Put me off having a fourth!

[threecurrantbuns]

Please...i keep thinking about it but deep down know i would struggle and we cant afford it!! Need to get it out of my head, somehow!?

Lack of money, lack of room, new car required, lack of me time, more household chores - washing, ironing, cooking cleaning, constant tiredness, lack of attention to other siblings, running children around to parties and after school activities. These are just my personal thoughts, but the final decision is up to you.

All of what bunbaker said (have you two got a theme going?) but I'm afraid I can't stress it at all. Currently 17+1 with #4

you and me both 3CB, you and me both....

i know now is an incredibly stupid time for a 4th, but i can't help but get a teeeeeeeeeny bit broody all the time now and then

Well lack of money is a factor, but doable well atm not sure about when they are older.

Mine do swimming and thats their lot cant afford loads of extra activities. Just lots of free tots groups

Room - Well extention starts next month, meaning our house will be a large 4bed with a palyroom/2nd lving room by the summer!

New car - we already have 7seater!

Cooking, washing, attention for them all and tiredness are all the things that are holding me back.

DC3 has only just started to sleep through...well for three nights

Washing - do i need to say anymore!

Cooking - same as washing!

I feel guilty ALOT that they dont all get enough mummy time and they are only 4,2, and 1next month.

Can imagine this gets harder with time and more homework etc.

BUT im still broody and cant get the perfect no 4 out of my head, swiftly followed by dhs snip!

Heart says one more..head says do my best for the three i have rather than push my limits!

dh and i would like a fourth but we are absolutely knackered!

he works long hours and i do everything at home (out of choice)

we both look like shadows of our former selfs.

dc are 6 4(just)and nearly 2. they are so happy and such wonderful children but i already feel too stretched with ensuring that they are all developing socially/educationally/emotionally.. afourth would just knock us out!

good luck!

4th dc are just so naughty - would you like to borrow mine, she'll do the trick nicely!

I am one of 6, my mother is one of 8 and my father is one of 5 - we are all messed up from varying degrees of overstretched parenting and our needs as children being overlooked because we didn't get noticed in the crowd... I would love to have lots of children but would hate to damage the child I already have by churning out reams of babies because I physically ache for more (which I do). If you feel it is a stretch for you then just think about how it will impact on your other DC's...

Sorry - not exactly a ray of sunshine. Some big families are amazing (I know of a family of 5 girls who are wonderful), but some get it really wrong. Unless you are 100% sure that you can cope then it's better for you to feel broody (and just deal with it) than for the family that you already have to suffer.

The extra activities I was thinking about is once they start school. DD has done after school art club - free, after school dance club - free, after school gymnastics - free, Brownies - £2 a week, children's choir - £2 a week and swimming £5 a week, obviously not all at the same time. She currently does swimming, choir and has just left Brownies.

Multiply this by 4 then you not only have the costs, but all the running around. Factor in your children being invited to tea at friends' houses and having your children's friends round at your house and you would never be at home/permanently knackered.

Also when they start school you will have 4 school uniforms, 4 lots of trips to pay for, 4 school lunches to make or pay for, various letters asking for donations for school funds/charities, various nativity plays/school plays/parents evenings to attend (the latter without children in tow).

Then there are the children's parties at soft play centres. Unless your OH is happy looking after the other three you will have to bring them along and pay entrance for them and possibly feed them while the invited child enjoys the party.

I know I am painting a bleak picture, but these are simply my observations from seeing mums at school juggling larger families.

Blimey Asteria having one more DC won't damage the DC you've already got unless you let your issues cloud your parenting and your DC's childhood!
5 more maybe, but not 1 more.

I say go for number 4. I love having 4DCs but do admit to worrying that I had more time to spend with each of them individually.

meant admit to wishing that I had more time to spend with each of them individually..

This will come with time, though.

Prob my biggest concern would be the time with each child. misfitless how old are your dcs?

My dh is very hands on and would have the other children when possible when one of the others has to be somewhere etc.

Talking of dh though, he is another factor holding me back. Not because he doesnt want a fourth but i do feel each baby does put time together as a partner to one side for a bit. We are just rekindling our couple time and intimicy etc as dc3 is 1 next month and im still BF. As winderatthehips said we are knackered alot with the general running around after 3dcs and running a home etc and dh works shifts which he find tiring.
It nice as he is aroun d the children alot but means and does alot in the house etc aswell as working various shifts including nights (he struggles to sleep in the day with the children home)

But we still love being parents and cant imagine how things would be when our youngest starts school! Scares me but suppose there would be lots of new ventures to look forward to!

I do know a mum of four in our village and unfortuantely/fortunately (which ever way you prefer to look at it) she has said to me from day on of knowing i was preg with the third that four is soo much better, better balance, they pair up so no one is left out and its actually easier after the intial few years!?!

