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Original poster

Would you trust your 18 year old with £30000?

145 replies

bravobravo · 31/08/2017 21:56

My dm set up a trust fund for ds many years ago which he knows nothing about.
He'll be turning 18 in a few months and as a surprise dm will be announcing the news he'll be receiving a wedge basically.
Instead of feeling excited, grateful and happy I'm frankly scared and think he's far too young and inexperienced to be in sole control of such a large sum of money.
Dm said I need to stop mothering him and accept once he turns 18 he's an adult - I don't agree and would much rather the money was instead deposited in instalments.
Who is in the right here?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 12/09/2017 02:56

I think it is too young. That is a lot of money. I would never save anything significant in my childrens' names - would hate to see them fritter it away at 18 or even 21. We save but we save generally for the future. If some day we can help them out with a deposit, great. If some day we need it ourselves, also great. I am not saving so my 20 year old can eat out in nice restaurants in college or have a summer of excessive fun, funded by our savings.

That said my son was given a significant sum (20k US dollars so a lot less than 30k sterling) to buy a car at that age by grandparents. He goes to a university where a car is a liability and he was fine with our suggestion that he put it into a 5 year savings plan. So he is pretty sensible - wouldn't change my point of view though.

purplepixy · 12/09/2017 03:45

Interesting to see what people think, I think they aren't mature enough at 18 either.

My dd received compensation money for an accident she had at age 5. I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember going to court now at 8 and we have never really talked about the money side of it. She will have about 15k would you tell her at 18?

Also wondered what we do for our older ds even though he obviously didn't go through what she did and doesn't have the scars, I have been saving more into his ISA and it won't be the same amount as she has but feel he should get a lump sum as well.

Kr1s · 12/09/2017 17:02

Purple - if it was my DD I wouldnt tell her at 18. I'd use it to fund something that will benefit her in the long term e.g. Education, a deposit on a flat.

Though I can see that many others here would disagree .

KarateKitten · 12/09/2017 17:09

Anyone I know who received a large sum at 18 (my two cousins got £300k each) took proper financial advice and still have all of the money in tact plus earnings on their investments.

There is no way in a million years I would have blown £30k at 18, or my sister. Or any of my friends I can think of. We all wanted too much for our futures to do something so stupid. My DH also got a massive payout for a childhood accident that he used to go to university without debt.

I wouldn't be even slightly worried about any of my children getting such a sum and am sure it would be used wisely based on sound advice.

NeonFlower · 12/09/2017 17:17

I know its hard to have a proper conversation and be serious, but my plan is as follows (smaller amount of money). Tell them in advance that we have saved a little bit of money for when they are 18 - less than a thousand - but before they get it, we want to make sure they have thought about the capital 'one off' expenses they might face in the future (buying a small car, house deposit, travel abroad ticket etc) and the regular expenditure items (rent, mortgage, bills, mobile phone, going out, pension) that they will need to be earning enough to meet (because they should not use savings for these). Will possibly insist they cost everything out and talk us through it. I hope this will sufficiently panic them and demonstrate financial awareness. Then there will be some relief when they are given a few k 'to start them off'. They are very cautious though. And I want them to spend at least part of it on adventures.

GertrudeBelle · 12/09/2017 17:33

OP – a couple of questions:

  1. is he going to university?
  2. who will pay for his tuition fees and accommodation?

If the answer is "yes", and that you would be paying for his university expenses, then you could insist that he uses his £30k to pay for university himself.

What you save, you could squirrel away and give it to him when he graduated…

meltingmarshmallows · 12/09/2017 17:40

Would be such a shame for him to waste it given that's a deposit on a house, I'm with you on this 100%. It should be given to him for a purpose and only paid out when he's ready e.g. Buying a house.

An 18 year old can barely be trusted with a phone contract ... 30k! It's not the way to learn to manage money, a job etc is. I feel it's too much of an ask on them & a real waste of a lovely opportunity.

redexpat · 12/09/2017 17:43

I inherited 13k when I was 18. I used the last of it to buy a car when I was 30.

InDubiousBattle · 12/09/2017 17:45

My nephew was considered very sensible and my sister had no concerns about giving him money she'd saved-he was working quite long hours at a supermarket alongside studying at the time so she thought he understood the value of it. It was £6k and it took him less than a year to spend it. He had a lovely Summer, went on a lads holiday, went to Glastonbury, had a great first term at uni. Me neice was given her money and I suspect it will be in tact when she graduates, although she did break into it to bail out her older brother when his nest egg had run out! Youngest nephew is being drip fed the cash and spending every penny of it immediately.

