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3+ children - how much help are you getting? And more questions..

29 replies

lastexitbrooklyn · 15/05/2012 12:48

Our 3rd child is due in summer (the other two are 2 and 4). We live in central London without car, I am a SAHM at the moment. Husband not very hands on at all and working long hours. We have no family nearby.

The question is: how much help are you all getting? Do you do all the housework, school-run (bus and walking for us) and 3+ kids, including activities alone? I am thinking I probably need someone to help.

Do you have other strategies? I guess it would help to make friends with other 3+ families so play dates would be easier, etc

Do your children do activities? It seems a lot of juggling..

How do you prepare the older children, and especially the middle child for the new arrival? So far our two get on very well with each other (well, of course they bicker a fair bit too...)

Do you have any other tips?

thanks a lot

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
rissingpain · 18/07/2012 16:06

3 children, self employed working from home, youngest at home with me all day, husband works long hours and older two have activities every evening!
I do everything myself apart from lawn cutting and putting bins out! DH does help lots when he's around but no family that close by. Mum will have youngest a couple of hours a week when she can.

I honestly do not know how I am fitting it all in! Lots of lists and planning. If we drop DS1 off at an activity where we have to sit and wait because of distance then we will get homework/reading done in car or pop to supermarket to get any essentials/catch up with work emails on my phone!

I have a clothes rack in an alcove with ALL the uniforms on, school uniform, cubs, football, swimming stuff etc and their bags and they know to keep everything together there so no mad rush when they can't find something!

I LOVE my slow cooker! Take eldest two to school and then come back and prepare the evening meal. Only takes 15-20 mins and no worries about it then. Then sort washing/make beds/give DD a duster etc so she feels like she's helping! If I have urgent work to do then I set up her 'art table' and she is happy to sit and play a while without calling me. I take her to some kind of playgroup or music time every day for an hour or so as she is 3 now and gets bored at home.

Two littlest go in bath together so eldest can get on with homework in peace and then eldest goes in shower while I do stories with the littlies. Then I try my best to have a little amount of time with the eldest, even if 10 mins, to reflect on his day.

Once all in bed then I start work! When youngest starts nursery in September I plan to get the majority of my work done while she's there so I can have my evenings back. Yes, I'm shattered but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh and because I spend so much time with the little one I try and spend time on my own with the two eldest. It is hard to fit it in but when DH has a week off I try and do it then, as well as family days together.

I would just say plan, organise, get a slow cooker and have fun :)

CareerChangeMum · 26/07/2012 21:13

I did it on my own (DH away part of the time) DC were just 5 and 3 when DC3 arrived. In hindsight, I think they would have all had a better start if I had had a bit of help and been less busy.

mam29 · 27/07/2012 11:42

I have 3kids.

dont drive
sahm mum
hubby works loads hours
no family nearby-envy people who do when they moan.

mine are 6-so year 2primary in sept
middle is 3 in sept she has been doing 1 whole day nursery since 18months for my own sanity, as shes oldest in year shes starting preschool september but have to pay extra until jan when she gets funding. we got 1afternoon 3hours and 1 school day 9-3.

the preschool is in same grounds as eldest primary.
her nursery is 10-15mins walk so im always late for nursery if have to do school run 1st.

its is stressful school run with 3.
found sling a godssend.
girls usually on their scooters.

i do sometimes need a double.

my youngest is 16months so 20month gap been hard not fact i have 3 just the gap.
im still breastfeeding him and hes quite clingy.

i also once month have 14year old stepson which is hard.

we have a people carrier 7seater so every body fits.
school is 15mins from my house.

my eldest currently does

rainbows mon-5mins walk church hall near my house.
i drop off hubby picks up.

thur gym-10mins walk from my house-another church hall.-5mins from middles nursery so i go school to home, get changed, drop eldest off at gym, tehn go nursery then home if hubby picks up if not back to gym.

its very hectic birthday parties are nightmare they can be miles away or other side of city.

i try do some online food shopping now make life easier.

im not the best at housework i try

i hoover downstairs twice a day
i do 3loads laundry a day I have washer and drier and use cloth nappies.

im not most organised person but i try to be.

once a month I go breastfeeding group at clinic on mon morning to help out.

tuesdays at church hall 5mins away-does preschool crafts dont go every week maybe every other.

toddler group friday dont really like but is next door to eldests school so drop off at 9 go straight there but looking for new group ideally.

we go local parks with picnic or walk to nearest high street.
family days out or trips to city centre prefer to take 2kids max.

I try and do my errands and banking, parcels at postoffice on thursdays when eldest in school and middle in nursery.

its a juggling act. i rarly go out see freinds unless hubby babysits.
which means we arrly go out as couple maybe twice a year.

we went away other weekend for hubbys work mam had 2girls but had to take the baby luckilyhe was good.

Our house is too small its new build 3beds 3rds box room.
we gave up master so girls share biggest room
baby box in box room.

my mil likes to see one child a a time which is pain.
she never has any of them despite being 2miles away.
she doesnt attend their parties or christenings.

my family hour away in wales so rare i sse them
my mam babysits maybe 4times a year.
my dad rarly sees the kids.

my sisters in uni and in wales.

I never had kids to offload them but do beleive in balance and some help be nice

someone to clean and do iroming
regular babysitter make all difference.

hoping babby will start 1 day nursery in jan,
middle child sept so doesnt start primary for 2years.
my youngest 2 be in preschool at same time.

hoping middle child can start ballet or gym in sept.
its important to me they have their own interests, hobbies and freinds.

Hardest thing is one to one time.

eldest occasionally does breckfast club.
school runs a nightmare especially in rain and when toddlers having tantrum.
she gets lots homework.
i have to attend parents evening alone as hubby has the kids.

eldest has freinds over for tea
then i get odd looks with 4kids.

im on eldests school pta which involves monthly meetings helping out discos, fetes, events, cake sales, film club. usually that involves hubby having kids.

I do what i can sometimes feel frazzled.

some days hubby be long day in work so leave before 7pm and home at 9 which means i have to get up get all 3kids out house to school, home amuse younger 2, the pick eldest up, afters school clubs, tea, homework bath and bed its tiring.

i try get kids in bed between 7-8 most nights.
then i run round like phtcho tidying up downstairs
getting uniform, bag , packed lunch ready
tea round 2 for hubby when he gets in and collapse on heap on sofa usually falling asleep during newsnight.

my younger 2 still wake in night.
so most days im tired.

its is hard if could afford help I would
if could afford to move bigger house I would
this years holiday to devon was stressful and hard work.

I do miss workiung, having social life and just adult company.
feel bit unaprreciated by kids and hubby at times.
I have good days and bad.

when i see them all happy and playing nicely i think yeah its worth it.

people keep telling me it will get easier.

holidays i have signed eldest up to clubs ect.
but this year nbot signed up to much.

trying to make most of free stuff

parks, museums.
local church does cheap crafts
local libary does free stuff.

I do my best.

good luck with it.

everyone finds different things work for them.

SilkStalkings · 28/07/2012 21:28

I have 3 under 10, 2 with special needs, the youngest is quite challenging. I work a few hours a week freelance, DH commutes so I hae the car (Fiat Multipla btw, recommend it for families of 5.) Hoping to get more hours when youngest starts school this year so I can pay for a cleaner as I simply hate housework so much I just don't do more than the bare minimum.
DH is pretty hands on with kids but I do all the school runs and fighting for SN diagnosis etc. my parents are local and great, they have all our kids for a sleepover about once a month and are great in emergencies. 9yr old is v sensible and can walk to friends' houses, school, sleepovers etc now but the other 2 need more experienced handling.

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