future. Every time your children laugh is an achievement, you're doing a fantastic job.
Oh, if you have neighbours with teenage children perhaps they may be able to spend an hour every day helping you by playing with the children?