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Larger families

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Original poster

Why have lots of children & work?!

30 replies

Alltheseboys · 17/03/2012 19:24

Someone on another post just asked me why I have four children, 1 on the way & work?! Surely I cant be the only mother in a large family that does work( even though it is part time)? I'm a bit shocked by the question tbh. Just because it's not right for some people doesn't mean people have the right to question your decisions!! I used to get this all the time with my twins. People used to make comments all the time about what a nightmare it must be! I love my boys and wouldn't change them for the world. I also love being a teacher & the holidays I get to spend with my kids!!! Rant over.Feel better now!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lucewheel · 17/03/2012 19:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolatchaud · 17/03/2012 19:48

I have total respect for you working with 4 DCs. I have 4 and would love to go back to work at some point, but I honestly don't know how you manage it all?

Being a teacher solves most of the holiday issues I suppose, but what about other careers? How do you manage in holidays?

Also, I feel my time is stretched between them as it is - do you get to spend time with them on an individual basis?

Original poster

Alltheseboys · 17/03/2012 19:49

Thanks lucewheel.
Me not working is not good for my family. I am no good as a stay at home mum, I find it so depressing. I'm fortunate to pick up my kids 3 times a week and take them to school most days.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alltheseboys · 17/03/2012 19:53

We spend loads of time together & I can afford for them to do after school activities. That helps me with individual time as they go to difft things. Tbh I think it's worse being a teacher as you have so much work to do at home & the holidays are so intense. I think 3 or 4 days a week is a good balance.

OP posts:

TheDetective · 17/03/2012 19:54

My colleague is a single mum to 9 children!! ages from 15-1, and she works 2 days a week!

No one feels anything but admiration for her, she is an inspiration to me! Not only that but she has a disability.

Lucewheel · 17/03/2012 19:56

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minsmum · 17/03/2012 19:56

Just tell them it none of their business. You do what is right for you and your family and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone outside of your family.

Tooblunt2012 · 17/03/2012 19:57

It really is no-one else's business allthese, but it is shocking how so many people think it is! I work ft & have 3 boys, exactly for the reasons you have outlined Lucewheel & get so pee'd off with the questions & constant judgement!

Ignore, ignore, ignore goes through my mind a lot during these types of conversations!

Lucewheel · 17/03/2012 20:00

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Pagwatch · 17/03/2012 20:04

Don't take any notice of anything anyone else says about this.
These issues are crap on here.
Sahms have to read shit about living off their dh and doing nothing with their brains all day.

If you are judging how anyone else organises their life then you are a pious twat. So why listen to such people?

The thing that pisses me off the most is the competitive nastiness. A sahm says something crappy about wohms. So a wohm will decide that a sensible response is not to address that sahm, but to make an equally vile sweeping statement about sahms. And then some stupid sahms retort and the wohms strike back.

It has all the charm of monkies throwing shit at each other.

sweetkitty · 17/03/2012 20:40

I am in awe of anyone working and having 4 DC, I don't know where I would find the time to work.

Those that work what do you do for childcare? My DH works long hours so can't help with the drop offs/ afterschool clubs etc and we have no family to help out. Every few weeks there seems to be a school holiday or an assembly or parents day, I'm never away from the school.

I want to go back to work eventually but don't know about the logistics.

It's no one elses business but your what you do, everyone tries to do the best for their family.

As a SAHM of four I get fed up with people saying "oh I wish I could give up work but I can't afford to your so lucky, no we don't have two brand new cars and take foreign holidays like you do" you cut your cloth don't you?

Thinkingof4 · 18/03/2012 10:10

I have 3 and have just gone back to work part time after mat leave and despite my anxiety about returning I'm really glad to be back. It just works better for me, and the family. I love the time I have at home, work time is challenging me in a totally different way and I feel much more contented. We are all different but personally I would really struggle as a sahm stress wise.
We have a childminder for childcare, she is fab,and obviously looks after them in holidays too

ZZZenAgain · 18/03/2012 10:16

It is a strange question to ask someone: why do you have 4 dc and work? To me, it is pretty obvious that if you have 4 dc, you need a certain income for one thing. I think the answer is simply "I am happy to work". When your dc are at school for instance, I don't see why you need to be at home just because you have 4 or more of them. They are not there at that time anyway.