I think im mad as im sure i would turn into a zombi and age considerably and find it really hard, but still cant help thinking waht she says makes sense and 4would complete our family!

Thing is we are having an extention so they will eventually our three dcs would have the option of a bedroom each! That wouldnt quite work out would it!

Def agree with the part about asking for help i hate asking my mil (who lives in the same village) for help (which is very rare - dr trips etc) beacause i feel she thinks you chose to have three so you deal with them and that because i chose to have three i should never find things difficult etc! So dont think i would dare ask for help with4!!!

Excuse the typos and muddled words, rushed post

Your pelvic floor muscles will be knackered :P

Only you know hun... I know the realities of a large family, still doesnt stop me wanting another or even squeezing one more in.

True, lol!

Esp as im rubbish at pelvic floor exercise.

Im feeling sooooooo broody tonight

God don't run it down having 4 I love it! Dh works away as well so I am basically bringing them up on my own during the week and we are such a happy family who get so exicted on a fri when daddy gets home.

I don't feel over stretched you just get on with it. Having four is the best thing I have ever done. For me personally I would have hated to have 3 and one of them always being left out. Meal times are just the best we all sit down and chat and eat and food goes everywhere but everyone seems so happy being in each others company.

Go for it, I say you will never regret having another when you see their little face, but you may well regret NOT having another.

gemitygem thats a dangerous post for me to read

I have 4 and love it!! So what if your children can't be timetabled into every club going, thats just a modern parenting fad!!

There are so many wonderful, wonderful advantages to having a big family, it just depends on how you look at it. One of my fav things is all the parties but have often seen this posted as a negative. But I love planning and having parties, watching the children having a wonderful time and knowing another will be along soon.

There are lots of people with one or two children who don't spend much time with them. I think about it and plan it to ensure we all have 1:1 time together. Even if its just watching a dvd together, reading a book together or taking the dog for a walk. Of course it hard work but what isn't thats really worth something.

I am with gemitygem and misfitless. Its the best thing that I have ever done to!!

Bunbaker I felt sad when I read your post. I see my large family in a very different way from yourself, as do all my friends with big families. Some of the most stressed parents I know have 2 children!!! May I ask how many children do you have?

I only have one because I had fertility problems - it took me 17 years to have her at the age of 41 and I never managed to get pregnant again. I admit that I am not at all broody and it is a feeling I have never been able to identify with.

I would have liked two children so that DD could have a sibling for company (note the second child would have been for DD not for me) but I would hate the idea of having four. It makes me tired just to think of it. Having so much of my adult life being childless has made me too selfish to want to keep running around after lots of children. And the sheer volume of domestic chores is just not worth contemplating. OH is 7 years older than me and wouldn't have wanted four either.

It is lovely.

But...
It is expensive.
You will need a big monster car for all of eternity.
When you go on holiday you will need to hire a big monster car..
If you ever manage to go on holiday because 6 plane tickets is bad but 6 of you in two hotel rooms is worse.
So your holidays will always be in rented houses in the UK or France where you take your own car.
You will be in that car A LOT as you ferry kids from one place to the other.
And during all that ferrying the kids that are only along for the ride will be moaning.
School will go on forever.
Universities will only get more expensive.
Childcare (if you work) will go on forever.

But - it is lovely.

Bunbaker this may sound funny but in some ways would be good to not feel broody

I Almost feel like if i had a fourth i would know i was done, no question!

I keep hearing from people you just know your done...not feeling 100percent done yet, but more done than not hehe

And birthday parties become a piece of piss as you become an expert.

I have done... um....34 children's parties. The 35th is in a couple of weeks!

clearing up after 4 is not so different from clearing up after 1, and you have helpers!
We have 4 and its great. Rubbish to say other children will miss out

Well as far as holidays go im very fortunate to have a mil with a very lovely four bed villa with a pool next to the coast in spain

Still expensive with flights and car hire though...but could be alot worse!

well that is nice!
flights and car add a lot but hey

I can't tell the difference with laundry for three or four really
I mean obviously there is more but we just strip the kids and put all the clothes in the washer and run it at the end of each day

we did the same for three but it was never a full wash

you have to learn to fold straight out of the dryer/off the line and iron sparingly though!

Its not the organising of the parties i woudls truggle with but the cost of them...already felt that when i did my dd1 third bday last year and the was her first party!

I do find it a bit shocking that it seems almost expected to have a party every yr!?

I didnt have any when i was growing up, mumcouldnt afford it...friend for dinner or bowling was it if anything, didnt bother me but maybe thats a sign of the times!

Saying that i def notice that i forever seem to be buying presents for other parties which is expensive