I wouldn't trust an 18 year old with that money, no. I will only ever put money in my (very young) children's bank accounts that is actually theirs, so birthday money etc, I want control of all other money!

Whinesalot · 12/09/2017 17:46

One of mine I would trust and one I wouldn't.

She could tell them about the money as a surprise but tell them it is specifically for a house deposit and reinvest it for them?

Silvertap · 12/09/2017 17:46

No way.

I was lucky to be a beneficiary of a small trust fund. At 18 I'd have frittered it, at 21 spent it in the pub but when I got it at 25 I spent it on a house deposit and it was the making of me.

My children will get theirs at 25 too from my parents.

snozzlemaid · 12/09/2017 18:08

My two have both received a similar amount at that age and I trust them completely with it. Ds has had his for 4 years now and hasn't touched it, he is keeping his for a deposit for a house.
Dd has just got hers and will be using hers for uni costs and any remaining for a house.

snozzlemaid · 12/09/2017 18:09

I think only you will know if your ds would be sensible with it. Some are at that age and some clearly aren't.

DjangoUnchained · 12/09/2017 18:31

DSs mate inherited 50k recently. He's 18. His favourite thing to do is take his friends to the cash point and request a print out of his balance.

He's a nice lad but he's spunked a large amount on a flashy car with alloy wheels and buys coke every weekend.

It's a shame. That's a true story by the way.

MissWilmottsGhost · 12/09/2017 19:01

I keep having this argument with the ILs as they are very sensible with money and want to give DD, their only grandchild, a large sum at 18.

I am dead against it and beg them not to.

My friend got a compensation pay out at 18 from a car accident as a child. He blew all £28K by 20 on flash cars, drugs and alcohol. The drug and alcohol addictions then carried on for many years after all the money had gone. He said he felt it wouldn't have caused such problems if he had been a little older and past the 'must impress my mates' stage.

The ILs don't understand my concerns. Their DSs are all sensible and frugal like their parents and spent the money they inherited on the death of their grandparents on small economical cars and house deposits. I point out that DD is 5 and they have no idea whether she will be sensible like her dad or reckless like me yet she is like me

strongasmeringue · 12/09/2017 19:04

My dc are going to get a big cheque too. No way are they getting it at 18 though. I'm trying to convince dh that 25 is soon enough. He thinks 21. It's all about respect for who and where the money has come from.

ITCouldBeWorse · 12/09/2017 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 12/09/2017 19:13

DS is only 6 and he is very sensible with money now, so I will definitely trust him with the money he will be receiving when he is 18.

AcademicOwl · 12/09/2017 19:16

Haven't rtwt, but I'd encourage the suggestion of getting DS to talk to an independent financial advisor.
I was given £2000 at about that age; took advice; locked it in an isa. And I've managed to always have a little bit of money squirreled away since.
To the pp who mentioned 8%... how?!?!

wibblywobblyfish · 12/09/2017 19:17

Me and my children inherited a large amount from my grandad when I was 32. It was in the form of a trust which my father was able to have dissolved, he passed the entire amount, including my kids share to me. I've used the whole amount on the house deposit and I have a mortgage of about 25k left. The kids don't know, the solicitor told me to keep quiet until they are at least 25. I'll keep quiet until they are looking to buy their first homes and then gift a deposit once I know they have got the wheels in motion.

Tiba · 12/09/2017 19:24

A friend received a large sum on 18 and spent it on drinking down the pub and making fake friends.

He has been fired from every simple job he's had since.

He's now 36 and I still see him drunk in the pubs on any occasion I happen to pop in and he's still not got a serious job or a house or a car or a girlfriend.

He was a lovely guy before

Pallisers · 12/09/2017 19:50

DS is only 6 and he is very sensible with money now, so I will definitely trust him with the money he will be receiving when he is 18.

I often look back fondly remembering my children when they were 6 -
almost the perfect age. Those were such optimistic days :)

Bananamama1213 · 12/09/2017 20:08

I inherited 17k at 18 and I wasted it.
I regret it so much now and wish I had been given a little at a time.

whenwillthesleepcomeback · 12/09/2017 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarateKitten · 12/09/2017 20:25

I would have also been infinitely sensible. I was taught the value of money from an early age and how hard it was to have a nice life and lifestyle without some money. We had a very nice lifestyle on a shoestring. Everything bought in our house was carefully thought out. Not much toys and no indiscriminate spending. No credit cards for anything. I just couldn't imagine not understanding the value of money and the opportunity of it. I had a small allowance in college, what my parents could afford, but I saved as much of it as I could. I wanted to buy a house, have savings and have money to invest or buy myself something that would lead to something.