If you need to or want to work and you are managing it all, that is really just up to you.

DilysPrice · 18/03/2012 10:21

I know why, I just don't know how. It's the illnesses and accidents which would get me down - presumably they are twice as frequent for four children as for two.
Unless you have a completely trusted FT nanny or a live-in grandma of course, then you can manage the little crises without too much trouble.

bronze · 18/03/2012 10:25

Maybe her children don't get ill very often. I know mine don't. Perhaps because there is four of them they have tougher immune systems, who knows?

If it suits you Op and your family then I don't get anyones need to question it whetehr you have 1 child or 10

AThingInYourLife · 18/03/2012 10:26

I agree it is a weird question, but for a different reason:

Why is the number of children an issue here?

I guess the cost of childcare gradually changes the value proposition, as does the extra work created by each additional child, but surely all the reasons why people work when they have children ultimately apply for 1 child or 9?

I think it's just a way of asking why you bothered to have children if you weren't going to "raise them yourself" while pretending to be asking something else.

It would be like asking a SAHM of one or two why she didn't work with such a small family - rude, intrusive and implying criticism.

WittyTitle · 18/03/2012 10:31

How dare someone question why you work?! Ooh that would make me so mad.
My husband works full time, sometimes shift work, I work part time and we have an amazing nanny and awesome in laws to help us especially during holidays. We have 3 children from 1-11 and hope to have more.
Working not only gives us financially security but allows us to have a break from each other and the mad house for a few hours. It also gives me a sense of pride and wellbeing and comfort that if anything terrible happened I would be able to support us.
OP I would tell the original questioner to sod off, clearly they have issues, perhaps even jealousy that you're both a successful career woman and a good mom!

Original poster

Alltheseboys · 18/03/2012 16:22

Thanks guys. Your right my children don't get I'll that often thank god & I only work term time. From past experience I don't want to rely on tax credits & I feel great working. I get to talk to adults & have a laugh which is just what I need

OP posts:

Thinkingof4 · 18/03/2012 18:15

Hmmm mine seem to get ill quite a bit, but they are all pre-schoolers so hoping that will improve once they are a bit older!

whimsicalname · 19/03/2012 10:45

I have 3 children, though trying for a 4th, and work part time as an academic. I love my work! It's interesting, I get to talk to grown ups, I (like to think i) make life safer for certain communities, I set a good example to my children about women not just being home makers. And sometimes I make a 'profit' after nursery and bills and get to buy a new pair of shoes.

My work pattern is very flexible for now, which helps, and I fit .5 fte into 3 school days.

It is hectic, and I do sometimes envy friends who don't go out to work, but mostly I leave nursery with a spring in my step, looking forward to work. But then on Thursday and Friday, I get up with a spring in my step, looking forward to a day at home with my toddler. Although the spring doesn't usually last the day...

Original poster

Alltheseboys · 20/03/2012 03:53

I totally agree with you whimsicalnsme. I feel so much better for working

OP posts:

sleepywombat · 20/03/2012 04:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5babyangels · 24/03/2012 05:34

I have 5 children and 5 step children and both dh and I work! We both run out own companies so it's a bit different, as can to an extent work around the children. I set up my business when I was a single mum of 4dcs and financially had no other choice but to work. Now as dh is doing well could give up but can't just let all I've worked for slip away. I think it's very healthy to have a balance of family and work it certainly is important for me. I felt quite frustrated years ago when I was a stay at home mum, felt inferior to my ex and he made me feel like a lodger.

LongStory · 24/03/2012 21:40

er, why have lots of children and work.

I'm the main earner
Love my kids but boy are they noisy / annoying at times and I do love a bit of 'professional / quiet escape' and time away from them
I love my work and it gives me more of a buzz than changing nappies and being winged at all day.

5babyangels · 24/03/2012 21:46

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